I like the paint the back of your neck red. Wear a shirt showing cleavage and write Nick Saban on your chest w/ a Sharpie. Carry a few pics of your kids, Bear and Crimson. Carry everything in a houndstooth bag, and make sure the hat is houndstooth...you know...baseball cap style. Good luck finding one of those baseball caps though, according to some bammers they don't exist. Go around next asking Auburn fans, or anyone other than bammer fans, where Bryant Denny Stadium is, as you've never seen it live in person.
Good luck and prayers sent.