10 Things Women Do That Turn Men Off

[Tiger Wench]

I agree with most of this.  I am certainly guilty of a few of these, but I usually recognize it and apologize, and do try to work on them, most of the time. 

Thoughts?  Discussions? Any they missed?  Not trying to start a battle of the sexes - I was just wondering if you guys agreed with the guy that wrote the article.

10 Things That Turn Men Off:  Find out which female habits drive guys crazy...and not in a good way - from WomansDay.com 

It’s not easy for a man to tell his wife or girlfriend what she does to irritate him. In my experience, confessions like that tend to lodge themselves deep inside a woman’s subconscious, never to be forgotten…ever. More than that, women tend to focus so much on their so-called “faults” that it can feel excessive to give you more reasons to be critical of yourselves. But in the name of healthy communication, sometimes it’s important for couples to air their grievances. So let’s take a different approach: Don’t think of this list as the 10 things we dislike about you. Think of it more as the 10 things that will bring us closer together…by you not doing them.

1. Second-Guessing Your Instincts

You know that colleague who you think is deceitful? Or that girlfriend of yours who can be condescending? Well, let us save you some time: Your colleague is deceitful, and your friend is condescending. Plain and simple. Sometimes face value is, well, valuable. While it’s true that men can have knee-jerk reactions, women tend to overdo it when it comes to giving people the benefit of the doubt. Yes, you could chalk your coworker’s attitude up to his insecurities or blame your friend’s tone on her manipulative mother, but instead, why not look out for your own feelings first? That’s what men are doing when we offer a simple opinion on your dilemmas—we’re trying to take your side. It would be nice if you did the same.

2. Assuming We Know What You Want Us to Do

One of the reasons men can be squeamish about women’s emotions is because they often belie the exact opposite feeling. For example: If you have plans for the day, please don’t tell us to enjoy ourselves at home if you really want us to address items 1 through 5 on the honey-do list. It’s more than a little irksome to have you return, hug us, look around the house, and then say with that pinched smile, “Did you have a nice, relaxing day?”

3. Smothering Instead of Mothering

Women can confuse these two impulses––knowing the difference is crucial. One elicits gratitude in men; the other, orneriness. Like when we’re sick. Mothering is a source of comfort that understands our flu is a temporary flaw in an otherwise heroic, virile and even studly constitution. Smothering, on the other hand, calls all of that into question. Smothering says we’re 5-year-old boys who have no idea how to take care of ourselves. And that bugs us more than the bug in us. One way to differentiate between the two: Ask yourself if you’re making a gesture to ease our suffering or to show how much we should appreciate you. The first is genuine; the second is manipulative.

4. Having a Superiority Complex

We’re not sure if you’re aware of this, but there appears to be an increasing trend among women to equate being male with being dumb. For instance, when we’re at a dinner party and you recount a story about us that ends with this punch line: “Well, you know [insert name of your dim husband here], he was just being a typical man.” Sure, every guy has his off moments––even blunders worth lampooning––but making us the hapless straight man in an ongoing comedy routine is disrespectful. And we think you’d hate it if we did the same to you.

5. Over-Sharing

We’re aware of the stereotype that says men never open up about their feelings. Thing is, sometimes opening up to you also means opening up to your sister, your mother or even your college roommate. Men value loyalty and confidentiality. Keeping the things we share between us––and only us––builds trust and will encourage even more communication. A win-win situation for everyone.

6. Not Really Listening to Us

Along those lines, many women believe that their interior lives deserve a singular spotlight and an endless theatrical run. And the fact that many men go along with this shouldn’t be construed as a license to spill. Our emotional lives are often as turbulent as yours, but whenever we talk about the tough stuff, we measure the changes in your face or shifts in your intonation to gauge when you start to judge us. It may be cowardly, but men will stop talking rather than risk a woman’s passive or outright wrath. So, by taking a backseat and letting your guy unburden himself—even if the subject is controversial or delivered in halting fashion—you create space for a more candid, and therefore truer, intimacy.

7. RSVPing for Us

Any man can relate to this moment: You’re on your way home from work, imagining the weekend ahead…the relaxation, the freedom. Then you arrive home, only to learn that you have plans. Magical plans, it seems, since they appeared out of nowhere. OK, not nowhere exactly—they were conceived with the stroke of the wifely wand that says “You’re in too, bub!” Here’s the deal: If you’re determined to make plans that include your husband or boyfriend, ask him first. And be prepared to hear that he might be too tired or would prefer to have a quiet weekend. Honoring his preferences from time to time will not go unnoticed.

8. Fast-forwarding to the Future

Women enjoy imagining the future. The story as it will be as opposed to the story that is right now. That can be a wonderful, romantic quality. It can also be an irritating, annoying quality. Having dinner together this Valentine’s Day is beautiful enough without scripting the Valentine’s Day we’ll have when we’re both 75. Enjoying the new sofa that we just bought is great without having to obsess over all of the other things that we “need” to make the living room look complete. Living in the moment provides its own vitality, which is more than enough to sustain our future together.


9. Overlooking Our Quiet Acts of Thoughtfulness

We know it’s disappointing that we men aren’t great at expressing ourselves verbally. (And we’re working on that.) But in the same vein, we’re disappointed that you can’t seem to acknowledge the nonverbal acts of caring that we perform. Like changing the oil in your car, for example, or staying up late to make sure you arrived home safely from your business trip. Chivalry also falls into this category. The art of being a gentleman doesn’t have to mean the end of feminism. Paying for dinner, holding the door open, standing up when you walk into a room…these are all gestures that demonstrate our awareness of others. Our awareness of you, specifically. While courtesy isn’t the sum total of love, it’s often how we show our feelings day to day. Women shouldn’t be so quick to rebuff that.

10. Devaluing Our Friendships

Friendships were once considered a formative presence in a man’s life. Older men were role models who helped develop character, while peers provided a level of camaraderie and acceptance that allowed us to forgo the machismo and be our truest selves––be that a poet, outdoorsman or both. While the value of sisterhood is extolled for women, the male equivalent is often vilified, and much of that is because women regard male friendships as being at odds with their romantic relationships. The two shouldn’t be mutually exclusive—and encouraging rather than discouraging our time with our buddies would be a welcome change.

[Saniflush]

I would say number six ranks highest in my book off that list.

The one that is not on that list that and ranks high is blowjobs.

[Buzz Killington]

Numbers 1 and 2 would be highest for me. 
I can almost always trust my instincts about people...never question them.
As much as I can trust my instincts about people and their personalities, I cannot trust them to tell me what a woman wants at any given time.  Although, after 13 years of marriage, I can finally read into my wife's comments (hints).

[Tiger Wench]

I would say number six ranks highest in my book off that list.

The one that is not on that list that and ranks high is blowjobs

The list is entitled "10 Things Women Do That Turn Men Off".

Blowjobs turn you off?  

I am so sorry to hear that.

[Townhallsavoy]

That's a lot of words for such an easy list.  Here's a better version:

1.  Nag
2.  Headaches
3.  Complain
4.  Describe their day...in complete detail
5.  Fart
6.  Talk on phone
7.  Shop online
8.  Microwave dinner instead of made from scratch
9.  Assume
10.  Create to-do lists

[Buzz Killington]

That's a lot of words for such an easy list.  Here's a better version:

1.  Nag
2.  Headaches
10.  Create to-do lists

Mine is even easier...

[dallaswareagle]

That's a lot of words for such an easy list.  Here's a better version:

1.  Nag
2.  Headaches
3.  Complain
4.  Describe their day...in complete detail
5.  Fart
6.  Talk on phone
7.  Shop online
8.  Microwave dinner instead of made from scratch
9.  Assume
10.  Create to-do lists
11. Bleed once a month

Thought I would just add to your list.

[GH2001]

2,4,6,10 - for me.

Especially 2.

[Saniflush]

The list is entitled "10 Things Women Do That Turn Men Off".

Blowjobs turn you off?  

I am so sorry to hear that.

Not giving them for the deduction impaired.

[Buzz Killington]

Actually...

11.  Spits

[bottomfeeder]

12. Is nasty by not rinsing the dish off before putting it into the sink.
13. Is self-destructive by continuing to do things that damage her health.
14. Being a BITCH.

[wesfau2]

Actually...

11.  Spits

Spit, swallow...I don't give a fuck.  It's hers at that point to do with as she wishes.

[bottomfeeder]

Spit, swallow...I don't give a fuck.  It's hers at that point to do with as she wishes.

[Godfather]

See if this rings true for anyone.  This is more of a pet peeve for me, but it pisses me off.

Answers my question with a question.


This is based on my own dealings, but I would be curious what everyone else thinks.
Try this out and see...most men when asked a question will answer said question and then respond with why.  Ie Asking a question like hey whats your address...incites in most men the response of their address followed by what do you need it for, or even still most will not even ask the second question we will simply respond to the question asked. 

When asking the same question of women, and I know especially from my wife, the first response I get is either Why or What do you need it for?  This frustrates me to no end.  Because a simple question now becomes a length response in which I really didn't need to get into.  Take for instance this weekend, I needed a phone number out of her cell phone. 

This was the exchange:

Me: Hey honey where is your cell phone?
Her: What do you need it for?
Me: (big sigh) Just tell me where your phone is?
Her: It's in my purse what do you need it for?
Argument ensues by me about why the fuck can't you just answer my question.


argggggh it drives me nuts.

[Saniflush]

See if this rings true for anyone.  This is more of a pet peeve for me, but it pisses me off.

Answers my question with a question.


This is based on my own dealings, but I would be curious what everyone else thinks.
Try this out and see...most men when asked a question will answer said question and then respond with why.  Ie Asking a question like hey whats your address...incites in most men the response of their address followed by what do you need it for, or even still most will not even ask the second question we will simply respond to the question asked. 

When asking the same question of women, and I know especially from my wife, the first response I get is either Why or What do you need it for?  This frustrates me to no end.  Because a simple question now becomes a length response in which I really didn't need to get into.  Take for instance this weekend, I needed a phone number out of her cell phone. 

This was the exchange:

Me: Hey honey where is your cell phone?
Her: What do you need it for?
Me: (big sigh) Just tell me where your phone is?
Her: It's in my purse what do you need it for?
Argument ensues by me about why the fuck can't you just answer my question.


argggggh it drives me nuts.

This is how it should have transpired.....

Me: Hey honey where is your cell phone?
Her: What do you need it for?
Me: <Smack>
Her: It's in my purse what do you need it for? I'll get it for you.

[bottomfeeder]

See if this rings true for anyone.  This is more of a pet peeve for me, but it pisses me off.

Answers my question with a question.


This is based on my own dealings, but I would be curious what everyone else thinks.
Try this out and see...most men when asked a question will answer said question and then respond with why.  Ie Asking a question like hey whats your address...incites in most men the response of their address followed by what do you need it for, or even still most will not even ask the second question we will simply respond to the question asked. 

When asking the same question of women, and I know especially from my wife, the first response I get is either Why or What do you need it for?  This frustrates me to no end.  Because a simple question now becomes a length response in which I really didn't need to get into.  Take for instance this weekend, I needed a phone number out of her cell phone. 

This was the exchange:

Me: Hey honey where is your cell phone?
Her: What do you need it for?
Me: (big sigh) Just tell me where your phone is?
Her: It's in my purse what do you need it for?
Argument ensues by me about why the fuck can't you just answer my question.


argggggh it drives me nuts.

I vote this for #1. Followed by silent treatment or non-responsiveness as #2.

[Tiger Wench]

See if this rings true for anyone.  This is more of a pet peeve for me, but it pisses me off.

Answers my question with a question.


This is based on my own dealings, but I would be curious what everyone else thinks.
Try this out and see...most men when asked a question will answer said question and then respond with why.  Ie Asking a question like hey whats your address...incites in most men the response of their address followed by what do you need it for, or even still most will not even ask the second question we will simply respond to the question asked. 

When asking the same question of women, and I know especially from my wife, the first response I get is either Why or What do you need it for?  This frustrates me to no end.  Because a simple question now becomes a length response in which I really didn't need to get into.  Take for instance this weekend, I needed a phone number out of her cell phone. 

This was the exchange:

Me: Hey honey where is your cell phone?
Her: What do you need it for?
Me: (big sigh) Just tell me where your phone is?
Her: It's in my purse what do you need it for?
Argument ensues by me about why the fuck can't you just answer my question.


argggggh it drives me nuts.

I am not sure if you really want an answer or not, but I'll tell you why I answer this way.  It has been beaten into my brain from my teen age years on that personal information can be used against a woman.  You don't give a strange man your home address - he might show up and wait for you to come home some night.  You don't give out your number or the harassing calls might start.  We are just trained to protect ourselves by keeping that information to ourselves. 

I realize that she is your wife, but by the time you get to be her age and my age, it is just second nature to be suspicious of giving out personal information.  Guys don't really have to worry about rapists and stalkers and the like.  It's nothing against you personally.

That's my reason anyway.  I am more open with Carl and try not to answer like that, but it has taken a long time, and if I am distracted, the immediate response is always Why?  Can't help it.

[Godfather]

It is with anything though not just personal information.  I used the examples that I did because they were real life examples.  The address thing happened I sent out 5 different text messages to some of my buddies to get their addresses to send them Christmas cards, all I asked was for their address in the text every single one of them sent back their address, and only one asked afterwards what it was for. 

The other thing actually happened this weekend. 

Its not that I mind her asking the question it is the sequence in which she does it.  If she had simply answered my phone is in my purse, and then asked what do you need it for I would have answered her.  Typically I get pissed because its just a needless question...because I need it thats why.  Keep in mind too that the exchange with my wife and I was not that fast, in other words I am looking for her phone I ask her where it is I get a why and then have to stop and explain.

She usually does it with anything that I ask.

[Pell City Tiger]

This is how it should have transpired.....

Me: Hey honey where is your cell phone?
Her: What do you need it for?
Me: <Smack>
Her: It's in my purse what do you need it for? I'll get it for you. Can I bring you a sammich while I'm at it?

Fixt.

[Tiger Wench]

It is with anything though not just personal information.  I used the examples that I did because they were real life examples.  The address thing happened I sent out 5 different text messages to some of my buddies to get their addresses to send them Christmas cards, all I asked was for their address in the text every single one of them sent back their address, and only one asked afterwards what it was for. 

The other thing actually happened this weekend. 

Its not that I mind her asking the question it is the sequence in which she does it.  If she had simply answered my phone is in my purse, and then asked what do you need it for I would have answered her.  Typically I get pissed because its just a needless question...because I need it thats why.  Keep in mind too that the exchange with my wife and I was not that fast, in other words I am looking for her phone I ask her where it is I get a why and then have to stop and explain.

She usually does it with anything that I ask.

Maybe the other thing is that we assume there is an interesting story behind why you need whatever it is you are asking for, and are curious about it.

Her:  Why do you need my phone?

You:  I dropped mine in the toilet and need to call a plumber.

Her:  Oh - it is in my purse. 

Maybe your male friends are just so simpleminded that it never occurs to them that a good story might be lurking...