TRANSFORMERS
I've read the reviews. I've seen the universal pans of this movie. I've read all the problems the critics have with it and their utter disdain for Michael Bay.
Well you know what? FUCK them.
They bitch because the movie has no plot. What the fuck do they want? Annie Hall or some miserable shit like The Reader? Here's the plot: Lots and lots and lots of shit blows up. Robots brawl. People run and scream. More shit blows up. The good guys win.
They complain because certain aspects of the movie are unrealistic or far-fetched. What the bleeding fuck? They're watching a movie about CARS THAT TURN INTO FUCKING ROBOTS. That's the premise. So if they have an alien that can shit Chinese take out, is that really any further off the reality chart?
They piss and moan because Megan Fox can't act. Well I don't even care for her all that much, but let me be the first to say that I don't give a fuck. She wasn't hired to do Shakesperean soloquies. She was hired to look fucking hot in those shorts and those jeans and to have a sexy little sassy ass attitude. Mission accomplished. Yeah, I'd fuck this character. Maybe not Megan herself, but her character in this movie would get the stiff dick. And I'd damn sure tell her I loved her.
The movie was what it was. Like Pirates of the Caribbean II it wasn't quite as good as the first one, mainly because the first one set the bar so high that the second couldn't quite measure up. Doesn't mean it was bad. It was a fun movie.
Yeah, there's some unnecessary throwaway shit. The dog humping? What the fuck? That meant nothing and was a cheap attempt to draw a laugh.
There were things that didn't make sense. Don't want to give too much away, but after you've seen it ask yourself these questions:
1) What happened to the litthe traitor Decepticon after it converted? After playing an integral role, it just vanished.
2) Where the fuck did all the flashlights come from? Seriously. I want somebody to answer that one.
3) Do they sell lip gloss in Egypt? I think they must.
4) What happened to theAllSpark sliver? Another important plot point that just vanished with no elaboration.
Other problems? Why they had to add the shits, fucks and pussies to the dialogue was beyond me. This is a movie that kids want to watch. The profanity added nothing. Neither did the silly ass pot brownie moment. I had to explain that ridiculous shit to my nine year old on the way home.
I've also got to fault Bay for flubbing a pivotal confrontation between Optimus Prime and Megatron. What should have been an emotionally charged moment was completely drained of feeling. That's bad direction.
The movie was supposed to entertain. Fuck those snobby ass critics. I was entertained. My daughter laughed at the right parts and clapped at the end. What else can you expect?
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