Kaos' way behind movie reviews

Kaos · « **Reply #3140 on:** July 21, 2021, 11:45:41 AM »

Quote from: wesfau2 on July 21, 2021, 11:18:43 AM

I disagree re: Minelli. She had the annoying/brassy NYer thing down pat. She was a good foil to Moore's urbane (if besotted) character.

Never a huge fan of her, but she was pretty great as Lucille 2 in Arrested Development.

Good foil, but those very attributes invalidated any alleged chemistry.

GH2001 · « **Reply #3141 on:** July 21, 2021, 08:14:57 PM »

Quote from: wesfau2 on July 21, 2021, 11:18:43 AM

I disagree re: Minelli. She had the annoying/brassy NYer thing down pat. She was a good foil to Moore's urbane (if besotted) character.

Never a huge fan of her, but she was pretty great as Lucille 2 in Arrested Development.

Agree with k here. It isnâ€™t that sheâ€™s terrible in general. Sheâ€™s just more a theater or Broadway show type. A poor caricature of her mother really trying to be a big screen actor. Granted she never asked to be her mother.

Kaos · « **Reply #3142 on:** July 24, 2021, 12:03:44 PM »

Spiral

The Saw movie series is one of the better horror/gore franchises in existence. Yes, it's uneven in places and some of the set ups are hard to believe. Not all of the seven original films are classics, but they all fit into the same world. Even the stretching-the-premise Jigsaw tied into the history pretty well.

And then there's Spiral.

Chris Rock was trying really hard to show he has range. Guess what? He. fucking. does. not. His performance is abysmal. A-BYS-mal. He fails to generate a single emotion with even a hint of authenticity. When he's trying to look serious -- like for one long scene where he grimly stalks down a hall in slow motion -- it's all I could do to keep from laughing.

The rest of the cast is even worse. Vegas Vacation Audrey (who was kind of cute then) is like a stalk of cauliflower pretending to be the chief detective. Samuel L. Jackson just got some money and didn't even give a half-ass effort. Everybody else is worse than car dealership commercial. Terrible. Just terrible and not a single hint of realism.

I've seen porn movies that were substantially better. Hell, a Madea version of Saw would have been better than this. By far.

Everything about this movie sucks. Every single second of it blows unrealistic chunks.  Good God it was horrible.  It's one of the worst things I've ever seen. Trying to tie it to John Kramer and Jigsaw when it has NOTHING to do with that is an abomination. It would be like making a movie about a guy who bakes dead raccoons into cupcakes and calling it "From the Book of Breaking Bad" because the baker wears glasses and is named Walter.

The ending was asinine and abrupt and had zero -- no, negative zero-- credibility.

Chris Rock came up with this concept, produced it and had a hand in every scene. He clearly never understood what made the Saw movies work. He obviously does not have the creativity or cleverness to devise the kind of mind-warping, decision-based traps that were the hallmark of the series. If he ever tries something like this again, he should have a scalpel sewn into his lower intestine and his eyes sewn shut while being dangled over a pit of alligators by hooks skewered through his hands. If he can free his hand, remove the scalpel, open his eyes and swing to the other side of the pit from the remaining hooked hand.... then he can ...... no.... no.... no.... he can't ever be allowed to dabble in the Saw world again. Ever. Ever.

Kaos · « **Reply #3143 on:** July 25, 2021, 12:23:08 AM »

Fear Street 1666, 1978, 1994

Movie trilogy detailing the curse that plagues the town of Shadyville and its residents while neighboring Sunnyvale basks in the glow of prosperity and success. Films based on the work of RL Stine, the Goosebumps guy.

It wasn't Happy Death Day which I loved. It wasn't quite American Horror Story 1984 (which I enjoyed a lot). But it dabbled in the same self-aware horror those movies did.

The series starts in 1994 in a neon and blacklight bathed typical suburban 90s mall with the random murder of a store clerk.

It then delves into the town's historic curse, allegedly cast by a witch that was hanged back in the 1600s and cut off her own hand in the process. Some Scooby-Doo teens get caught up in unraveling the mystery.

The first two films are entertaining. After 1994, the series skips back to 1978 for a Friday the 13th-style camp massacre and some exposition into the origins of the curse. The trilogy concludes with a trip back to 1666 before wrapping it up with a return to the 1994 mall setting.

The 1666 entry is easily the weakest of the three partly because none of the cast (recycled from the prior two films) is able to carry off a passable Olde Aenglish accent. But the real ruination of the series as a whole comes when the writers decide to turn the entire storyline from witches, curses, hexes, murders (you know, the fun stuff) into a not-subtle LGBR549QWERTY empowerment story. That was a betrayal.

Both the 1994 and the 1978 entries were able to do something few films are ever able to do and catch me off guard with a twist/variation I didn't see coming. 1666 tried, but I already had THAT piece of the puzzle figured out from about mid-way through the first one.

Complete cast of unknowns. Most were composites of characters you've seen in a hundred other horror/slasher movies. The ensemble did an adequate job.

It's not genre-defining, it's not breaking any new ground. But it told a fairly interesting story in a creative way even as it tromped over ground that's been tromped many times before. That's solid.

Kaos · « **Reply #3144 on:** August 20, 2021, 11:44:09 PM »

Peanut Butter Falcon

Pretty sure I reviewed this before, but maybe not.

This is one of the best movies I've seen in a long, long time. Watched it again today. More impressed the second time around.

No buildings blow up. The world isn't saved from alien invaders.

It's just a sweet, simple story that's told really well.

Shia Lebouf shows why he might be one of the best actors of this generation. His friends-through-necessity relationship with the Falcon (a guy with Down's Syndrome looking to make a place in the world) seems natural and real.

Yeah, some of the story is unlikely and improbable, but it's done with such charming ease that you don't really mind.

Don Johnson's daughter looks 50 times sexier in this than she did in all the Shades movies combined. I loved her and loved watching her languid grace in this film.

It's not hilarious, it's not shockingly dramatic, it's not wrapped up in itself. It's just a nice, breezy, easy story of two lost souls finding strength and comfort where they least expect it. If you make it through the birthday wishes on the boat scene without getting a little sniffy, you're soulless.

This is what movies should be. If you haven't seen it, you should.

CCTAU · « **Reply #3145 on:** August 21, 2021, 01:54:04 AM »

Quote from: Kaos on August 20, 2021, 11:44:09 PM

Peanut Butter Falcon

Good movie. Not great but really enjoyable.

CCTAU · « **Reply #3146 on:** August 21, 2021, 01:57:04 AM »

Quote from: Kaos on March 30, 2021, 09:10:41 PM

I Care A Lot

Misguided story about a shark (Gone Girl) who preys on the elderly until she meets another predator (Tyrion Lannister) who's inclined to destroy her plans when she chooses the wrong old lady to fleece.

It's not a bad movie, but there are a handful of problems.

British Bond girl that has gone downhill since. Horrible movie in which the bitch did not suffer enough dying!

CCTAU · « **Reply #3147 on:** August 21, 2021, 02:00:06 AM »

Quote from: Kaos on July 03, 2021, 08:45:07 AM

Tomorrow War
You think the science in Kong v. Godzilla is contrived and wonky? Take a look at the Amazon movie Tomorrow War.

It was a really stupid movie. It was clumsily done. Not Pratt's best work. Or anybody else's.

I actually enjoyed it. It was a different take than most sci-fi movies.
Not an Oscar winner, but a good watch.

Kaos · « **Reply #3148 on:** August 22, 2021, 01:22:25 AM »

The Woman In the Window

It wanted to be Rear Window for the modern age. It wasn't.

Amy Adams is a psychologist/psychiatrist having a mental meltdown of her own, afraid to leave her house. She's been there for almost a year, watching the world from her window. She sees the neighbors move in, meets the wife and their socially awkward teenage son. Or does she?

The movie wallows around in what's real and what's not real for a while. Then it firmly establishes what wasn't before flipping that around to maybe what was.

It took its time getting to nowhere, really. There were a couple of "big twists" both of which we figured out well before their "shocking" unveiling. They were so obvious, we were hoping our supposition was wrong and that the writers would actually give us something surprising. They didn't.

Amy Adams looked horrible here. She was supposed to, I guess, but she was the polar opposite of the attractiveness she presented in American Hustle. What I take away from it is that THIS grungy schlub is probably closer to her reality than the glamour of AH. That being the case? I wouldn't touch her with your pogo stick.

Gary Oldman overacted badly -- as he has a tendency to do. Birdman (or whatever from the Marvel movies) was wasted in a secondary role. Also wasted were Stacy from Fast Times at Ridgemont High (gotta go, Stace) looking horribly old, the football jock from 22 Jump Street (or was it 21?) who was also the fake Captain America before Birdman took the suit away, and a bleh looking Julianne Moore.

This movie wanted to badly to be taken seriously that it lost its overbearing way.

Watch Rear Window instead of this poser.

Kaos · « **Reply #3149 on:** August 27, 2021, 09:29:40 AM »

Galaxy Quest
Pretty sure I've done this one before, too but I don't see it.

I can't understand why this movie wasn't one of the biggest hits of its time. Amazing cast, clever story, spot-on performances, perfect mix of humor and drama. I think the studio failed to market it properly because the suits didn't bother to understand what it was.

It simultaneously mocks and honors Star Trek and its fans without ever directly referring to either. Tim Allen (his best role ever) as the star of a space-based series (ala Kirk) who can't ever live the role down. Alan Rickman as an alien second in command (ala Spock) who kills with dry humor. Sigourney Weaver in a blond wig and fake boobs. Tony Shaloub as a befuddled head of engineering. Sam Rockwell as the expendable red shirt cast member.

The story is pretty simple. Typecast by their long-ago television series, Galaxy Quest, the stars are relegated to humiliating public appearances at Comic-Cons and store openings to make a living. They've grown weary of the fanatic fans who quote their lines and dress in character.

A race of aliens who studied the 'historical documents' shows up and takes the crew to the real-life ship up in space with the idea that Captain Taggart and his crew can save them from a hostile enemy.

There are subtle nods to Trek and its fans all along, but it never stoops to satire.

It's a great movie, one of the best. I'm not a Tim Allen or Sigourney Weaver fan but both are excellent. Rickman is fantastic. The rest of the cast is just as good.

If you ever had any affection for Star Trek at all, it's worth watching. If you didn't, it's still worth watching, you just might not get some of the sly references.  It gets my highest recommendation.

wesfau2 · « **Reply #3150 on:** August 27, 2021, 09:38:56 AM »

I actually totally agree with your take on this one.

Kaos · « **Reply #3151 on:** September 11, 2021, 02:18:20 PM »

Malignant
The search for the next great horror movie continues without success.

Interesting premise. Kind of a clever way to disguise the identity of the big bad (although you'll probably figure out the basic premise if not the actual manifestation well before the reveal).

Basic storyline: Woman (Madison) with a murky history she can't remember is seized by visions of carnage. As the story unravels with the help of her thick ass sorta cute sister, her links to the carnage are uncovered.

There are problems. Lazy storytelling abounds. Porno-movie level performances (particularly by the cop) Allow me to detail a few issues.

1) Madison and her sister go to the cops to describe one of her visions. The police agree to go check it out and TAKE Madison and her sis along with them.
2) Huge brawl leaves the police officer bruised and cut, but the person with which he fought is unscathed, not sore. No impact.
3) The entire police force took shooting lessons from Stormtroopers. Close range, emptying clips and nothing hits the bad guy.
4) Dozens (many dozens) of people are brutally slain, but we gonna get us a happy ending! That's fucking infuriating to me. You can't have a character slaughter an entire city block of people and then end it with a sweet hug and an "I've always loved you" moment with dad. There are consequences to behaviors. Electric chairs, lethal injections, federal pound me in the ass prison type consequences. The end was gallingly saccharine and absurd.

The sassy black cop character was good in a "let me do my Wanda Sykes impersonation" manner.

In a curious aside, you'll see an almost unrecognizable Tia from Uncle Buck in a few scenes (damn she got old!)

It's just not good overall, though. It's just not.

GH2001 · « **Reply #3152 on:** September 12, 2021, 08:17:16 AM »

Saw Malignant as well Friday afternoon. I thought it was different. Not what I was expecting for sure. To preface - itâ€™s James wan. Heâ€™s a solid director. But like jason Blum and M Night - he follows a template. And Iâ€™ve come to expect that to a degree. This one was no different.

The cinematography and score was good. Effects were ok. But yeah the plot had big holes. Was all over the place. I liked the sister as well. And the black cop. She was prob the best piece of acting in the movie. Overall, the ending just didnâ€™t match up with the carnage that took place. It was like none of the carnage ever happened.

Quick useless fact- â€œtiaâ€ from uncle buck is also playing goose Bradshaws widow in the new top gun (now pushed into next year for a release).

Kaos · « **Reply #3153 on:** September 12, 2021, 11:38:58 PM »

The Inheritance

Searching for a good horror movie. Still.

Moderately sexy Russian chick pretending to be from Chicago inherits an imposing castle-ish structure in the middle of Kyiv Ukraine. (How you know this is a Russian film and not an American one as it proports to be is that Kyiv isn't spelled Kiev, which is the way we'd do it).

Once she and her husband arrive at the location.... nothing happens. Oh, there's theoretically a story about discovering a dark family secret, but it really doesn't matter because it means nothing. There's a long list of dangling threads that are never explained, but you won't give a shit either way.

Here are the top five doors that were opened but never closed:

1) Why won't the driver go into the house, but his wife will?
2) Who is the only person she can sell the house to?
3) Who are the "important people" who want it to be sold?
4) Who are the guys watching the house?
5) Where did the dumbass husband go and for how long?

The time gaps were baffling. There wasn't a single scare (jump or psychological) to be found. What was his connection to the lawyer? It was a shit burger mashed into a box of shitaroni and cheese.

This movie fucking suckkkkkkkkked.

Kaos · « **Reply #3154 on:** September 23, 2021, 01:31:50 PM »

Candyman 2021

Reboot of one of the dumber (but good) horror franchises. Remember when Candyman had those bees in his mouth and on his face in the original? Those were real freaking bees.

This version?

Sucks to be whitey. It's all your fault. Honky.

I like Jordan Peele, but he's whipped the racism horse far too long. This movie added nothing to the Candyman legacy other than blaming everything on them nasty ass crackers.

I could do without it.

Kaos · « **Reply #3155 on:** September 23, 2021, 01:37:33 PM »

Shangri La and the Legend of the Rings

I don't know what the title is. Sorry.

I didn't want to see this movie. But it was Marvel and they all tie together so you sort of have to. It's not great. It's not Ironman or Thor:Ragingcock. But it's good.

Once again, Marvel proves it knows how to make superhero movie.

This was a little slow in parts, it skipped around the timeline (but never left you wondering where you were) and there were some threadbare holes, but it's so much more entertaining than the typical DC effort. It was just a quality movie. Funny in parts, lots of action, dramatic in parts, surprising in parts. I was blown away by the characters who returned and how effectively they were used for the purposes intended.

I'm getting a little tired of seeing Alka Seltzer (or whatever her name is) but her brassy Danny DeVito impersonation in Jumanji 2 and her brassy Danny DeVito impersonation here didn't overwhelm the movie. She held her role pretty well.

Yes. Go see it. Go back to the movies.

GH2001 · « **Reply #3156 on:** September 23, 2021, 01:56:15 PM »

so I bought the AMC Premium Membership a while back and been trying to catch 1-2 movies a week....even when not great, I just enjoy being in the theater. Much like Nicole Kidman says in the preview before every AMC movie....the lights, the screen, the pop corn, the sounds....all of it. Just can't beat it. Im tired of watching shoot at home the last 18 months. But any who.....Some of K's reviews have crossed paths with the ones ive seen as well......

- OLD - No, its not a movie about Snags. Typical M Night twist type thriller. Middle of the road for him but I enjoyed it.
- The Inheritance - I literally fell asleep. Not good. Not even remotely good.
- Malignant - went from thriller, to horror, to Sci Fi all in about 25 mins. Got weird, went off the rails. I elaborated a little more above.
- Candyman - would have been a solid movie if not for all the constant mention of whitey and gentrification. I get it. Ok, lets move on. Nope, It never did. K is right Whitey bad. That was the constant theme. Sucks because otherwise it was well done. Screenplay, filming even the acting seemed all solid.
- Nighthouse - it was "ok". Had loose ends. Many never got resolved by the end. Wasn't terrible, wasn't good either.
- Jungle Cruise - pretty good. Rock and the cute British Chick did well together. Good story too. Nothing fancy but just solid.

Future ones coming up ill catch:

Cry Macho (a 91 year old Eastwood is still better than most of todays crap)
Shang Chi
Saints of Newark (Sopranos prequel)
New Bond (Daniel Craig reprising)
Eternals (Marvel again)
Halloween Kills (Blum + Carpenter)
Antler - looks weird but interesting
The Tammy Faye movie - im intrigued here.

Kaos · « **Reply #3157 on:** October 02, 2021, 12:42:50 AM »

The Many Saints of Newark

You know my affection for The Sopranos. I firmly believe it to be the greatest television show in history. Amazing writing, great casting, superb acting.

That's why I approached this new prequel with some trepidation. Just like I didn't really ever want or need a sequel, I wasn't sure I needed to see the story I had already pieced together from the bits and pieces that were told over the series run played out in movie fashion.

I was right. I wish I'd never heard of this instantly forgettable poorly acted, poorly plotted, poorly conceived, poorly executed clusterfuck.

Cory Stoll is a fine actor in his own right. He wasn't convincing at all in an effort to channel Dominic Chianese's Uncle June. There were occasional flashes, but not enough to carry the part.

Vera Horse-face Farmiga is allegedly a good actress. She wasn't convincing at all with a shittily obvious fake nose in her effort to channel Livia Soprano. There were occasional, brief flashes but she couldn't carry the part.

The guy playing Dickie Moltisanti was a worse actor than the manson-lamp fuck that played Richie Aprile in the series. He brought zero gravity. The part required him to show duality, to be part good/part bad (like Tony Soprano) and be conflicted about it but he was a flat one-note dumbass. Terrible casting decision.

Stunt casting with Ray Liotta/Ray Liotta who's a shell of his Henry Hill self. Painful to watch.

The clowns mimicking the characters Paulie, Pussy and Sil were like a super shitty SNL skit. Fucking terrible. Just fucking terrible even though their screen time was thankfully limited.

And then there's Michael Gandolfini. He might be a good actor one day, but not if he's given no more than this. There was one five-second burst where I saw a glimmer of what his dad brought to the role, but the rest? The poor kid got no help, piss poor direction and nothing to work with. I felt sorry for him.

It was so bad it was almost like parody. Let's check all the inside joke boxes and call it a day.

> Dickie wasn't getting a crib, he was getting TV trays! Check
> He never had the makings of a varsity athlete! Check
> Hey, there's Carmela! Check
> Baby Christopah is scared of Tony! Check

The Sopranos (minus season six) was the best series in the history of episodic television. This film? A shitty excuse for a companion piece. It should have been shitcanned. None of the things that made The Sopranos great were in evidence here. None. Not a single fucking one. I can't figure out how Chase -- who guided the original series with a masterful hand -- could have birthed this foul pile of rancid jizz.

If you love The Sopranos? Skip it.

chinook · « **Reply #3158 on:** October 04, 2021, 03:23:55 PM »

thanks kaos...i'll skip it.

Kaos · « **Reply #3159 on:** October 16, 2021, 10:34:53 AM »

Halloween Kills

I don't go to a Halloween movie looking for the next great horror franchise. I go for the familiarity. I go because I know what I'm going to get for the most part. Michael kills in a brutal, unfeeling manor. People try to stop him. And he dies. Or does he? This movie checked all the boxes. It wasn't ground-breaking or transformational. It didn't try to say anything (like the race-baiting recent incarnation of Candyman). It just let Michael breathe and expanded on some of the things we thought we knew from 1978.

If I could suggest anything, you should watch the 2018 Halloween movie immediately prior to seeing this one. Why? Because this film is really just another episode in the same story. It takes place on the same night, picking up at the exact moment the prior film ends. I did it backward. I watched Halloween Kills last night at the theater and when I got home noticed that the 2018 movie was playing on FX. So I watched it. In doing so, I saw so many characters and settings that carried over. Throwaway moments like a couple getting into a car and that couple later becomes involved in the story. Or a group of kids out trick-or-treating who later play a part in a critical scene. Had I remembered any or all of that, it would have fleshed out this movie even more.

Halloween has an interesting arc. There was the original (which was semi-groundbreaking although Black Christmas really set the table), and then there was Halloween, two which (like this one) picked up mere moments after the original ended. Then there was the much maligned, Michael-less Halloween III: Season of the Witch. After that came three cash grabs that sullied the series' reputation, and a two-movie Rob Zombie arc. Then in 2018, the series was re-booted. It ignored everything from Halloween III to both Zombie films and served as a continuation of the original two films.

I realized last night that Michael Myers has reached the level (like Batman, Superman, etc.) as a character where different directors can tell different stories at different times using him as the central figure. So it's okay for Zombie to have his version. It's okay for 4, 5, and 6 to tell completely different stories. And it's okay to continue the original two with this new incarnation.

For what it's worth, I liked this movie. I liked it much more than the critics who have dismissed it as nothing more than filler. Because it's part of a story arc that remained in the same day I don't really even look at it as a separate movie. I see it just as the continuation of the 2018 version. It's like another episode. As such it gave me exactly what I expected and set up the expected third episode. It is well filmed, relatively well acted and it clearly has a great affection for that oh-so-awful, but oh-so-good 1978 game-changing film.

One of the things I liked best was the homage paid to one of the films in this series that gets much (in my opinion unwarranted) scorn. I caught it. I loved it. I thought it was fantastic. I think I was the only one in the theater who noticed.

I don't want to spoil that. But just remember kids, only 15 more days to Halloween!