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Kaos' way behind movie reviews

Kaos

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #2900 on: April 19, 2019, 08:50:20 PM »
Fun story. I've never made it through this movie without falling asleep. Not as a kid, not as a teenager, not in college, not as an adult. I liked it, but something about it always zonks me out.
Breathe out... slowly... do not gulp. If you do not breathe correctly, you do not move correctly. Pitiful. I can see the deadly hamburger has done its evil work.

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #2901 on: April 22, 2019, 12:21:31 PM »
Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins

I may have gone over this before.  I really don't know how this movie flopped.  I just think maybe it missed its time.  It came out in 1985 in the middle of the Rambo/Commando/Mad Max box office brawn-fest.  It was intended as the first in a series of action adventures featuring the reconditioned former street cop re-named after his hospital bedpan and trained by a quirky martial artist. 

It floundered at the box office.  I just don't get that.  It's a fun piece of modern-day Indiana Jonesish action/adventure film.  It moves along at a good clip, the performances are good (including a youngish and still hot Kate Mulgrew).  Maybe it was that star Fred Ward lacked the muscle-rippling bulk of Stallone or Schwartzenegger.  Maybe it was that a PG-13 action romp couldn't find traction in a world that had turned to R-rated versions.

It's one of those movies that I've always liked and feel is truly under appreciated.  Fred Ward learns Shinjuto (or something) and battles wits with a shady government-backed organization.  The bad guys are cartoonish, the action outlandish. But it's still an easy, no-thought-required sprawl.

Couldn't be made today, though.  Joel Grey's Korean Shinjuto master would trigger the entire cultural appropriation warrior class.
In college, we had free HBO (hehehe). Every day after class and before work, this movie was on. I think I saw this movie and The Last Starfighter 15 times.
The running on water scene was hilarious. Like nobody could see the underwater dock!

Still a fun movie. His best..till Tremors!
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Five statements of WISDOM
1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity, by legislating the wealth out of prosperity.
2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.
3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.
4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it.
5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friends, is the beginning of the end of any nation.

Kaos

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #2902 on: April 23, 2019, 12:15:22 AM »
Beaster Day: Here Comes Peter Cottonhell

Anybody but me remember Night of the Lepus?  Came out in the early 70s.  Had Rory Calhoun (of Motel Hell fame), Bones from Star Trek and Janet Leigh.  Essentially these bunnies got radiated and terrorized the southwest.  I remember watching it on the CBS Late Movie

.



Anyway, decided to watch a movie called Beaster Day where this giant rabbit terrorized a town.  It was Easter.  So.... 

Beaster Day makes Night of the Lepus look like The Godfather in comparison.  I've watched some really, really bad movies but Beaster takes the cake.  You could not make a worse movie if you tried.  I think they were trying to make a movie so bad it was good, but it turned out only being bad with no redeeming value whatsoever.  

Here's a still from the film.  



This is one of the better scenes.  The rest are worse.  This is a complete abomination.  
« Last Edit: April 23, 2019, 12:22:59 AM by Kaos »
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Snaggletiger

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #2903 on: April 23, 2019, 09:52:16 AM »
You underestimate the sheer savagery of a rogue bunny.

Image result for Monty Python Run Away memes
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #2904 on: April 23, 2019, 10:03:54 AM »
You have way too much time on your hands if you can throw away a couple of hours on a movie that is 99.9% likely to suck sour ass.
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You can keep a wooden stake in your trunk
On the off-chance that the fairy tales ain't bunk
And Imma keep a bottle of that funk
To get motel parking lot, balcony crunk.

Snaggletiger

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #2905 on: April 23, 2019, 10:08:33 AM »
You have way too much time on your hands if you can throw away a couple of hours on a movie that is 99.9% likely to suck sour ass.
He should have put the bunny back in the box.
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My doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating.  I asked him why, and he said, "because I'm trying to examine you."

Godfather

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #2906 on: April 23, 2019, 11:33:16 AM »


This is what happens when you fuck the bunny in the ass, Larry.    You see what happens Larry.
« Last Edit: April 23, 2019, 11:49:10 AM by Godfather »
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Kaos

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #2907 on: April 23, 2019, 02:33:43 PM »
You have way too much time on your hands if you can throw away a couple of hours on a movie that is 99.9% likely to suck sour ass.
I love movies.  All movies.  I can usually find some small glimmer of redemption in anything.  

I'm old.  We don't go clubbing, we don't go dancing.  A good evening for us is dinner, a movie (any movie), some wine and just hanging out.  
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #2908 on: April 23, 2019, 03:36:25 PM »
I love movies.  All movies.  I can usually find some small glimmer of redemption in anything. 

I'm old.  We don't go clubbing, we don't go dancing.  A good evening for us is dinner, a movie (any movie), some wine and just hanging out. 
and you have this thread post to maintain
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Kaos

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #2909 on: April 26, 2019, 10:12:06 PM »
Aquaman

Everything wrong with the DC Universe and Zac Snyder's direction was highlighted in this waterlogged turd. 

It was absolutely terrible.  Words cannot describe its blatant awfulness. From the very first scene to the mid-credits sequence this movie was a fish-eyed fool.

What about it was bad you say?

Everything.

Dialogue:  Clunky. Stilted. Corny. Cheesy. Worse than an average episode of Batman from 1966.

Music: Every musical choice was the worst possible selection that could have been made. It was so bad it interjected the dramatic squirrel music when "bad things" occurred.



Acting (both choices and performance):  Amber Heard was wooden and monotone.  Jason Moomoo is large and (I assume) attractive but he has the screen presence of a moldy piece of bread.  Patrick Wilson was awful. So was Nicole Kidman. When the best actor in your film is, by far, Dolph Lungdren you have clearly missed the boat.

Script: Lots of ridiculous mumbo jumbo, conversation about things that happened that I guess we were supposed to know.  Random silliness. Plot points stolen verbatim from other films (and any random episode of Power Rangers).

CGI: They spent so much time and money making sure people looked like they were swimming and their hair moved under water I guess they just didn't have time to put much effort into anything else.  CGI in DC movies has typically been bad (see the joke that was Justice League) and this continued that downward trend.

I love the genre.  I hate pretty much everything DC has done.  This went right into that pile of scrap for me.  If the franchise was already taking on water, this titanic dud should sink it. I'd like to find something nice to say about it, but it's really hard to find anything.  The colors were pretty, I suppose.  The jellyfish dress was interesting.  Yeah, that's about it.  
« Last Edit: April 26, 2019, 10:22:49 PM by Kaos »
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Kaos

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #2910 on: April 28, 2019, 12:10:09 AM »
Avengers: End Game 

Marvel still knows how to do superhero movies better than anyone ever.  This movie is light years better than Aquaman, Justice League, Dawn of Justice or anything in the DC pantheon except possibly Wonder Woman. 

But for all the noise and crashing and bashing and loop closing; for all the praise and money it's going to get, it was -- to me -- second tier Marvel.  I know you have to suspend the rules when you're watching a movie where a woman can fly, a guy can shrink himself to the size of an ant, a guy can turn himself into an angry green ogre, a guy sails in from space with a magic hammer and another wizardy guy can spin travel portals with his fingers.  Even so, I had a major problem with the basic concepts of this movie. I was unmoved by the motivations. 

You'll either see it or you won't so I'm not going to recap the film.  Not going to give any hints as to the ending.  I'm just going to fit it into my own pecking order.  

There are top tier films.  The movies that left me awed and agape; the films that I didn't really want to end. 

Iron Man
Thor: Ragingcrocs
Guardians of the Galaxy
The Avengers

Those movies were note-perfect in my mind.  Completely satisfying.  

Then there's the second tier.  Good, but not great movies.  Enjoyed them, but they weren't the epic masterpieces the others were.  Some were just too busy, some had too much noise, some thought too much of themselves. All had something that kept it from being elevated. 

The movies I put here are
Ant Man 1 and 2  (although both were closer to the top tier than some of the others)
Guardians 2
Iron Man 2 and 3
All Captain Americas
Captain Marvel
Spiderman Homecoming
Thor: Dark World
Infinity Wars (Although this is probably closer to the bottom)

And then there were the ones I considered sort of duds.  Not duds in the Aquaman/Justice League abysmal sense, but just not quite there.  Either essentially forgettable, mishandled or completely overhyped.  

Black Panther was a terrible Marvel movie.  It was stupid. It was insulting. I'll never watch it again and I could have done without it completely. 

Age of Ultron was a misstep.  A hugely successful misstep but an overly busy, excessively noisy, outlandishly destructive error. 

Thor just didn't work.  I really appreciate how they've retooled the character and given him humor and life but the first Thor movie didn't even really hint at that promise.  Some bad directorial choices and a bust with the choice of Natalie Portman. 


Endgame falls somewhere toward the bottom of the second tier.  It's going to make ass tons of money.  It will be praised to the high heavens by almost everyone.  My truth, however, is that in comparison to Iron Man, Guardians and those others at the top of the list it just falls way outside the cut.  I've seen it, I'm glad I did, but (like Ultron) I have no interest in sitting through it again.  
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #2911 on: April 29, 2019, 10:18:00 AM »
Don’t worry. She’s got us. 

Give me a fucking break. 

They base phase 4 around Captain Marvel, they will ruin marvel like they did Star Wars. 
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Kaos

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #2912 on: April 29, 2019, 11:17:58 AM »
Don’t worry. She’s got us.

Give me a fucking break.

They base phase 4 around Captain Marvel, they will ruin marvel like they did Star Wars.
You didn’t just love the girl power moment where everybody from Michonne from Walking Dead to the green gal to stupid ass Gwyneth Paltrow as Ironbitch all got together to carry the ball?  

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Godfather

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #2913 on: April 29, 2019, 11:23:56 AM »
You didn’t just love the girl power moment where everybody from Michonne from Walking Dead to the green gal to stupid ass Gwyneth Paltrow as Ironbitch all got together to carry the ball? 
You forgot Hope Van Dyne, (the Wasp) who apparently left Ant Man who at the time was working on their only plan to be in that little scene.  $1 to Jarhead
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #2914 on: April 29, 2019, 11:32:41 AM »
You forgot Hope Van Dyne, (the Wasp) who apparently left Ant Man who at the time was working on their only plan to be in that little scene.  $1 to Jarhead
Don’t get me started on the kids going back to school. 
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #2915 on: April 29, 2019, 12:09:07 PM »
Don’t get me started on the kids going back to school.
We have already discussed this, they have been off from school for 5 years.  That is a long enough break.
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GH2001

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #2916 on: April 29, 2019, 01:14:12 PM »
Breathe out... slowly... do not gulp. If you do not breathe correctly, you do not move correctly. Pitiful. I can see the deadly hamburger has done its evil work.



Weird fact - that is Jennifer grey’s (dirty dancing) father. And now he’s gay. And old. 
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Kaos

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #2917 on: April 29, 2019, 02:01:19 PM »
Weird fact - that is Jennifer grey’s (dirty dancing) father. And now he’s gay. And old.
And Korean
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Kaos

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #2918 on: May 03, 2019, 07:53:14 AM »
Escape Room 

What would happen if Final Destination merged with Saw?  

This mildly entertaining, instantly forgettable weave through the world's most detailed escape room, that's what.  

Wasn't bad. Wasn't good.  Just was. 

Some interesting setups as a group of mismatched participants attempt to escape a series of traps.  When the film veered off into some secret society mumbo jumbo in the last unnecessary third it really lost its way.  
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Kaos

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #2919 on: May 06, 2019, 10:44:25 AM »
Zac Efron's Ted Bundy Movie

Zac completely inhabits Bundy.  

Other than that, there's  not much to recommend here.  The timeline skips, the lack of any real meat, the lengths to which the producers went to fabricate situations/events all combined to make a muddled mess of a movie with almost no tension.  It just failed to generate the urgency and intensity it needed to. 

Other than one brief scene, it didn't let Efron be the Bundy that did all the things that Bundy did. And I think it needed that.  
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