Kaos' way behind movie reviews

[Kaos]

Now You See Me Too
Everything interesting, clever, sly and entertaining that the original Now You See me was has, in this movie, been corrupted and squandered. 

It's a complete waste of the talent on hand and a sorry, meandering mishmash of silly storylines and "twists."  Lizzie Caplan is cute, but she's not Isla Fischer's equal.

Should have left well enough alone and let the first movie stand on its own. 

[bgreene]

Now You See Me Too
Everything interesting, clever, sly and entertaining that the original Now You See me was has, in this movie, been corrupted and squandered. 

It's a complete waste of the talent on hand and a sorry, meandering mishmash of silly storylines and "twists."  Lizzie Caplan is cute, but she's not Isla Fischer's equal.

Should have left well enough alone and let the first movie stand on its own.

And they set it up for another one.

[Jumbo]

Sausage Party was a steaming pile of dog shit!

[bgreene]

Check out "Hard Candy".  I watched it on demand from Comcast, don't know where else to get it. 

[Godfather]

Sausage Party was a steaming pile of dog shit!

I told you this, y u no trust me?

[Snaggletiger]

Not sure why you guys went in the first place.  Were you curious?  Experimenting? 

[Godfather]

Not sure why you guys went in the first place.  Were you curious?  Experimenting?

It was hot and I was hungry....who knew?

[Jumbo]

I told you this, y u no trust me?

[Kaos]

Star Wars: Phantom Menace
Star Wars: Attack of the Clones
Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith

These films have been on TNT over the last three nights.  I watched them all in the hopes of convincing myself that I'd just misremembered, misjudged and unfairly maligned them. 

I was wrong.  They were even worse than I remember. 

The CGI is roughly the equivalent of Sharknado.  Well, Sharknado might be better. 

The acting is worse than that in any porn movie you've ever seen. 

Liam Neeson? Atrocious. Hayden whateverthefuck? Kill him now. Ewan McGregor?  Horrendous. Natalie Portman? I've never really thought much of her as an actress beyond her work with Leon and she's woefully bad here. 

The "Jar Jar Binks was really the bad guy" theory?  Blow it out your ass. That poorly rendered rastafarian piece of shit was massively offensive and annoying.

They are three of the worst movies in every conceivable way that I've ever seen.  If you hadn't told me George Lucas was serious with this shit I'd swear the were bad parody.  The "Scary Movie" to "Scream" 

They perverted the story, shit all over the history and mythos and should be expunged from the universe never to be shown again. 

They're fucking awful.  Dreadful.  I'd rather bang my face into a bucket of broken glass than watch any of these turkey turds again. 

I wish the master copies would burn in a dick fire. 

[The Six]

K, have you seen any of the Purge movies? Curious as to what you think of those.

[Kaos]

K, have you seen any of the Purge movies? Curious as to what you think of those.

Liked the first one.
Hated the second one pretty much.
Election Year was much better (save the shitty acting) but not as good as the first 

When I travel I like to look up where movies were filmed and if I can, go visit that area.  When I was in Rhode Island this summer I went to St. Ann's in Woonsocket where the church scenes were filmed. 

[The Six]

Liked the first one.
Hated the second one pretty much.
Election Year was much better (save the shootty acting) but not as good as the first 

When I travel I like to look up where movies were filmed and if I can, go visit that area.  When I was in Rhode Island this summer I went to St. Ann's in Woonsocket where the church scenes were filmed.

Thanks. Haven't seen the third one yet but saw it on rental availability. I will give it a shot.

My wife and I did that visit the site thing in Savannah with Midnight in the Garden. Neat to see the real thing. Except for Uga the dog. Fuck that mutt.

[Kaos]

The Shallows

Blake Lively is pleasant enough to look at, although that mole under her eye is distracting as hell.  The scenery in this movie is beautiful. 

That's all there is to recommend this overboiled oceanic turd of a movie.  It's absolutely terrible. 

Killer shark stalks surfer who has the misfortune of crossing its path. Cuts her off from land and strands her on a rock that grows smaller with the tide. 

I like some continuity.  This movie had very little.  One shot shows calm seas as far as the horizon, the next she's roiling in ten-foot waves.  The continued transition between placid seas and soaring waves was unnerving. 

This shark bites grown men in half, but shakes her for a few minutes and all she has is a thigh wound.  Bad one, but still. 

The list of stupid could go on forever.  The way the shark was vanquished in the end was ludicrous. 

I wanted the shark to win. 

Zero stars. 

[Kaos]

The Darkness

Kevin Bacon makes a limpid horror movie. 

This is one of those that probably looked good on paper but once they started filming they realized they had a turkey turd. Then they kept on filming it anyway. 

In one of the weirdest casting decisions I've ever seen in my life, the story opens with Bacon and his wife (Rhada Mitchell who you'll recognize, but have no idea what you've seen her in) out in the desert on some kind of weird ass picnic with another couple.  The other couple consists of Veep's Matt Walsh and Allison from House.  Medium-big stars (arguably bigger than Bacon/Mitchell) who disappear after that opening scene.  They are not seen again. 

There are some weird glances, hints of "an affair" but that story thread just fizzles.  Did the original story have more for them to do and the director decided to pivot and waste the money paid them?  It was decidedly odd to have the second-billed case members only appear on screen for maybe five minutes. Did the same thing with Ming-Na Wen and Paul Reiser both of whom appear to be there only to make nonsensical commentary. 

There's a wasted sideline about eating disorders that had no place in the film.   And autism!  And alcoholism! And infidelity!

Mainly a case of throw shit against a wall, have people behave like no people in the world would ever really behave, play some loud music and make some shadows.  Call it a movie and get the fuck out. 

Absolutely terrible. 

For those gluttons for idiocy who still might want to watch it, the storyline is about some dumbass rocks the autistic kid brings back from a cave that unleash some sleeping demons.  Thank goodness there was a youtube video that explained exactly what was happening if you google "strange sounds..." 

[Kaos]

The Neighbor

Bill Engvall as a possibly murderous neighbor to a couple living way out in the Mississippi sticks. 

Let that sink in for a minute.  Bill Engvall as the bad guy.

He's not the worst part of this movie.

Any questions?

[Godfather]

The Shallows

Blake Lively is pleasant enough to look at, although that mole under her eye is distracting as hell.  The scenery in this movie is beautiful. 

That's all there is to recommend this overboiled oceanic turd of a movie.  It's absolutely terrible. 

Killer shark stalks surfer who has the misfortune of crossing its path. Cuts her off from land and strands her on a rock that grows smaller with the tide. 

I like some continuity.  This movie had very little.  One shot shows calm seas as far as the horizon, the next she's roiling in ten-foot waves.  The continued transition between placid seas and soaring waves was unnerving. 

This shark bites grown men in half, but shakes her for a few minutes and all she has is a thigh wound.  Bad one, but still. 

The list of stupid could go on forever.  The way the shark was vanquished in the end was ludicrous. 

I wanted the shark to win. 

Zero stars.

I was ok with it up until the way she killed the shark at the end....It jumped the shark.

[Kaos]

'Titanic

I loathe this movie.  I hate it as much as I hate Alabama. I hate it because it sucks. I hate it because of some personal associations in my life. 

Was forced to endure roughly six hours of this eleven-hour schmaltz fest yesterday.  I hate it more now than I did before.

[chityeah]

'Titanic

I loathe this movie.  I hate it as much as I hate Alabama. I hate it because it sucks. I hate it because of some personal associations in my life. 

Was forced to endure roughly six hours of this eleven-hour schmaltz fest yesterday.  I hate it more now than I did before.

Should have watched cinemax. 7 hours of uninterrupted Godfather. Heaven!

[dallaswareagle]

'Titanic

I loathe this movie.  I hate it as much as I hate Alabama. I hate it because it sucks. I hate it because of some personal associations in my life. 

Was forced to endure roughly six hours of this eleven-hour schmaltz fest yesterday.  I hate it more now than I did before.

Ass whip of a movie, but shed a male tear at the end when they are in the water and it is big time male credits around the house for a while.   

[GH2001]

No Deep Water Horizon this past weekend for anyone?