Kaos' way behind movie reviews

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #1860 on:** May 15, 2015, 07:36:37 AM »

Horrible Bosses 2 (If reviewed 10 pages back, I missed it)

Bored and wanted to laugh so we rented it. Didn't see HB but trust me, that would have made no difference. Some of you have talked about It's always sunny in Philly and I've watched it a few times. Yes, the show is funny as hell but I think what helps it stay that way is that it's a series. By that I mean 3 guys, the main characters including Charlie Day of It's always sunny, all talking at the same time for two straight hours really gets old.

For me, the movie was 50/50. There were some incredibly funny moments *spoiler* like Jennifer Aniston, who plays a sex addict, who wants a threesome with the guys and while she's in the bathroom shaving her twat twat, the three guys are debating over who gets ass, mouth or pussy. Aniston comes out of the bathroom saying, "Boys, this pussy is not going to eat itself." Okay, maybe that scene was memorable for me strictly because Jennifer Aniston said that. But the movie really did deliver some laugh your ass off moments.

The drawbacks were the aforementioned endless attempts to be funny with all characters talking over each other. If you couldn't make out the dialogue, which happened a lot, you almost missed entire scenes. The second was the cussing. Ever come out of a flick and think how it would have been much better without the stream of F-bombs? It just didn't fit here and I honestly don't recall ever seeing a movie with more of them. It was needless. Added nothing and actually got really distracting at times. It was like watching Al Borges and Rick Trickett running an Auburn practice. Case in point, Jamie Foxx had a small part in it. His name was Motherfucking Jones.

Godfather · « **Reply #1861 on:** May 15, 2015, 08:05:14 AM »

Quote from: Snaggletiger on May 15, 2015, 07:36:37 AM

Case in point, Jamie Foxx had a small part in it. His name was Motherfucking Jones.

You know how he got that name?

When he was a kid he snuck into his mother's bedroom.

She was laying there, naked.

She'd been drinking all night.

And he snuck up behind her.

And he slipped his fingers...

into her purse.

And he took her money. The whole weeks pay. He really fucked her over and that's how he got the name, Motherfucker Jones.

Token · « **Reply #1862 on:** May 15, 2015, 09:02:26 AM »

Quote from: Godfather on May 15, 2015, 08:05:14 AM

You know how he got that name?

When he was a kid he snuck into his mother's bedroom.

She was laying there, naked.

She'd been drinking all night.

And he snuck up behind her.

And he slipped his fingers...

into her purse.

And he took her money. The whole weeks pay. He really fucked her over and that's how he got the name, Motherfucker Jones.

Maybe you should go by motherfucker over Jones...to avoid the confusion.

Godfather · « **Reply #1863 on:** May 15, 2015, 09:07:25 AM »

Quote from: Token on May 15, 2015, 09:02:26 AM

Maybe you should go by motherfucker over Jones...to avoid the confusion.

What confusion?

Kaos · « **Reply #1864 on:** May 17, 2015, 01:27:42 AM »

Pitch Perfect 2

Quite possibly the worst movie I've ever wasted money to see. House full of girls and my Mad Max wish got overruled. I wish to hell Max had crashed in and murdered the chicks in this film. And the alleged dudes, too.

I get that it's supposed to be campy and not taken seriously. Worldwide acapella competitions? Yeah. Whatever. The interplay between the two smarmy hosts was occasionally interesting. Key (or was it Peele?) was a dash of moderate quality but...

None of the fucks in this movie about singing can fucking sing. Not a lick.

All of the male parts are androgynously plain with all the personality of a squishy dishrag.

Anna Kendrick, who I at one point considered good looking, I think, was hard to look at. And her voice was like tinfoil through a screen door. Nasal and grating.

The fat bitch looks like a bad John Candy impersonator wearing a shitty blonde wig. Except Candy in a wig would be funny. This rotund moose is never funny. Ever. I've never seen a single thing she's been in where she added anything to the film, with the exception of her first role when she played the roommate in Bridesmaids. She essentially plays the same bumbling, mumbling oaf in every appearance since. She hasn't expanded her repertoire beyond "I'm fat and crude" and is so gratingly awful she makes the double shitacular elephantippo Melissa McCarthy look as funny as a combination of Richard Pryor,80s Eddie Murphy and Stripes Bill Murray. I fucking loathed every second that wasted wad of blubber was on the screen.

Brittany Murphy was hysterically bad. The rest of the cast sucked rabid salamander tits.

All the competition was pathetic.

The "fun" college party looked as boring as Stephen Hawking's bar mitzvah. The "fun" pillow fight looked about as realistic and entertaining as a pack of greasy hyenas scrumming over an ostrich carcass.

Holy FUCK this movie was a disgrace. It was a fresh level of hell, one I didn't think existed.

What a terrible movie. Elizabeth Banks directed this epic turd. I guess she learned the craft from her time on the "comedy" Meet Dave.

Sucked. I can't think of enough words to express my utter contempt and disdain for every celluloid second of this shizzlefuckfest.

And to top it off? Snoop Do-double-don't give a fuck no more, stooped to shitting all over his legacy in this film.

Firing squads should be convened. Immediately.

GH2001 · « **Reply #1865 on:** May 17, 2015, 08:57:55 AM »

Anna Kendrick may be just as overrated as Jennifer Lawrence. Just a little older. And seems nicer.

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #1866 on:** May 17, 2015, 09:04:50 AM »

Anyone seen Pitch Perfect 2? I've heard good things about it.

Tiger Wench · « **Reply #1867 on:** May 17, 2015, 03:55:17 PM »

Quote from: Snaggletiger on May 17, 2015, 09:04:50 AM

Anyone seen Pitch Perfect 2? I've heard good things about it.

Just add tomatoes.

Catphish Tilly · « **Reply #1868 on:** May 18, 2015, 09:40:18 AM »

Quote from: Snaggletiger on May 17, 2015, 09:04:50 AM

Anyone seen Pitch Perfect 2? I've heard good things about it.

My fiance's reviews typically range from "that was a cute movie" to "aww, that was a cute movie". Being filmed at LSU tipped her review to lean more toward the "aww" end of the scale.

I was not in attendance to review the film, which is a strong indicator mine would lean toward Kaos' spectrum.

AUJarhead · « **Reply #1869 on:** May 18, 2015, 09:42:25 AM »

Quote from: Kaos on May 17, 2015, 01:27:42 AM

Pitch Perfect 2

Brittany Murphy was hysterically bad.

This guy here is dead.

Buzz Killington · « **Reply #1870 on:** May 18, 2015, 09:45:18 AM »

Quote from: AUJarhead on May 18, 2015, 09:42:25 AM

This guy here is dead.

Well, cross him off then!

Tiger Wench · « **Reply #1871 on:** May 18, 2015, 10:21:52 AM »

Quote from: Snaggletiger on May 17, 2015, 09:04:50 AM

Anyone seen Pitch Perfect 2? I've heard good things about it.

Tops in the box office this weekend - even beat Mad Max. $70.3M - that's a lot of crap.

Kaos · « **Reply #1872 on:** May 18, 2015, 11:14:44 AM »

Quote from: Tiger Wench on May 18, 2015, 10:21:52 AM

Tops in the box office this weekend - even beat Mad Max. $70.3M - that's a lot of crap.

Is a commentary on the decline of society more than anything.

dallaswareagle · « **Reply #1873 on:** May 18, 2015, 11:29:10 AM »

I got around to Avengers this weekend. Imax in 3D. Not as good as the first one but killed some rain time here in Dallas.

Jumbo · « **Reply #1874 on:** May 18, 2015, 12:55:26 PM »

Quote from: Snaggletiger on May 17, 2015, 09:04:50 AM

Anyone seen Pitch Perfect 2? I've heard good things about it.

I watched it this weekend thought it was a smash hit. It's a heated mess.

dallaswareagle · « **Reply #1875 on:** May 18, 2015, 12:58:08 PM »

Quote from: Jumbo on May 18, 2015, 12:55:26 PM

I watched it this weekend thought it was a smash hit. It's a heated mess.

Guess I need to go see Pitch Perfect 1 to get caught up.

Kaos · « **Reply #1876 on:** May 18, 2015, 01:50:14 PM »

Horns

Based on a book by Stephen King's son, Joe Hill (which I have read).

Essentially a guy wakes up to find the love of his life has been murdered and he's the chief suspect. He curses God for his plight and is rewarded with a pair of horns (devil horns) that compel people to tell him their darkest secrets. And he can use them to suggest actions.

Starred Harry Potter, the girl Matthew McConaghey boned in Killer Joe, Dexter's dad, a guy from St. Elsewhere and a few other faces you'd probably recognize from various places.

Let's get this out of the way first: In the grand tradition of most Stephen King books, the movie was eleventy seven times shittier than the book. There's just something about King's brand of horror and the people chosen to participate in film projects of his books that turns the written page into glittering shit.

The dialogue, which sort of works in the book, is stilted and stupid.

Harry Potter is a horrible actor, one of the worst I've seen (and I've seen Nicholas Cage try to act).

Everything about the movie was awful Stupidly inappropriate scenes of raunch for no real reason. Bad sets, bad CGI, bad acting, bad everything.

Everything about it was an epic fail. That Potter dude better hope JK writes an assload more wizard books because he isn't capable of doing much else.

dallaswareagle · « **Reply #1877 on:** May 19, 2015, 08:30:06 AM »

And I would say that was a generic Auburn shirt in the warehouse scene, our thuggary should not be contained to just one continent.

wesfau2 · « **Reply #1878 on:** May 19, 2015, 03:06:10 PM »

Mad Max: Fury Road

Meh. About 45 minutes too long. The overbearing hockey horn was too much, too often. Too much girly drama for a Max film

WiregrassTiger · « **Reply #1879 on:** May 19, 2015, 03:58:25 PM »

Quote from: wesfau2 on May 19, 2015, 03:06:10 PM

Mad Max: Fury Road

Meh. About 45 minutes too long. The overbearing hockey horn was too much, too often. Too much girly drama for a Max film

I saw Mad Max on HBO around 1986. If you are catching up, I also recommend Smokey and the Bandit and Rambo.

Both of these are decent movies and must sees for intellectuals, such as yourself.