Kaos' way behind movie reviews

Kaos · « **Reply #880 on:** November 15, 2011, 12:48:46 AM »

X Men: First Class

Amazing cast.

Movie? Pffffttttttttttttttttttttt. Hahahahahaha. What a joke.

I adored Jennifer Lawrence in Winter's Bone. Thought she could be the next great actress, maybe the first great one in a long time. Fuck a bucket, I was wrong. She was absolutely fucking hideous here. She was Amanda Byne-level. Horribly used. If this shit had come out before WB she'd have been laughed out of the Oscar Nomination she deserved her WB performance.

Terrible film. Everybody in it sucked.

Kevin Bacon? BAAAA HAAA HAA HAAAA HAAAA... Shitty.

Call me... Magneto... BAAAA HAAAA HAAA HAAA HAAAA.

Wait, was this a comedy? I might have to change my view. Batman snickered when he saw this film. Brandon Routh was relieved because his shitty, shitty Superman movie has competition.

FWIW, this continues a pattern. No previews or extras on the Blu Ray. Whenever that happens the movie sucks moldy ass.

Kaos · « **Reply #881 on:** November 15, 2011, 12:59:04 AM »

The Perfect Host

Ever wonder if Maris Crane was real? Ever give thought to the fact that Niles Crane might have had some really kinky weird shit going on when he wasn't bothering Frasier, disappointing his dad or lusting after Daphne?

If it ever crossed your mind, The Perfect Host is a film that gives you a glimpse into the possibilities. Whatever his name is will always be Niles Crane. He can't escape that persona. And he doesn't here despite his best efforts.

A desperate outlaw seeks refuge in the house of the guy who is not Niles and finds out that he may have gotten way more than he bargained for.

The "Working at the Carwash" scene is almost worth it. If you don't watch the movie you should at least look that up on YouTube. It won't make a lot of sense without the context that leads up to it, but it's interesting.

The movie doesn't quite reach the level of depravity it should and because of that leaves a lot on the table.

Other than Niles, the rest of the cast is basically upper-tier porno quality. Well, except for Helen Reddy and she doesn't even reach those heights. The film itself suffers from a definite lack of production values, the sets and lighting are pretty bad, the wardrobe selections are not even porno-level and the supporting cast is terribly weak and wooden.

It's clearly a very low-budget film but it does have some entertainment value. I guess when you're pigeonholed as Niles you'll take about anything to try to break that mold.

Kaos · « **Reply #882 on:** November 15, 2011, 11:20:12 AM »

Fred Claus

Vince Vaughn never acts. He merely portrays himself in various films.

Here he fucking sucks. As always.

I was hoping the usually good Paul Giamatti could elevate this film. He was worse here than he was as orangutan.

I hoped the typically sexy Rachel Weisz would give me some incentive. She did not, bundled as she was in a fur cap and heavy postman gear.

I was looking forward to the adorable Elizabeth Banks. Sadly, not enough to make this film watchable.

Festering turd of a film.

Vince Vaughn is the worst of the Turd Pack of no-talent hacks which includes Ferrell, Wilson (all of them) and the rest of that painfully unfunny crew.

AU_Tiger_2000 · « **Reply #883 on:** November 15, 2011, 11:21:45 AM »

Quote from: Kaos on November 15, 2011, 11:20:12 AM

Fred Claus

Vince Vaughn never acts. He merely portrays himself in various films.

Here he fudgeing sucks. As always.

I was hoping the usually good Paul Giamatti could elevate this film. He was worse here than he was as orangutan.

I hoped the typically sexy Rachel Weisz would give me some incentive. She did not, bundled as she was in a fur cap and heavy postman gear.

I was looking forward to the adorable Elizabeth Banks. Sadly, not enough to make this film watchable.

Festering turd of a film.

Vince Vaughn is the worst of the Turd Pack of no-talent hacks which includes Ferrell, Wilson (all of them) and the rest of that painfully unfunny crew.

This was on TV the other night after How the Grinch Stole Christmas (the good one with Boris Karloff, not Jim Carrey's travesty). You are correct sir, it got 86'ed about 3 minutes in.

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #884 on:** November 16, 2011, 09:25:35 AM »

All I know is The Negotiator was on again last night for the 217th time.....and I watched it...for the 217th time.

dallaswareagle · « **Reply #885 on:** November 16, 2011, 02:32:12 PM »

Quote from: Snaggletiger on November 16, 2011, 09:25:35 AM

All I know is The Negotiator was on again last night for the 217th time.....and I watched it...for the 217th time.

Same with me except mine was: Jenna does (ah nevermind)

Kaos · « **Reply #886 on:** November 18, 2011, 01:24:42 AM »

Bridesmaids

Not at all what I expected.

2:05:00 of my life I wish I could have back.

Kept waiting for it to hit its stride and all it did was wallow. Kristin Wiig cannot carry a movie. Neither can Maya. Both are better in supporting -- minor -- roles.

A bad NBC sketch comedy full of SNL and The Office castoffs.

How this dismal stink bomb earned critical praise and was considered a "comedy" is beyond me.

Kaos · « **Reply #887 on:** November 20, 2011, 09:01:13 AM »

I Am Number Four

No. You made number two on the screen.

Wasted the gorgeous Teresa Palmer.

Kaos · « **Reply #888 on:** November 28, 2011, 04:55:07 PM »

Ed Wood

Johnny Depp in an angora sweater and blonde wig just wasn't everything I thought it would be. Not even when he showed his bra, panties and leggings did the film rise up.

I wasn't as impressed with Depp as I expected to be in this role. He made the same face he made throught Willy Wonka but this one was just in black and white and without all the cool props.

I assume it was meant to be as campishly bad as all of Wood's campishly awful movies and in this it was a success.

Landau as Lugosi was excellent. Outstanding job. I forgot he wasn't Bela for a while.

The rest of the cast .... meh. Intentionally bad I think.

A film only serious Depp fans could appreciate and I guess I'm just not as serious as I thought I was.

Godfather · « **Reply #889 on:** November 28, 2011, 05:10:34 PM »

Quote from: Kaos on November 18, 2011, 01:24:42 AM

Bridesmaids

Not at all what I expected.

2:05:00 of my life I wish I could have back.

Kept waiting for it to hit its stride and all it did was wallow. Kristin Wiig cannot carry a movie. Neither can Maya. Both are better in supporting -- minor -- roles.

A bad NBC sketch comedy full of SNL and The Office castoffs.

How this dismal stink bomb earned critical praise and was considered a "comedy" is beyond me.

Another one I agree with you on...perhaps the world is coming to an end.

Kaos · « **Reply #890 on:** December 11, 2011, 10:09:45 AM »

Captain America

If there was an online survey I'd check "neither liked nor disliked" this movie. It wasn't good. It wasn't bad. It wasn't all that entertaining. It wasn't boring.

The big reveal at the end and the continuing push toward the big group Avengers-type film was idiotic and contrived. Stupid, it was.

I don't really want to see the big Avenger-fest anyway. It's like when you take the stupid kids and try to mainstream them in with the bright kids hoping that the better students will inspire and elevate the poorer ones. Doesn't work that way. Always sinks to the lowest level. The dumb remain dumb while the smart dull it down.

So you've got Ironman -- one great and one pretty good movie. Hulk: a number of dreadfully shitty movies. Thor: One bowl of cold oatmeal of a movie. Hawkeye, who hasn't been in a movie . Black Widow who made a cameo in the worst of the two Ironman movies. And Loki. What the fuck is Loki? Going to add this dry and uninspiring Captain America to that mix. Bleh.

The guy playing Captain America was a horrible actor. Terrible. He brought no panache to any scene he was in. Plus he is already Torch in the Fantastic Four. That's like having Gwen Paltrow also play Catwoman. Or Zach Quintl also play Han Solo in a Star Wars reboot. She's either Pepper or she's Selena. He's either Spock or Han. Can't be both. And did I mention that he's a wooden stiff of an actor with zero screen presence. He has no chemistry with his supposed best friend, no chemistry with the army lady, none with Tommy Lee Jones and none with a squandered Stanley Tucci.

TLJ was utterly wasted. Nothing but a set piece. Any number of nameless, faceless character actors could have filled that role adequately. Red Skull wasn't intimidating in the least. His girlfriend is now close to 100 and probably smells dusty. Not that I bought that relationship anyway.

The film went all in with a special effects bonanza which saw a shrimpy version of the wooden actor become a more chiseled version of the same bad actor. Yeah, that was pretty cool but it wasn't enough to carry the movie and by the end had really no bearing on anything.

That portion of the story was a little reckless, actually. So what, Captain America can hit 70 home runs or win the league MVP trophy now that he's juiced up on HGH and roids?

As a one-off waste of time, it was fair. As a building block to the beginning of the Avengers franchise, I cringe. Ironman is great. These dreary supplemental pieces will do nothing but drag that quality franchise into the shitter. I hope they never do Justice League.

Welcome back Cap'n. You been sleep for 70 years. Pfffffffffffffffttttttttttttttttttttt. Would have been better if he'd woken up to apes running the country. Way better.

Kaos · « **Reply #891 on:** December 16, 2011, 11:55:17 PM »

Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows

Now that's what a movie should be.

Being that it was a sequel it suffered somewhat from sequel disease. It was a little bloated and overlong; it wasn't quite as oddly charming as the first episode; it tried to do a little too much; it tacked on some action sequences that defied belief.

And yet...

Great movie. Action mixed with fun mixed with a dash of drama and intrigue thrown in for good measure. Kept you guessing, made you care.

Robert Downey, Jr. is the man. I hate Jude Law in everything else but this. Here, he's quite good.

Not going to bother you with the extremely convoluted story or nitpick the action that occasionally bordered on ridiculous (and at the end crossed the line completely into absurd).

See the movie. It's worth the ticket.

GH2001 · « **Reply #892 on:** December 17, 2011, 03:47:01 PM »

Quote from: Kaos on December 16, 2011, 11:55:17 PM

Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows

Now that's what a movie should be.

Being that it was a sequel it suffered somewhat from sequel disease. It was a little bloated and overlong; it wasn't quite as oddly charming as the first episode; it tried to do a little too much; it tacked on some action sequences that defied belief.

And yet...

Great movie. Action mixed with fun mixed with a dash of drama and intrigue thrown in for good measure. Kept you guessing, made you care.

Robert Downey, Jr. is the man. I hate Jude Law in everything else but this. Here, he's quite good.

Not going to bother you with the extremely convoluted story or nitpick the action that occasionally bordered on ridiculous (and at the end crossed the line completely into absurd).

See the movie. It's worth the ticket.

Agree on Downey. When the dude is sober he's a great actor.

JR4AU · « **Reply #893 on:** December 17, 2011, 07:10:53 PM »

Quote from: GH2001 on December 17, 2011, 03:47:01 PM

Agree on Downey. When the dude is sober he's a great actor.

Agree on Downey as well, and I plan to see the movie. Loved the first one. I can handle the absurdly ridiculous action stuff in movies like this.

AU_Tiger_2000 · « **Reply #894 on:** December 17, 2011, 09:57:14 PM »

Quote from: JR4AU on December 17, 2011, 07:10:53 PM

Agree on Downey as well, and I plan to see the movie. Loved the first one. I can handle the absurdly ridiculous action stuff in movies like this.

Agreed. Suspension of disbelief works in movies like this, can't wait to see it.

Jumbo · « **Reply #895 on:** December 18, 2011, 03:50:00 AM »

Quote from: Kaos on December 16, 2011, 11:55:17 PM

Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows

Now that's what a movie should be.

Being that it was a sequel it suffered somewhat from sequel disease. It was a little bloated and overlong; it wasn't quite as oddly charming as the first episode; it tried to do a little too much; it tacked on some action sequences that defied belief.

And yet...

Great movie. Action mixed with fun mixed with a dash of drama and intrigue thrown in for good measure. Kept you guessing, made you care.

Robert Downey, Jr. is the man. I hate Jude Law in everything else but this. Here, he's quite good.

Not going to bother you with the extremely convoluted story or nitpick the action that occasionally bordered on ridiculous (and at the end crossed the line completely into absurd).

See the movie. It's worth the ticket.

Whew knew Sherlock was a Ninja.