Kaos' way behind movie reviews

[Kaos]

I would like to request a review of "The Belko Experiment"

Currently airing on Cinemax OD

Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #2439 on: July 10, 2017, 11:55:05 AM »


The Belko Experiment

Interesting premise.  Office full of people locked in with no escape.  Disembodied voice demands kill or be killed.  

Some lazy storytelling and a cast so large it didn't have enough time to give background or a reason to be invested in the life or death of most. Still, an interesting cast. Merle from Walking Dead, John mcginley, tony Goldwyn, a hot Colombian chick and best of all THE Nelson "Big Head" Bighetti.  

The movie was better as a conversational starting point for whether you would kill or die than it was in actual execution.  Still had some good moments.  

There was no way it could have a satisfying ending. It didn't.

[wesfau2]

Annihilation.

MEH.

Loads of flash, total lack of substance.  It's Avatar Redux in that respect.  You've seen this plot done better and with more skill.

[Godfather]

Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #2439 on: July 10, 2017, 11:55:05 AM »


The Belko Experiment

Interesting premise.  Office full of people locked in with no escape.  Disembodied voice demands kill or be killed.  

Some lazy storytelling and a cast so large it didn't have enough time to give background or a reason to be invested in the life or death of most. Still, an interesting cast. Merle from Walking Dead, John mcginley, tony Goldwyn, a hot Colombian chick and best of all THE Nelson "Big Head" Bighetti.  

The movie was better as a conversational starting point for whether you would kill or die than it was in actual execution.  Still had some good moments.  

There was no way it could have a satisfying ending. It didn't.

Well fuck me

Honestly, it just depressed the hell out of me.  

The one thing I kept thinking about was the new chick, they really never went into any explanation on her, she didn't have a chip in her head.  She saves the mass execution...sort of.  Doesn't really do anything else then after hiding all damn day decides to just ride around in the elevator in the open and gets blasted the first time the doors open.

[GH2001]

Annihilation.

MEH.

Loads of flash, total lack of substance.  It's Avatar Redux in that respect.  You've seen this plot done better and with more skill.

Another theory on the end of humanity. And only Natalie Portman can save us. 

[Kaos]

Another theory on the end of humanity. And only Natalie Portman can save us.

Welp.  We're fucked. 

[Kaos]

Justice League
Watching it now.  Notes along the way.

1) REALLY shitty opening.  Godawful song.  Fits very well with Zack Snyder's equally shitty musical choices from stuff like Sucker Punch.  Whoever was singing that must have been kin to somebody.  There's no excuse for that.  Horrible.  Just horrible. Completely out of place and set a terrible tone for the film.

2) Martha Kent's home is foreclosed on?  Seriously?  I'm calling double bullshit there.  

3) The action sequences to this point are poorly done.  Even the hottest woman on the planet didn't generate any fire in the bank scene.  But holy jizzbag she's hot.    

4) Oh good GRIEF.  Have we learned nothing?  The CGI at Thermopalye is atrocious. The CGI in Game of Thrones is 1000 times better than this pail of shit.

5) Damn, damn, damn. Having the "big bad" be 100% CGI (and not even good CGI) is a balls out disaster.  

* Note: I'm barely 20 minutes in and I'm ready to give up now.  I'm going to stick around hoping it gets better, but this movie is already a monument to just how completely tone-deaf the entire DC universe is.  It's not interesting, it's poorly rendered, it's just a hodgepodge of dumbfuckery.  


6) Oh hell. More shitty CGI as Wonder Woman explains what the stupid boxes are.  This is as bad as a SyFy movie. Or worse maybe.  

7) Mercedes product placement overload.

8) I hope like hell Bro-quaman gets better. I'm not behind his portrayal at all.  And here we go with incredibly shitty music again.

9) Shitty, shitty dialogue.  This is not even Beastmaster quality.  If you've never seen Beastmaster do so.  At least it's fun.  If I'm being honest?  If'd paid for this in the theaters I would have walked out.  The only thing keeping me now is the occasional glimpses of Gal Gadot's ass ad cleavage.  

10)  How is it possible to so completely fuck up entertaining, dynamic characters?  Batman is like somebody's granddad.  Gordon is fucked up. Alfred is fucked up. Flash is fucked up. Broquaman is fucked up. The only character with any resonance is Wonder Woman and that's only the result of her personal magnetism.

11) Good fuckity FUCK.  Cyborg is horrible.  Add another layer to the shitty CGI cake.

12) I'm done.  Time of death?  54:28. These characters mean too much to me to watch them be bungled so horribly.  Everything Marvel gets right, DC gets completely wrong.  Maybe if there had never been Iron Man or Avengers this turd wouldn't stink so terribly.  But it would still be a turd.  It makes Nolan's three Batman films look like The Godfather, To Kill a Mockingbird and Gone with the Wind. It's historically bad.  

I'm disappointed beyond words.  I so hoped not to be let down, but the near hour I survived of this shit was so maddeningly awful I can't abide it.

Still.

[The Six]

Damn, damn, damn. Having the "big bad" be 100% CGI (and not even good CGI) is a balls out disaster.  

I recommend avoiding Avengers Infinity War in case you hadn't already planned to skip it. 

[Kaos]

I recommend avoiding Avengers Infinity War in case you hadn't already planned to skip it.

Coincidentally a new trailer for Infinity dropped today.  I'm not deterred. 

The stark contrast between that film and Justice League couldn't be more evident.  Yes, there's CGI in IW and yes, Thanos is all CGI but it isn't so badly rendered that it looks like a copy of Madden for Sega circa 1999.

This is Justice League

This is Infinity Wars

The CGI was so bad in Justice League there were times I wondered if it were taken from a video game.  In fact, the CGI in Call of Duty: WW2 was better than Justice League.  

I don't object to CGI in general.  I mean I know that there's no trained raccoon in Guardians and there's not a giant walking tree either.  But in a movie of this magnitude I don't expect it to be so bad that it makes me laugh. 

 It has to make me forget that it's CGI.  

The scenes at Thermopalye?  Absolute joke.  It was community college level animation.  The capes that looked like they were made of warm fondant?  Mind bogglingly bad. The fake corn with the fake sky and fake house?  Good lord that was bad.  King Kong 1933 version was better.

The only saving grace in this entire movie was Wonder Woman.  When she was on screen it was like a completely different director took over and framed her scenes.  

This waddling sack of duck shit was worse than Man of Steel, worse than Batman v. Superman and teetered into Suicide Squad atrocity.  One of the most disappointing efforts I've ever scene.  

It kills me because I'm Batman over Iron Man, Superman (even though I can't stand the character) over Captain America all day long.  DC > Marvel.  

It's so bad, Warner should be enjoined from making any further efforts.  I'd like to see all the characters taken away from them and given to another studio entirely.  Or to an independent.  Give it to Vince Gilligan.

And still.... 

[CCTAU]

Jeez. It wasn't that horrible. Just grab some popcorn and watch. Forget your comic book details for a moment and just watch. I've seen much worse.

Your freaking out is unwarranted.

[Kaos]

Jeez. It wasn't that horrible. Just grab some popcorn and watch. Forget your comic book details for a moment and just watch. I've seen much worse.

Your freaking out is unwarranted.

In context it is the worst movie I’ve ever seen.  

[wesfau2]

In context it is the worst movie I’ve ever seen.  

It was pretty fucking bad.
The horrible Aquaman dialogue ("MY MAN!!!!") and acting was the most egregious offense for me, somehow.

Hard to pick a least favorite part of this one.

[Godfather]

On a Turd scale (100 turds) that is DC since the end of Bale it ranked second to Wonder Woman

100 Turds - Steel
99 Turds - Batman vs. Superman

85 Turds - Green Lantern
84 Turds - Superman (Man of Steel)
80 Turds - Suicide Squad

75 Turds - Justice League

60 Turds - Wonder Woman





30 Rainbow Unicorns - The Losers
50 Rainbow Unicorns - The Watchmen
100 Rainbow Unicorns - Batman Begins

[Kaos]

On a Turd scale (100 turds) that is DC since the end of Bale it ranked second to Wonder Woman

100 Turds - Steel
99 Turds - Batman vs. Superman

85 Turds - Green Lantern
84 Turds - Superman (Man of Steel)
80 Turds - Suicide Squad

75 Turds - Justice League

60 Turds - Wonder Woman





30 Rainbow Unicorns - The Losers
50 Rainbow Unicorns - The Watchmen
100 Rainbow Unicorns - Batman Begins

I could maybe agree with this except for two things.  

1) The CGI.  It was beyond amateurish.  It was like first cut with no cleanup.  A movie of this scale should look better than Sharknado.  It absolutely didn’t.  It was just as bad or worse.  I was completely stunned at how half ass most of it was.  Even if the writing, story and performances were stellar (they weren’t) the insulting CGI laid at least 20 extra turds on this one.   It was as bad as the stunt doubles in KISS Meets the Phantom.  It was MS-Paint bad.  

2) Characters. Batman was a boring dud. AquaBro (as wes noted) was a total miss.  Cyborg should have been left out.  Useless. Was only there for “diversity”.  Flash?  Come on. If you’re going to have a character noted for speed don’t let his running motion look like somebody tased the younger brother of Tom Cruise.
  
It’s mainly the CGI that lost me.  It was Rankin Bass Rudolph bad.

[Kaos]

Thor: Rageincock

Watched on a plane.  A perfect illustration of just how bad the DC product is. 

I don’t even like the Thor character.  But the movie was fantastic. 

The right amount of humor delivered at the appropriate times.  The movie knew exactly what it was and made the most of it.  

Thor was Saks Fifth Avenue to JL’s Prichard Dollar General.  It was a pair of Brooks running shoes to JL’s Payless sneakers. 

Thor good.  JL suck.  

That is so hard for me. Because I love the DC characters so much more.  

[Kaos]

Three Billboards

Movie on a plane.  Watched because I've always liked Frances McDormand's performances even if I think her political viewpoint is misguided.  I thought she was great in Raising Arizona.  

The film's acting performances are pretty fantastic.  McDormand is good, but frankly Woody Harrelson and Sam Rockwell were probably better.  

The story was good but despite the weight a little light overall.  

Much as in real life there was no meaning to some events and there was no real resolution to any of the story arcs.  We got a hint of where the arcs might go but don't really know how most of the characters fared.  That's how real life works I guess, but leaving so many threads unraveled -- from the estranged familial relationships of McDormand's character all the way to the dwarf dating -- isn't how movies usually work.  There should be some answers at least.

Quick summation:  Girl is raped and killed, mom doesn't think the police are doing enough so she puts up three billboards on a rarely-traveled road asking why nothing has been done.  Those billboards set a string of events in motion that divide a small town and turn its citizens against each other.

She's right, but she's also wrong.  She doesn't care about anything but her daughter, blinded to the realities that finding out what happened isn't the same as an hour of CSI.  In her singleminded determination to force what might be impossible she ends up damaging a lot of people's lives.  

The people who oppose her are a similar mix of right and wrong. Each make questionable decisions but each has some redeeming quality.  

Without the strong efforts by the lead actors/actresses this would have been a piffle of a story and immediately forgotten.  

[Kaos]

Going in Style

Three old dudes strike back at a mean bank.  Felt derivative. 

Then I realized it was a remake.  There was a 1979 movie of the same name starring George Burns, Art Carney and Lee Strasberg. 

Not a great movie, not a bad movie.  Just a movie.  

[Kaos]

Logan Lucky

Take Raising Arizona, add in NASCAR references, make it not funny, then add in a girl who looks pretty hot in trashy white boots.  Theres's your movie.

It wasn't terrible but it tried too hard to come up with stupid deadpan lines that would become quotes.  You know, like "not unless round is funny..." (Raising Arizona) which is completely quotable versus "I know all the twitters" which could be but isn't (Logan Lucky).

Movie was supposed to be hilarious.  It was just idiots making dumb comments.

[The Six]

Logan Lucky

Take Raising Arizona, add in NASCAR references, make it not funny, then add in a girl who looks pretty hot in trashy white boots.  Theres's your movie.

It wasn't terrible but it tried too hard to come up with stupid deadpan lines that would become quotes.  You know, like "not unless round is funny..." (Raising Arizona) which is completely quotable versus "I know all the twitters" which could be but isn't (Logan Lucky).

Movie was supposed to be hilarious.  It was just idiots making dumb comments.

Disagree. This was a "redneck Ocean's 11" movie and I loved it. 

[CCTAU]

"I can only imagine". See it. Good movie. Take the wife. Earn many points.

[GH2001]

"I can only imagine". See it. Good movie. Take the wife. Earn many points.

It hit home with me a little too close. The part with him and his dad anyway. But glad it had a happy ending. Cool that it was a true story.