Kaos' way behind movie reviews

[wesfau2]

I really think if they had made this trilogy 100 years in the future from the end of Jedi, I'd like it a lot more.  I just can't get over that when I watch the end of Return, I see the heroes at the end, and I know that one will be a shitty father, and leave his kid, one will be a shitty instructor, and run and be a hermit on some island, and the other will be so shitty at her job, that the organization she devoted her life to fighting comes back bigger and badder.

Those damned strokes again.  I think they've done a pretty masterful job of tying the old and new together.  It brought in the old fans and is creating a new generation of Star Wars geeks.

[AUJarhead]

Those damned strokes again.  I think they've done a pretty masterful job of tying the old and new together.  It brought in the old fans and is creating a new generation of Star Wars geeks.

Yep. At least we can agree on Fuck Bama and UGA.

[wesfau2]

Yep. At least we can agree on Fuck Bama and UGA.

Indeed, sir.

[GH2001]

The Arrival

Words can't express how right Wes is about this movie. Jesus Christ, I'd rather spend the 2 hours hitting refresh on the sga board than watch this piece of shoot again.

Just saw this.

Thought the first 80 mins or so was good. It was rolling along in a nice linear fashion. Then it just goes off the rails with the past, the present and the future, with the random and complicated flashbacks and premonitions and that being the basis for the whole purpose of the aliens visit. It just got weird.

[wesfau2]

A few more thoughts on TLJ:

SPOILERS:

I'm glad we got the question of Rey's parentage resolved.  I like the "reveal," as it shows the Universe to be a bit more egalitarian than previously portrayed.  You don't have to be born of the Skywalker lineage to get the biggest, baddest Jedi balls around.

I have turned a 180 on Kylo Ren.  I thought he was a bit too tortured and overwrought in TFA, but I think he nailed the conflict this go 'round.  I was, by turns, convinced that he'd turn away from the Dark Side and that he'd murder-kill everyone in arm's reach.

I really loved the casino scene for all the extra dimension it added to the Star Wars universe.  Heretofore, these movies have featured a binary struggle: you're either with the Empire or the Rebellion.  There was a brief interlude where Lando introduced us to the possibility that business might motivate an actor more than ideology, but his selling out was necessitated by his running afoul of the Empire with his business affiliations.  He was forced to pick a side.

The casino folk are different because they are the working elite; the apolitical profiteers of war.  Benicio Del Toro's character reminds us that there are those who don't give a shit which way the war goes, as long as the money train keeps rolling.  The arms dealers sell to both sides and Benicio steals from both sides...it's a big step back from the close-up light saber battles and interstellar dog fights to remind us that politics are personal and as long as these rich fuckers can vomit on their slot machines in peace they don't give a shit about either Empire or Rebellion.

The Porgs didn't put me in a diabetic coma as I'd feared.  I enjoyed their contribution to the movie, mostly.  The ice foxes were also a fun addition.

[chinook]

The Last Jedi...sucked monkey balls.

Tie in with the new and old ...pfft.  Clunky, no compassion or animosity.  Tofu Yoda’s cameo was not like any other appearance...no cheering or ohs and ahs from the audience.

This movie continues Hollywood’s fear of heroic masculinity. 

Honestly, this is a franchise that should have never gone beyond the original trilogy. 

[Kaos]

Blood Widow

Filmed on somebody's iPhone I think.  I've seen better acting in a sixth-grade performance of Harvey.  Tried to be different with an unexpected ending. Failed because nobody cared. 

I don't mind low budget films.  I don't think it's unreasonable regardless of budget to have some continuity. 

For example:

1) Girl has fresh blood all over her legs and crawls through sand.  None of it sticks to the blood.
2) Girl is dragged from the room by her hair. Barefoot, kicking and screaming. A few minutes later she kicks out a grate.  And has shoes on.
3) Girl is tied up -- hands in front -- and manages to escape. At no point does she bother to remove her gag.
4) Guys are talking about what to do next in the face of a possible massacre.  During the discussion, it is light outside. They go on the porch and it's pitch black. Then they cross the street and it's noon-time bright again. 

A mug full of dumb in this one. 

[GH2001]

Blood Widow

Filmed on somebody's iPhone I think.  I've seen better acting in a sixth-grade performance of Harvey.  Tried to be different with an unexpected ending. Failed because nobody cared. 

I don't mind low budget films.  I don't think it's unreasonable regardless of budget to have some continuity. 

For example:

1) Girl has fresh blood all over her legs and crawls through sand.  None of it sticks to the blood.
2) Girl is dragged from the room by her hair. Barefoot, kicking and screaming. A few minutes later she kicks out a grate.  And has shoes on.
3) Girl is tied up -- hands in front -- and manages to escape. At no point does she bother to remove her gag.
4) Guys are talking about what to do next in the face of a possible massacre.  During the discussion, it is light outside. They go on the porch and it's pitch black. Then they cross the street and it's noon-time bright again. 

A mug full of dumb in this one.

What's wrong with Harvey? He's awesome on family feud and a likeable guy.

[Kaos]

Little Evil
What if you found the woman of your dreams, but her child just might be the anti-christ? 

That's the premise of this fair little movie from Netflix.  Stars Adam Scott, Evangeline Lily,  Clancy Brown, a dude from Scrubs and a few other B-level comedy guys. 

It's not great, but it is an amusing little movie.  The water park and ice cream store scenes are pretty well done.

It's worth a watch when you're bored.

Another Evil
Nothing like Little Evil.

Guy has ghosts.  Hires goofy and possibly unhinged ghost hunter to remove the spirits.  Alleged hilarity ensues.  There are a couple of good scenes, but they're wasted in meandering unspooled plot threads and a stupid ending that brought nothing to the film. 

The problem here is that it builds and builds and builds (sort of)... no... actually it drags and shuffles and stumbles toward some hopeful big reveal, twist or something.  But nothing ever really happens.  It's awkward. It's occasionally uncomfortable. But that's about it.

The demon hunter guy had a completely unremarkable turn as Nate on The Office back in the final season. You'll recognize his face from other stuff.  He tries here, but the material is just so shoddy he can't do anything much with it.   

[Kaos]

American Assassin

I had such high hopes for this movie.  I really like the late Vince Flynn's series of novels about Mitch Rapp.  They're not epic prose, but considering Flynn's background they're pretty good. Usually well structured, a decent story that's easy enough to follow.  Yeah, some of the situations from which Rapp escapes are ridiculous and sometimes there's a dearth of character development and occasionally the coincidences are just too much, but still Rapp makes for a fairly compelling character and one I've enjoyed reading about.

The film American Assassin takes the Rapp origin story (which was pieced together from a number of the books until the novel AA itself was finally written by Flynn in about 2010 -- and was actually the eleventh book in the series) and tries to bring it to life on the screen. 

Oh, how they ruined this.  The casting was abysmal and the film could not overcome it. They also altered the origin story enough to destroy that.  And finally, Taylor Kitsch proves once again that if he's in a movie it's going to suck dirty balls.  The guy is a destroyer of worlds.  He's the worst.

Let's deal with the casting. 

Mitch Rapp is supposed to be the ultimate badass.  An All American athlete in like lacrosse or something. He's big, strong as an ox and super intelligent.

Dylan O'Brien is an emo worm.  He did not have the physical or charismatic weight to carry the part in any way, shape or form.  Casting him was a total whiff and one of the poorest choices I can remember.

Rapp's training mentor Stan Hurley is a small, grizzled hard ass man. They cast Michael Keaton who tried really hard but just couldn't make it work.  Is there anybody out there who truly believes Keaton as a stone killer who can break a man with one hand? 

Rapp's biggest supporter in CIA where he does contract work is Irene Kennedy.  She's stylish, smart and intense.  They cast Sanaa Lathan.  Another horrible choice.  She delivered her lines with all the authenticity of Pee Wee Herman playing the Secretary of Defense.  She was just awful.  In no way believable.

And then there was Kitsch who has all the screen presence of a block of wood as the "big bad."  Worthless.

Throw in a muddled storyline full of plutonium mumbo jumbo, some ridiculous plot devices and a bunch of other wasted garbage and that's the movie you have. 

No thanks.  It was a disgrace to the books that spawned it.  Changing the basics of the incident that turned Rapp from a regular college student into a globe-roaming killing machine was a foolish decision and very badly managed.  Everything about the movie was just a major letdown. It dragged where it should have sped up the pace.  It rushed through things that should have been further examined.  It was just a bust in every conceivable manner.

If they're going to continue with the Rapp series I hope they completely recast it. 

Here's how it should go really:

Mitch Rapp: Maybe Miles Teller or Kit Harrington or Aaron Taylor Johnson
Stan Hurley:  Ed Harris
Irene Kennedy: Maybe Thandie Newton

Words cannot convey my profound sense of disappointment with this movie. 

[WiregrassTiger]

Don’t forget to call me about giving me the Auburn gear.

I wear petite but can have altered.

[wesfau2]

The Disaster Artist

I had no idea what this was about going in.  I think it's better that way in hindsight.  The movie is the (mostly true) tale of the making of the world's worst movie.  The film was adapted from a book authored by the co-star and best friend of the producer/star, Tommy Wiseau.

Going in, I thought it was a joke movie made by the Franco brothers (with assists from their Hollywood friends: Seth Rogen, Paul Scheer and his wife June, Judd Apatow and others).  Then Franco hits the screen with his ridiculous hair and accent and I am convinced that I'm watching at best a Hollywood inside joke or at worst a deliberate attempt to make a horrible movie a la Sandler's Jack and Jill.

Long story short: Wiseau is a curious figure about whom very little is known.  He makes friends with a guy from his acting class, Greg (the co-author of the book), and they move to Hollywood to pursue their shared dream of stardom.  Failing to catch a break, Greg wistfully wishes that they could just make their own movie.  Tommy ponies up the cash (estimated to run in excess of $6M) to produce a script he self-authors and casts himself and Greg as the leads.

The production is, naturally, a fiasco and the film premieres to a packed house who laugh riotously at Tommy's very serious production (the movie is about a love triangle and the betrayal of Tommy's character.)  The movie grossed $1800 during its two week run (Tommy paid to run the movie in one theater for two weeks to qualify for Academy consideration) and disappeared into the annals of film history.  Except that it has become a cult-classic with a rabid audience.  Tommy hosts midnight screenings, signs autographs and generally relishes the star-role he envisioned for himself even if his route there was more circuitous than he dreamed.

Ultimately, no one but Tommy (despite repeated attempts to suss out the truth) knows where he's from, how old he is or how he financed his movie.

Watch the split screen moments at the end when the current cast's performances are laid alongside the original footage.  During the Disaster Artist I was convinced that Franco was deliberately laying an acting egg...until I saw the original scenes with Tommy.

[The Six]

The Disaster Artist

I had no idea what this was about going in.

You need to go watch The Room and report back. Shame you haven't exposed yourself to that.

[wesfau2]

You need to go watch The Room and report back. Shame you haven't exposed yourself to that.

It's on the list.  Though, to be honest, after seeing the actual "You're tearing me apart, Lisa!" scene, I'm not in a giant rush to track this down.

[WiregrassTiger]

You need to go watch The Room and report back. Shame you haven't exposed yourself to that.

As far as we know, he only exposes himself to men that are over 18.

We don’t always agree but he’s no pedo. I don’t think. Well, I’m not sure at all but he’s probably not.

[The Six]

It's on the list.  Though, to be honest, after seeing the actual "You're tearing me apart, Lisa!" scene, I'm not in a giant rush to track this down.

If you want to see something beyond explanation, look up a flick called After Last Season. Budget: $5 million. Box Office: $24 dollars as best I can find. It's amazingly bad.

[Godfather]

It's on the list.  Though, to be honest, after seeing the actual "You're tearing me apart, Lisa!" scene, I'm not in a giant rush to track this down.

Can't believe you have never heard about The Room. Color me disappoint. 

It's is like watching a bad accident, you can't look away.

Honestly, when I first saw it, I thought it was John Travolta in makeup and a wig.

Best Scene Evah!

[Godfather]

[Snaggletiger]

Okay, now I have to see The Room.

[Kaos]

Why Him

I only watched the last half of this.  My problem with the film is that it never really put a foot firmly on either side of the fence. 

Was it a good-hearted film about the trials and tribulations of parents coming to terms with their daughter's inevitable maturation, need to make her own choices and the unenviable task of a father to "swallow the whistle" and learn to respect her decisions?  It wanted to be, but it was too profane and far too often went for the cheap gag.

Was it a rowdy multi-generational romp through the tortured relationships that define a family -- whether it be a work family or the one you create with your wife and kids?  Nope.  Just didn't stretch the edges enough to make the cut there. 

This lack of commitment shackled the movie into a middle ground of muddled nothingness. In doing so it also whiffed at finding an audience. 

You add that to the horrible casting of James Franco -- why in the hell does this worthless hack have a career -- and you have a movie that stumbles on and off the screen leaving little for which to remember it. 

The only redeeming feature of this film is the numerous references to KISS.