Kaos' way behind movie reviews

[GH2001]

I celebrate his entire catalog

Why should I change? He's the one that sucks.

[Kaos]

Incarnate
Still in search of the next great horror movie. This effort from Jason Blum isn't it and isn't in the same hemisphere as even good horror. It's a load of slung together nonsensical crap.  Beginning to hate Blum House for churning out turd after turd.

This one features an over-acting Aaron Eckhart and the Red Woman from Game of Thrones who is given little more to do than sit on a couch and make faces. 

Idiotic plot.  Aaron has some gift that allows him to enter the mind of the possessed and get demons to jump out of windows or something.  There are triple doses of dumb in this one. 

Case in point.  Little demon boy kills his father by levitating him to the ceiling and dropping him eight feet (the fact that Aaron falls several stories and lands on the concrete without dying later in the film is a laughable contrast, but I'm straying from the point).   The next scene is an ambulance crew carrying dear old dead daddy out in a body bag.  But no cops show up, the characters move right along as if nothing happened, there's no investigation, no arrest, no questions to the family, no questions for this group of people with all kinds of weird medical/monitoring equipment that tag along with Aaron.  They just roll dad out and roll right along.  Stewpid. 

Terrible movie.  All associated with it should be ashamed. I could do better.

[wesfau2]

Rogue One

Really fugging good.  Not as light-hearted as TFA, but with at least as many (if not more) nods to the original trilogy.

It starts a bit slow and you're bounced around the galaxy a few times to get the initial players on the board...but once it starts rolling the action seldom lets up and the final 20 minutes or so makes you forget that you were tapping your toe earlier.

The aesthetic of SW and ESB is captured nearly perfectly in the interior shots of the Imperial installations so kudos to the set designers or whoever does that. 

Given the faces that show up on screen, it's really tough to see this as some tangential side-story (as I understand the movies released on years between SW movies to be) and I felt like it was the perfect setup to Ep IV.  It wasn't necessary to an understanding of SW...but if you knew that story, you'd want to know how Leia got the info she loaded onto R2.

I'll probably see it at least once more in the theater.  It's not really worth the extra $$ for 3D.  See it in IMAX or standard.

[Snaggletiger]

Rogue One

Really fugging good.  Not as light-hearted as TFA, but with at least as many (if not more) nods to the original trilogy.

It starts a bit slow and you're bounced around the galaxy a few times to get the initial players on the board...but once it starts rolling the action seldom lets up and the final 20 minutes or so makes you forget that you were tapping your toe earlier.

The aesthetic of SW and ESB is captured nearly perfectly in the interior shots of the Imperial installations so kudos to the set designers or whoever does that. 

Given the faces that show up on screen, it's really tough to see this as some tangential side-story (as I understand the movies released on years between SW movies to be) and I felt like it was the perfect setup to Ep IV.  It wasn't necessary to an understanding of SW...but if you knew that story, you'd want to know how Leia got the info she loaded onto R2.

I'll probably see it at least once more in the theater.  It's not really worth the extra $$ for 3D.  See it in IMAX or standard.

Heard a review on this today and it was spot on to yours.  He said, slow for the first hour while you get acclimated to the characters and their stories, but then the action picks up and rolls on til the end.  He said quite funny in places but a much darker tone overall.  I will see it next week with mini fo sho.

[Snaggletiger]

Just got back from Rogue.

Solid SW action.  Not much more to say about it other than too long.  Would not take the time to watch it again, theater, rental or otherwise.  Not saying it was bad by any means.  Just zero wow factor.  Maybe just burned out on 40 years of Star Wars.  Seemed like I was watching the same story I've watched for that long, with a good bit darker ending.

I think possibly the two main characters just didn't pull me in at all.  Felicity Jones was about as bland as any lead role I've seen since...well...Jennifer Lawrence in Mockingjay. (Fucking horrible BTW)  Donnie Yen and Wen Jiang easily turned in the best performances.  Both characters were hilarious and made you really pull for them.

Decent.  A ton of SW action.  Just nothing to make me want to come back.   

[Saniflush]

Just got back from Rogue.

Solid SW action.  Not much more to say about it other than too long.  Would not take the time to watch it again, theater, rental or otherwise.  Not saying it was bad by any means.  Just zero wow factor.  Maybe just burned out on 40 years of Star Wars.  Seemed like I was watching the same story I've watched for that long, with a good bit darker ending.

I think possibly the two main characters just didn't pull me in at all.  Felicity Jones was about as bland as any lead role I've seen since...well...Jennifer Lawrence in Mockingjay. (Fucking horrible BTW)  Donnie Yen and Wen Jiang easily turned in the best performances.  Both characters were hilarious and made you really pull for them.

Decent.  A ton of SW action.  Just nothing to make me want to come back.

For once I agree with our esteemed wiregrass caring barrister.  It was good but I walked out not understanding why everyone was jazzing in their pants over it?

[Snaggletiger]

For once I agree with our esteemed wiregrass caring barrister.  It was good but I walked out not understanding why everyone was jazzing in their pants over it?

You wound me.

[Saniflush]

You wound me.

Don't want you getting the big head

[Godfather]

Don't want you getting the big head

What about that time you found him naked eating a bowl full of Jello?

[Saniflush]

What about that time you found him naked eating a bowl full of Jello?

That was different.  He was hot and he was hungry.

[Kaos]

Human Centipede 3
Watched the first one out of sick curiosity.  It was freakishly terrible. Watched the second one wondering how they could make it work.  It was horrible and senseless.

The third?  Well you're already that invested, might as well go the whole yard.

What an awful load of crap.

The film brings back Dieter Laser from the original and casts him as a demented prison boss.  It brings back the mole-looking screen-watching schlub from the second and casts him as the prison accountant.  It adds porn star Bree Olson as a slutty secretary, Tiny Lister as a prisoner and Eric Roberts as the governor.

Laser is by far the worst actor I have ever seen.  Every line is bellowed as if it is painful for him to speak. He grimaces, contorts, strains and snarls. Most of what he says is barely understandable.  Schlub affects a come and go piss poor attempt at a southern accent.  Eric Roberts is, by far, the best actor on the screen.  Olson is a close second and that speaks volumes. 

The basic story is that the prison boss and accountant watch the first two movies and decide to create a human centipede out of the prison population as a measure to control the inmates and save money.

It is without a doubt one of the worst films I've ever seen.  It was bad porn level without any payoff. 

[GH2001]

Human Centipede 3
Watched the first one out of sick curiosity.  It was freakishly terrible. Watched the second one wondering how they could make it work.  It was horrible and senseless.

The third?  Well you're already that invested, might as well go the whole yard.

What an awful load of crap.

The film brings back Dieter Laser from the original and casts him as a demented prison boss.  It brings back the mole-looking screen-watching schlub from the second and casts him as the prison accountant.  It adds porn star Bree Olson as a slutty secretary, Tiny Lister as a prisoner and Eric Roberts as the governor.

Laser is by far the worst actor I have ever seen.  Every line is bellowed as if it is painful for him to speak. He grimaces, contorts, strains and snarls. Most of what he says is barely understandable.  Schlub affects a come and go piss poor attempt at a southern accent.  Eric Roberts is, by far, the best actor on the screen.  Olson is a close second and that speaks volumes. 

The basic story is that the prison boss and accountant watch the first two movies and decide to create a human centipede out of the prison population as a measure to control the inmates and save money.

It is without a doubt one of the worst films I've ever seen.  It was bad porn level without any payoff.

But it sounds like a great idea for the prison population issue.

[Kaos]

Deepwater Horizon

Pretty solid and standard Mark Wahlberg movie.  If I'm ever in need of rescue it's Mark I want talking me down. 

Don't know if it was all true and BP was as carelessly greed driven as portrayed. But it was worth the watch to see it.

Good special effects.  Decent acting.  Enjoyed it.

[Kaos]

School for Peculiar Children

From the vision of Tim Burton comes...

A bit confusing what the fuck? 

Beautifully shot.  No idea what happened in this long movie. Not worth the time.

[CCTAU]

Just got back from Rogue.

Solid SW action.  Not much more to say about it other than too long.  Would not take the time to watch it again, theater, rental or otherwise.  Not saying it was bad by any means.  Just zero wow factor.  Maybe just burned out on 40 years of Star Wars.  Seemed like I was watching the same story I've watched for that long, with a good bit darker ending.

I think possibly the two main characters just didn't pull me in at all.  Felicity Jones was about as bland as any lead role I've seen since...well...Jennifer Lawrence in Mockingjay. (Fucking horrible BTW)  Donnie Yen and Wen Jiang easily turned in the best performances.  Both characters were hilarious and made you really pull for them.

Decent.  A ton of SW action.  Just nothing to make me want to come back.

I think you totally whiffed on this. The main characters were supposed to be blah. There was no reason to invest in them since they would all die. This was a movie that filled in the gap as to how the rebels got the plans to the death Star. In the original, all we were told is that a lot of good people died getting the information.


I totally enjoyed a SW movie that I had no expectations from.

[Snaggletiger]

I think you totally whiffed on this. The main characters were supposed to be blah. There was no reason to invest in them since they would all die. This was a movie that filled in the gap as to how the rebels got the plans to the death Star. In the original, all we were told is that a lot of good people died getting the information.


I totally enjoyed a SW movie that I had no expectations from.

So the question becomes, why the hell would I want to spend that much cabbage on a movie where they intentionally made the characters blah and mundane?  Guess they got me.

[wesfau2]

Been on a movie binge lately:

Criminal- Ryan Reynolds' memories "transferred" to mentally malformed psychopath Kevin Costner.  Strong performance by Costner saves a rather pedestrian movie.  Entertaining, if predictable.  Flowers for Algernon meets Face-Off, sort of.

Office Christmas Party- Looked predictable, but I really like most of the cast so I gave it a whirl.  Fucking sucked.  Not even a chuckle.  Pretty disappointed in this one.

Sisters - Love Poehler and Fey, so this was a no-brainer.  Funny stuff, but nothing groundbreaking.  Trying to make Ike Barinholtz into a sex-symbol was weird.

Magnificent Seven - Solid performances by all except D'Onofrio (what was the fucking falsetto about?).  Nothing new in the story, really.  Meh.

Bad Santa 2 - I love the original but this is not up to snuff.  Tired jokes and, apart from Herman Merman's bizarrely consistent appearance, nothing remarkable about it.

[GH2001]

Been on a movie binge lately:

Criminal- Ryan Reynolds' memories "transferred" to mentally malformed psychopath Kevin Costner.  Strong performance by Costner saves a rather pedestrian movie.  Entertaining, if predictable.  Flowers for Algernon meets Face-Off, sort of.

Office Christmas Party- Looked predictable, but I really like most of the cast so I gave it a whirl.  Fucking sucked.  Not even a chuckle.  Pretty disappointed in this one.

Sisters - Love Poehler and Fey, so this was a no-brainer.  Funny stuff, but nothing groundbreaking.  Trying to make Ike Barinholtz into a sex-symbol was weird.

Magnificent Seven - Solid performances by all except D'Onofrio (what was the fucking falsetto about?).  Nothing new in the story, really.  Meh.

Bad Santa 2 - I love the original but this is not up to snuff.  Tired jokes and, apart from Herman Merman's bizarrely consistent appearance, nothing remarkable about it.

Ha.

You've seen some of the same ones I have over the holidays. Spot on with office party - sucked donkey bollocks.

And tina fey? 8 days a week. Something about her. Boing.

[CCTAU]

So the question becomes, why the hell would I want to spend that much cabbage on a movie where they intentionally made the characters blah and mundane?  Guess they got me.

For the story, man!

[CCTAU]

Ha.

You've seen some of the same ones I have over the holidays. Spot on with office party - sucked donkey bollocks.

And tina fey? 8 days a week. Something about her. Boing.

All those good hallmark Christmas movies and you guys waste your money on those!