Kaos' way behind movie reviews

Godfather · « **Reply #1280 on:** August 13, 2012, 09:41:53 AM »

Quote from: Kaos on August 12, 2012, 12:30:11 PM

Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol

Tom Cruise looks old and greasy.

Too much running and fist fighting. Definitely too much of Cruise running. There were what, five different scenes where he's running like hell and then punching somebody? Or not dying when cars collide head on at 100 mph?

Fucking ridiculous.

The old Mission Impossible series was cool and suave. They tricked people, bamboozled them and then smirked and laughed at the end. The MI series with Cruise in the lead exchanges subtlety an subterfuge for neanderthal punching and the "serious Cruise face."

Fuck that.

This just wasn't good. Most of the action sequences were asinine and unbelievable.

Don't like Cruise, didn't like this. Hope they don't make any more.

Don't like Cruise either, and I don't know why they continue to make him run, he looks like a retard...check that I shouldn't insult the Rae-tards.

I will say this, it was better then the last one.

Kaos · « **Reply #1281 on:** August 13, 2012, 12:37:11 PM »

Quote from: Godfather on August 13, 2012, 09:41:53 AM

Don't like Cruise either, and I don't know why they continue to make him run, he looks like a retard...check that I shouldn't insult the Rae-tards.

I will say this, it was better then the last one.

Agree.

But that's like saying "this dog turd tasted better with mustard."

Still a dog turd.

Kaos · « **Reply #1282 on:** August 14, 2012, 01:22:30 AM »

Real Steel

Take Rocky I. Mix in some Rocky 4. Swirl it around for a bit. Add a dash of Transformers. Let it marinate. Stir in a healthy dose of Over the Top.

Replace Stallone with Hugh Jackoff.

What you end up with is a completely unsatisfying meld of flavors that isn't nasty but doesn't bring much to the table. Every move seemed choreographed and/or stolen from another film, right down to the Rocky 1/4 mashup ending.

The movie had heart. The heart it flagrantly ripped from the chest of a series of Stallone movies.

I give if an overall P for Plagarism.

Godfather · « **Reply #1283 on:** August 14, 2012, 11:57:39 AM »

Quote from: Kaos on August 14, 2012, 01:22:30 AM

Real Steel

Take Rocky I. Mix in some Rocky 4. Swirl it around for a bit. Add a dash of Transformers. Let it marinate. Stir in a healthy dose of Over the Top.

Replace Stallone with Hugh Jackoff.

What you end up with is a completely unsatisfying meld of flavors that isn't nasty but doesn't bring much to the table. Every move seemed choreographed and/or stolen from another film, right down to the Rocky 1/4 mashup ending.

The movie had heart. The heart it flagrantly ripped from the chest of a series of Stallone movies.

I give if an overall P for Plagarism.

You forgot Judge Dread.

I swear they used the same robot.

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #1284 on:** August 14, 2012, 12:11:00 PM »

It doesn't take much to make me laugh when it comes to comedy. The movies that don't even require you to bring your brain are normally the ones I like best. Yesterday I was off and flipping through channels and see a movie is just starting...Tomcats. Never heard of it but it's early and I'm bored. Jerry O'Connell, Jake Busey, Horatio Sanz and a few other Gawd-awful actors. I tried....I really did. But maybe 12 minutes in, I turned the channel. Holy crap, who makes something that incredibly shitty and unleashes it on an unsuspecting public? Somebody somewhere actually thought it was comedy. It's not!! It was shit.

Kaos · « **Reply #1285 on:** August 22, 2012, 09:32:08 AM »

Green Lantern

Shitty CGI.

Tim Robbins can suck a dinosaur cock. His politics make it hard for me to watch him in anything.

Seen 15 minutes of this movie. it's 14 too many.

Godfather · « **Reply #1286 on:** August 22, 2012, 09:36:55 AM »

Quote from: Kaos on August 22, 2012, 09:32:08 AM

Green Lantern

Shitty CGI.

Tim Robbins can suck a dinosaur cock. His politics make it hard for me to watch him in anything.

Seen 15 minutes of this movie. it's 14 too many.

This movie was horrible

GH2001 · « **Reply #1287 on:** August 22, 2012, 09:40:00 AM »

Quote from: Kaos on August 11, 2012, 10:46:00 AM

Safe House

Denzel playing bad cool. Ryan Reynolds playing doe-eyed do-gooder. Horse-face Farmiga playing a phone answering spy boss (she sucks).

Not really okay with a movie that portrays a traitor to the country as the good guy and buries the evil CIA as the ultimate baddie.

Just never got completely off the ground. Wasn't a bad movie but just never soared like it could have with the cast it had in place.

Speaking of Denzel, did you ever see a movie he did back in 1999 called "Fallen"?

Kaos · « **Reply #1288 on:** August 22, 2012, 01:02:23 PM »

Saw Fallen. Don't remember much about it.

The Art of Getting By

Teen angst movie I'd never heard of. Not played for laughs, but played for sappy emotional drama.

Does have Emma Roberts who looks pretty good. And some chick I'd never heard of named Elizabeth Reaser as a horny mom who also looked pretty good. And it had Alicia Silverstone who somehow managed to look like a pasty haint.

Predictable all the way through, stolen from every other overwrought Lifetime teen movie ever. Nerds don't get the girl. That's not the way it works.

This movie was probably meant for Jesse Eisenberg and Ellen Page or Jennifer Lawrence but since they couldn't get them and also couldn't get Jay Baruchel, Michael Cera, Emma Stone, Emma Watson, Dakota Fanniing or Abby Breslin, they ended up with Emma Roberts (who really didn't look or act that badly) and this other nerdy douche with no chin and no life who crawled out of the chocolate factory.

Movie was savaged by critics and for good reason.

Not sure why I watched this other than it was on and I was working.

GH2001 · « **Reply #1289 on:** August 22, 2012, 01:06:05 PM »

Quote from: Kaos on August 22, 2012, 01:02:23 PM

Saw Fallen. Don't remember much about it.

Caught it on Netflix this past weekend.

He plays a detective who is chasing a criminal who is a moving target - as in, a demon who keeps possessing people and committing crimes. Has a pretty good twist at the end with Sympathy For the Devil as the closing song. I thought it was pretty decent but Rotten Tomatoes didnt.

Godfather · « **Reply #1290 on:** August 22, 2012, 01:16:26 PM »

Quote from: GH2001 on August 22, 2012, 01:06:05 PM

Caught it on Netflix this past weekend.

He plays a detective who is chasing a criminal who is a moving target - as in, a demon who keeps possessing people and committing crimes. Has a pretty good twist at the end with Sympathy For the Devil as the closing song. I thought it was pretty decent but Rotten Tomatoes didnt.

Kaos hates tomato ratings.

GH2001 · « **Reply #1291 on:** August 22, 2012, 01:21:10 PM »

Quote from: Godfather on August 22, 2012, 01:16:26 PM

Kaos hates tomato ratings.

Although I have seen him reference them when needed.

Kaos · « **Reply #1292 on:** August 22, 2012, 01:35:33 PM »

Quote from: GH2001 on August 22, 2012, 01:06:05 PM

Caught it on Netflix this past weekend.

He plays a detective who is chasing a criminal who is a moving target - as in, a demon who keeps possessing people and committing crimes. Has a pretty good twist at the end with Sympathy For the Devil as the closing song. I thought it was pretty decent but Rotten Tomatoes didnt.

If the devil thing is Lithgow, no I didn't like that movie.

AUJarhead · « **Reply #1293 on:** August 22, 2012, 02:22:58 PM »

Quote from: Godfather on August 22, 2012, 09:36:55 AM

This movie was horrible

Yep, and it pisses me off that because of how shitty DC makes their movies (Recent Batman is the exception), we will never get a good Justice League movie.

GH2001 · « **Reply #1294 on:** August 22, 2012, 02:41:28 PM »

Quote from: Kaos on August 22, 2012, 01:35:33 PM

If the devil thing is Lithgow, no I didn't like that movie.

That sounds like Dexter.

Shug Dye · « **Reply #1295 on:** August 22, 2012, 02:58:55 PM »

I just saw The Bourne Legacy.

I thought it was pretty good. Not as slick as the ones that have Damon in them, a little more raw. It took me a little while to understand the timeline, but there were no slow parts and the action was pretty much non-stop.

It was fun. And worth my seven bucks since I haven't seen anything since Magic Mike.

Kaos · « **Reply #1296 on:** August 22, 2012, 07:56:16 PM »

That Logan's Run Movie with Justin Timberlake

Too long.

Already seen it when it was called Logan's Run and had Farrah in it. Was cooler then. Farrah was the tits.

Justin isn't much of an actor. He's better in comedic roles where he makes fun of himself.

Amanda Seyfried is nice to look at. So is Olivia Wilde.

Movie is half again too long. Just didn't do much for me. I kept leaving the room and coming back, surprised it was still on.

Kaos · « **Reply #1297 on:** August 23, 2012, 01:13:03 AM »

Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy

Snoozer, Sleeper, Bored, And Die

Good lord what a dose of ambien. Told a pretty good story but told it as if a turtle was doing the telling. A slow turtle. The twists and turns of the story were shrouded in such mind numbing boredom I could give a shit who was spying on whom.

The vast majority of the movie consisted of Commissioner Gordon looking through his glasses with an owly smirk or the same Commissioner Gordon walking so slowly he looked like he was rehabbing a double hip replacement.

Seemed like there were a lot of closeted homos in there too. I took from the Iron Eyes Cody scene near the end that Colin Firth was a raging homo. And big red was apparently a fudge packer as well.

I expected to like the movie because I assumed it would be an intelligent, well spun tale of espionage that rose a level or two above Die Hard. I don't mind movies that make me think. Wish this had been one.

It seems as if in getting to that supposed higher level every drop of fun, color, excitement and suspense was leached out of it.

I've watched ants fuck and been more entertained.

War Eagle!!! · « **Reply #1298 on:** August 23, 2012, 08:03:56 AM »

I watched Bernie with Jack Black on a plane yesterday. Pleasantly surprised. I found myself laughing several times at some of the one liners in the movie. Jack Black, who usually gets on my nerves, played the part really well. I would recommend for anyone that grew up in the south, or specifically a small town in the south.

Godfather · « **Reply #1299 on:** August 23, 2012, 08:47:31 AM »

Quote from: Kaos on August 23, 2012, 01:13:03 AM

Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy

Snoozer, Sleeper, Bored, And Die

Good lord what a dose of ambien. Told a pretty good story but told it as if a turtle was doing the telling. A slow turtle. The twists and turns of the story were shrouded in such mind numbing boredom I could give a shit who was spying on whom.

The vast majority of the movie consisted of Commissioner Gordon looking through his glasses with an owly smirk or the same Commissioner Gordon walking so slowly he looked like he was rehabbing a double hip replacement.

Seemed like there were a lot of closeted homos in there too. I took from the Iron Eyes Cody scene near the end that Colin Firth was a raging homo. And big red was apparently a fudge packer as well.

I expected to like the movie because I assumed it would be an intelligent, well spun tale of espionage that rose a level or two above Die Hard. I don't mind movies that make me think. Wish this had been one.

It seems as if in getting to that supposed higher level every drop of fun, color, excitement and suspense was leached out of it.

I've watched ants fuck and been more entertained.

I have yet to make it past 15 minutes of this movie. I have tried 3 times.