T-Shirt Hell Says Goodbye...

[AuburnChopper 3.0]

Fuck...  Figures..  I was just touting this shirt site the other day when Wench pulled a pic from it to slap me around a little...  Great site.. too bad it's done for.

After 8 Years, T-Shirt Hell Closes Its Doors Thanks to Hate Mail
By Alex Jarvis, 4:00 PM on Thu Jan 29 2009, 30,222 views
 The uber-offensive online T-shirt store, T-shirt Hell, will be closing its doors Tuesday, February 10th. However, unlike other companies that are dying due to economic stress, leader of TSH Sunshine Megatron offers a different explanation, inside.

I'm done. I'm finished. I can't take the stupidity anymore, so I'm leaving and I'm taking my website with me. As of Tuesday, Feb 10, 2009, T-Shirt Hell will be no more.

No, I'm not selling out to some douchebag corporate entity. No, we're not being sued by any of the over 40 companies that have sent us cease and desists over the years. No, I'm not going to jail (yet) and no, it's not because of the economy. Although, the recent dip in sales certainly does make the idea easier to accept, even though we still sell over 3000 shirts a week.

I started this company in June of 2001, nearly 8 years ago, with the intention of producing the best satirical, the most controversial, the funniest t-shirts on the internet. Generally speaking, I feel I've accomplished that and am satisfied with what we've put out. I made a shitload of dough along the way. I've done cocaine off the better body parts of supermodels. I've even raped and killed a mountain panda in the hills of Shaanxi. But these perks are besides the point.

I just don't feel like dealing with idiots anymore. I'll give you an example of the kind of misguided morons we deal with on a regular basis at T-Shirt Hell. We released a new shirt a couple weeks ago that says "It's not gay if you beat them up afterwards". I will not explain the irony or the social commentary of the slogan because anyone with half a brain should be able to handle that on their own. Problem is, we've been besieged with emails from angry people complaining about the "fact" that the shirt is hate speech or that we're promoting gay bashing and should take it down immediately.

Comments like:
"I can't even believe people buy this shit. Do you realize your supporting a hate crime? That makes you feel better about yourself? Wow you need a life. We're all human beings and you can't except it."
and
"It's Not Gay:If You Beat Them Up After"?? That is highly inappropriate and very very morally wrong. I will be advising everyone I know to avoid buying anything from your site until shirts like this are removed. In this world people are fighting for equality and a chance to be themselves without fear of being beat up because of who they are, yet here is an established website promoting hate and violence. You all should be ashamed of yourselves."

Now, I can't say I'm surprised we're getting hate mail from people who have nothing better to do than to start half-assed campaigns because of their lazy, just enough passion for an email, ideals towards a misguided cause. It happened when we did our first really controversial shirt, "The School Shootings Tour", it happened when we did our "What About All The Good Things Hitler Did" shirt, it happened when we did our "Arrest Black Babies Before They Become Criminals" shirt (boy did it happen then). It used to happen all the time when we did more social commentary and didn't give a fuck about what anyone thought and did shirts that did not leave anyone out. Unfortunately, as a concern for the safety of my employees, we don't push the envelope as much anymore...and I can't say I feel good about having caved in.

Anyway, rather than cater to the masses, I'm just going to stop making shirts. It's not enjoyable anymore and I have enough money to move on to something more rewarding. Maybe I'll start my own hooker farm or maybe I'll practice sleeping. Whatever I decide to do, it will be better than this.

Attention any venture capitalists or independent investors/business assholes who are about to inquire about purchasing T-Shirt Hell. Don't. You won't do the company justice and I won't take that chance. I'm putting it to sleep. It's over.

That's right, I'm crazy. I'm pulling the plug on a company I could have sold for millions. Why in the fucking world would I do something so stupid? Because I can. I don't care about money. This is the way I've always done things...my way.

So, to all the kickass motherfuckers who supported us and REALLY got what we were trying to do, thank you (no, not you, you racist idiots who thought we actually had racist intentions and no, not you, you dumb as a stump fucks who just think any shirt with the word "fuck" on it is as right as rain). Thanks to all the people who contributed to my vice fund and at the same time helped make a funny statement about the world today.

As a final farewell, I'm going to bring back some of the top selling Worse Than Hell shirts as a fuck you to those who forced me to remove them. To those who are offended by them and to those who think I'm racist, promoting rape, a nazi, homophobic or just the world's biggest asshole...well, at least you think I'm something, which means I've achieved what I wanted.

Thanks to Gary, Mika, Jacob, Greg, Bob, the black lady who writes our newsletter, and to everyone else who was part of T-Shirt Hell. Time to move on to even greater things. I'll miss you (by miss, I mean, it's going to suck not being able to give you my excellent reach arounds when you least expect them).

Fuck you,

-Sunshine Megatron

[War Eagle!!!]

That is by far the best "I quit" letter I have ever read! I wish I could do that!

[AUTiger1]

I got that e-mail.  Makes me sad, they have the best shirts.

[chinook]

Fuck...  Figures..  I was just touting this shirt site the other day when Wench pulled a pic from it to slap me around a little...  Great site.. too bad it's done for.

what are alternative sites on teh intrawebs?

[AUChizad]

Sad day indeed.

Taylor and I ran a shitty little corner of the intarwebz  back when we were freshmen in college that was mostly just a humorous blog about us getting drunk.

Me and that guy used to exchange e-mails. They linked us to their site, and we had a deal where if you bought one of their shirts through our site we'd get a kickback.

No one ever bought one through us though.

[El Guapo]

I almost cried.

[Kaos]

So basically you're telling me there's a void where someone who can come up with offensive sayings could step in and roll? 

Wheels are turning. 

[AUTailgatingRules]

You have to make fun of something other than Chizik and JJ

[Kaos]

You have to make fun of something other than Chizik and JJ

But that's a start, right?

I got means to do production and delivery. 

[AUTailgatingRules]

But that's a start, right?

I got means to do production and delivery. 

Where do we go to invest?  looking for a partner?

[Greaseyweasel]

You have to make fun of something other than Chizik and JJ

Yep, I agree BUT if we would go ahead and stockpile the FIRE CHEEZE DICK NOW!!! shirts we will be ready for the huge demand in late September, Early Oct.

[Jumbo]

Yep, I agree BUT if we would go ahead and stockpile the FIRE CHEEZE Fuck Weasel DICK in the Ass NOW!!! shirts we will be ready for the huge demand in late September, Early Oct.

Fixed it for you

[Greaseyweasel]

Fixed it for you

Geee jumbo i didn't know you swung that way. But Febuary is the time of the year for public declarations of love.
Sorry daddy don't swing that way.
But I beleve the FIRE CHEEZE DICK shirts will be huge sellers and we can donate the money to having a coaching search that finds us a coach.

[Kaos]

Where do we go to invest?  looking for a partner?

You do realize I'm three-quarters serious here, right? 

I got the means for delivery and production.  Building the site would be no problem and I got the hosting and design already handled. 

My daughter's got friends to do the modeling for the online ads... 

[wesfau2]

My daughter's got friends to do the modeling for the online ads... 

I want to be in charge of this.

[boartitz]

You're gonna need some deviant's to freelance some ideas, right. I'll do slogans cheep. Small % and a couple of Tees.
Really this is a niche market that may have promise.
Just use Cafe Press to do your stuff on the get go. Be a middleman until the gig makes its own profits. On the other hand, they may censor some of your stuff and that would defeat the purpose of going out on the ledge.
Just throwing out ideas.
If you have everything in place, fuck the middleman.
Someone here will come up with a hit. I have confidence.

[Kaos]

I want to be in charge of this.

You know what I'm thinking?

[Saniflush]

You know what I'm thinking?

That he's a chucklehead?

[wesfau2]

That he's a chucklehead?

I'm the chucklehead.  You're the one who gave up your rights and now you don't get no movie check either.