Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s

[Snaggletiger]

I'm gonna' write a book about all the things I should have done.

It will be my oughtabiography.

[Snakebite]

New research has made it difficult for scientists to trust atoms. They seem to make up everything.

[Snaggletiger]

I saw a typo on a headstone the other day.

It was a grave mistake.

[Snakebite]

My wife sent me to the grocery store to pick up a 6 pack of sprite. When I got home I realized I accidentally picked 7 Up.

[Kaos]

My girlfriend said she couldn’t attend the Innuendo Seminar next week.

She asked if I’d like to fill her slot instead.

[Snakebite]

What is the difference between a hormone and a vitamin?
You can't hear a vitamin.

[Snaggletiger]

I told myself I need to stop drinking.

But, I'm not going to listen to some drunk who talks to himself.

[Kaos]

Donate a kidney and everybody says you’re a hero. 

Bring in five and some asshole calls the police.

[Snakebite]

A MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative."
A voice from the back of the room said, "Yeah, right."

[CCTAU]

I told myself I need to stop drinking.

But, I'm not going to listen to some drunk who talks to himself.

https://youtu.be/jqkNGbd3V1E?si=kf9AAF89PVjtD7zF

[War Damn Six]

https://youtu.be/jqkNGbd3V1E?si=kf9AAF89PVjtD7zF

So he’s not original.  At least he’s not reporting people dying when they don’t.

[CCTAU]

So he’s not original.  At least he’s not reporting people dying when they don’t.

Go soak your lady parts. It'll relax you before the game today.

[War Damn Six]

Go soak your lady parts. It'll relax you before the game today.

Me?

I am not the one wrong all the time. I’m good, bro.  Want to meet at the Prattville Sonic?   

[War Damn Six]

Go soak your lady parts. It'll relax you before the game today.

You assume your juvenile jabs affect me.  They do not. 

How’s this…

You’re a prick.  That doesn’t mention anything about how you post stuff on here that is inaccurate and asinine.  More on your level? 

[CCTAU]

You assume your juvenile jabs affect me.  They do not. 

How’s this…

You’re a prick.  That doesn’t mention anything about how you post stuff on here that is inaccurate and asinine.  More on your level?

Soak it good. You got a lot of sand in there.

[War Damn Six]

Soak it good. You got a lot of sand in there.

Again, nothing of substance. 

You’re laughable.  I understand why your woman doesn’t sleep (or fuck) you. No one likes a joke when it’s on them.

How about meeting at the Steak and Shake?  I like a good burger.

[War Damn Six]

CCTAU

Hahahahahhahahahabhabahabbababa

[CCTAU]

CCTAU

Hahahahahhahahahabhabahabbababa

Go smoke a bowl. You sound unhinged when you get like this.

[War Damn Six]

Go smoke a bowl. You sound unhinged when you get like this.

I am hinged, you fat fuck.

[WiregrassTiger]

Can’t we all just get along?