I'm not going to disagree with Six necessarily. I thought Hugh Freeze was ass prior to his hiring, at the time of his hiring, and nothing has given me any reason to change that viewpoint. His staff is complete ass, in my opinion. LSU's defense is atrocious which should have given this anemic offense a chance to keep things kind of close. Negative. No identity, no gameplan. Keystone cops. More high-school level ineffectiveness. It's Gus lite gaslight. Get used to it.
But that's not what this now-weekly rant it about. That's just a given. It's what we get and will continue to get. This post is dedicated to other assiness - and the hope that somebody will contribute a pic of some sweet ass later on.
Things that are ass coast to coast...
1. Dan Lanning's analytics. Oregon should be unbeaten today. Instead they allowed Michael Penix (is that like 10 penii?) and the Washington Huskies to eke out a win with a series of really moronic fourth down decisions. Trailing 22-18, fourth and goal at the three, last play of the first half. Field goal? No. Poorly designed play call. No points. Down 29-18 in the third, fourth and three at the Washington 8. Field goal to make it a one possession game? No. Garbage play call. No points. Up 33-29 with about 2:00 left in the game, fourth and three at midfield. Punt and pin Washington deep? Nope. Low-percentage play call. Washington gets the ball. Oregon loses. Granted on all three fourth down calls, Bo Nix ran to the sidelines and put on his Auburn Bo uniform and looked like a chump, but those three idiotic calls likely cost Lanning a chance to make the playoffs and cost his ninth-year senior a seat at the Heisman ceremony.
2. Analytics in general. Lane Kiffin lives and mostly dies by them. Lanning died by them yesterday. A few weeks ago, The ass beaver in Auburn eschewed a chip shot field goal and a halftime lead over Georgia because... analytics. I get playing the odds, but a head coach has to have enough situational awareness to know when it's time to overrule the data. Otherwise what are they doing there at all? Just let IBM Watson take over and run the game.
3. Texas A&M. Just call them Texas 8&4. They are what they always are.
4. KJ Jefferson. I've heard Arkansas fans for years tell me Jefferson is essentially a duplicate of Cam Newton. Ok. They weigh about the same. And that's where the comparisons end. Jefferson is slow. He has no head for the game. Awful QB.
5. Jalen Millroe. The game announcers blowing him aside, Millroe is a really crappy, streaky QB. His entire repertoire consists of flinging up wobbly deep balls to receivers that are somehow inexplicably running with no defender within 15 yards of them. That's the one thing I can't figure out. How do these Bama pass catchers get so completely alone? Millroe? He's relatively immobile and takes ridiculous sacks. It's not like he's reading the field or making difficult throws, he's just flinging it up to the one guy he sees with no defender in sight. Any throw he has to make where the receiver is covered ... and by covered, I mean there's a defender in the same zip code ... Millroe overthrows, underthrows, bounces it, or throws it so hard it shatters hands. He's absolute trash and yet somehow, bama hasn't been punished for that yet.
6. USC. The Trojans are ass. Getting destroyed by Notre Dame says a lot about the team ... and it might speak volumes to the overhyped and overvalued Pac-12. I'm not convinced the west coast teams deserve all the accolades. Once they get outside their bubble, I still contend they'll get dominated in the post-season. All of them. USC just sent up the warning flares.
7. Deion Sanders. Yeah, Deion is ass. His team was up 29-0 at the half. And lost. Funny, I watched the gameday broadcast (or some of it at least) and the crew that had his balls resting on their chins for weeks were suddenly silent on Deion and the Buffa-Lows. Almost no mention of him, his team, or its collapse. Like Hugh Freeze, Deion is now unlikely to lead his team to a bowl game. What makes Deion ass is his reaction to the loss. I heard his post-game yesterday afternoon. Did he blame himself? No, he threw the entire team under the bus. "They have to be more like him. They have to love the game as much as he does. They have to have the same passion he does. They have to care as much as he does. They have to work as hard as he does." And so on, so on, so on. His messianic 'until you are as good as me' schtick is going to wear out quickly.
8. Oregon's uniforms. I kinda hate the revolving uniform door anyway, but yesterday's dirt-splattered look was the worst of the worst. I didn't hate Maxwell's Silver Helmet, necessarily, but the jerseys and pants looked like they'd been left in the washing machine for a couple of months and gotten moldy.
9. The Marvels. I saw a million commercials for this movie over the weekend. I think Marvel overkill and superhero fatigue has set deeply in. Love Iron Man, Avengers, Thor Rockincock. Just no interest in this at all. Maybe it's the whole fempower angle. Or maybe the MCU has run its course. I've heard reviews are harsh and ticket sales are low. Another flop in what's becoming a long string of underperforming, underwhelming superhero entries. I won't watch this until it's free and maybe not even then.
10. Kentucky. Kentucky is ass. Never expected to have the Mildcats on this list, but here they are. Humiliated by Georgia. Stoops gets salty about not having enough NIL money to compete. Then the 'Cats go and lose to a Missouri team that has a grand total of $9 in NIL money which it uses to fund a social justice website. Perhaps the assiest eight days in CFB history.
Honorable Mention:
> Hannah Storm's meat-bag knees are back out on the NFL show this morning. She shouldn't be standing up on set wearing a mid-thigh skirt. She's still attractive for a 98-year old and I used to like her a lot, but these knees are making me queasy.
> South Carolina. Ass. Beamer and Kentucky's Stoops are making me question my entire thought processes. I believe either of them would be better choices than Freeze (and I still think they are), but they do lay some rotten eggs.
> The Atlanta Braves in the post-season. Frustrating ass.
> Trevor Mattich. Creepy, beefy ass.
> Phillip Montgomery. Puts the offensive in offensive coordinator. Sorry. Has to be said.
> The elf-eared weirdo on the Pizza Hut commercials. Even though I once worked at a Hut and occasionally crave a thin sausage, mushroom and onion offering, I've come to realize they really don't want my business any more. I don't have enough pigment to eat their pies. The latest ad, where some woman has pierced eyelids and ears carved into some elf shape just caps it for me. I don't want to eat what these FREAKS eat.
> Rushing the field. Notre Dame (ass) rushed the field after beating an assy USC. Just go home.
13 Replies
891 Views