Given that Disney is re-imagining Peter Pan and casting a British Muslim as Pan and a black Tinkerbell, it's time to take a look at some of the other classics the organization has on tap.
1. Snow White and the Seven Trans: Current favorite to land the title role is Gabourey Sidibe. Using dwarves is considered offensive, so the live action film will replace them with seven men masquerading as women. They won't work in a diamond mine, but will mine digital diamonds as online influencers. Hillary Clinton was allegedly considered for the role of the evil witch, but Sarah Palin seems to have the inside track. "I mean, she's a republican," director Shonda Rimes said. "People already believe she's evil, so it ain't no stretch."
2. Gus: Alexandria Occasionally Cortez is certain to take the role of the titular football-kicking mule. Chris Tucker and Keenan Thompson will star as the mule's handlers in this Wayan Brothers comedy.
3. The Love Bug - Lovable Herbie is back, re-imagined as a black Subaru. Snoop Dogg has been tapped for the role once held by Dean Jones. Paris Hilton will play his love interest. Cheech and Chong are in talks for the role of the goofy mechanics who tag along for the ride.
4. The George Wallace Story - While not an original Disney property, the studio brings to life the history of Alabama Governor George C. Wallace. In this re-imagining, Wallace is a black crusader for reparations who is elected president in 1972, changing the face of the USA forever. After a long search, Samuel L. Jackson accepted the role of the firebrand governor.
5. Hercules: Dwayne Johnson will star as the Greek god with Angela Bassett, Forrest Whitaker, Jr., Viola Davis, Common, Cuba Gooding, and Mr. T slated to appear as other denizens of Mount Olympus.
6. 101 Dalmatians: In this clever, loving twist on the timeless Disney classic, the pups will be replaced by children. Roger and Anita Dalmatian are portrayed as evil culture-snatching white MAGA radicals who have adopted a hundred black children and are keeping them, not only from their heritage, but from the ability to make decisions about their own sexuality! Enter the brilliant and progressive Gentella, a sagacious rising political star who crafts a plan to rescue the children and let them make their own gender decisions as early as age 2! Roger and Anita will be played by any old white people who happen to be around, as a disney spokesperson says "they're interchangeable, they all look alike." The coveted role of Gentella was attached to Nancy Pelosi (too white), before finally falling to Whoopi Goldberg.
19 Replies
1750 Views