Dear Bowl Committee:
Thank you for your invitation to play in the Citrus Bowl against Northwestern. I regret to inform you that we must respectfully decline.
At the current time we either have no coach, a committee of coaches, an internal war between pressure treated pine and a defunct bank, a thwarted coup, a list of alcoholic names, or a coach in waiting backed by the good-ol-boy network with a dash of racism tossed in.
We are also really tired of coming to Florida with our young team to face a senior-laden Big 10 squad and watching our dicks get mashed in the dirt. It really doesn't do much for the program or our self esteem.
Thanks again for the offer.
Your pal,
Aubie