I'm bored. So I'll talk about more other world problems, useless information and mundane observations. One of the things about getting older, and yes, believe it or not, I'm older, is that you start to realize your body definitely changes. I was always young, strong and invincible. Now, when I get out of bed to go to the bathroom, grunts and groans involuntarily come out of my mouth and I sound like a bowl of Rice Krispies as every joint in my body snaps, crackles and pops while I walk down the hall. If I got hurt playing sports, I'd give it at least half a day's rest before jumping right back into whatever it was. However, lately I worry about tearing an ACL or spraining an ankle if I get off the couch too fast between innings of the Braves game. The biggest worry about getting up there in age is any new, strange ache or pain. Your mind wonders what it is, where it came from and most importantly, is this the big one, Elizabeth?
A few days ago, I get out of the shower and instead of ravaging my hot body, Snagette announces, "That place on your back looks worse. You need to get that checked out."
Well shit!!! Just what I wanted to hear. What is it, where did it come from and is this the big one, Elizabeth? So, I call the Derma-Doc Dude. (No relation to Bee Dude) Experience has normally been that I can call and say I woke up this morning and found half my face covered with a black, hairy mole that's moving on its own and appears to be growing about an inch every 5 minutes.....Okay sir, it looks like our first available appointment is next November 17th at 9:00 a.m.
Can you get me in any sooner because I'm pretty sure I'll be dead by then.
But lo and behold, they booked me the very next morning. (Today) I didn't sleep much because I know when I go, Derma-Doc is going to check every inch of my body and there's no doubt at some point he's going to say, "Whoa.....that's not good." Which means I'll most certainly be headed over to the nearest hospital to spend the rest of the day going through every test known to man while my mind races through every dire diagnosis possible.
But that wasn't the case at all. In fact, other than a few very minute areas that he said could be pre-cancerous, for which he put some burning creamy substance on, he said overall I looked great. But, that didn't seem to really register with me because I spent the entire exam focused on another problem. You see, the stunning, young sex-goddess who walked me back to the exam room and asked me all the initial questions....stayed in there through the exam.
Doc: Okay, take off your shirt and let's take a look.
Do I have to?
Of course you do.
Why?
Well, how can I look at the problem through your shirt?
Don't you have like an x-ray machine or something?
What? Don't be silly. Take off your shirt so I can examine you.
You know, I just realized I have a very important meeting in 5 minutes at....
Take off your shirt!!!
Oh....alright.
I was going to start my summer diet this coming Monday.
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