Did you ever hear the story of how Tuger Toblerone was born?
He came out three months early. His mother's birth canal was swollen because Mr. Turdbelonger had been hammering her with his fist since she had been reluctant to perform sexual acts due to the size and activity of young Toobler in her belly. He made sure she understood her role. Young Tagglar was ready to be born and could not wait. He fought his way out, breaking both ankles and one hip in the process. He then gnawed the umbilical cord in two himself. The doctor and two nurses, all amazed by his beauty, fainted. He clambered down from the bed and performed CPR on all three at once, saving their lives. Once they were safe, he leaped back on the table and used his glowing aura to repair his mother's shredded vagina. He used the remains of the chewed up umbilical cord to perform an emergency transfusion, saving his mother's life in the process. His young bones knit themselves back into place in a matter of minutes. Weary from the effort on his first day of existence, young Tallywhoova stepped down from the table and picked up the football his father had left for him as a birth gift. As he examined the item he tripped over the doctor, who was sprawled on the floor trying to recover from fainting. Young Tellwhalovia's arm hit the hard tile floor and the ball bounced out of his hands. His father burst through the door enraged and rained blows down upon his head and back. You. Will. Not. Fumble. The. Fucking. Ball. the elder Tragalophilia bellowed. Thus, the legend was born.
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