LSU Not Sure Who To Hire Now

[Snaggletiger]

From the SportsPickle


BATON ROUGE, LA — LSU is reportedly scrambling to identify a long-term replacement for Les Miles after finding out that the program’s №1 choice, Eric Taylor, is a fictional person from a television show.

Athletic director Joe Alleva fired Miles after Saturday’s loss to Auburn because he was confident he could lure the dynamic East Dillion Lions coach from rural Texas to Louisiana for the bright lights of the SEC. But according to sources, soon after terminating Miles, Alleva was unable to get Taylor on the phone and then ultimately discovered the coach was a character played by Kyle Chandler, a 51-year old actor from Buffalo. Panicked, Alleva then hired Ed Orgeron as LSU’s interim head coach.

“Joe thought ‘Friday Night Lights’ was a documentary,” said a prominent LSU booster. “We all did. It was very realistic and gritty. We wanted Eric and Tammy Taylor here and thought we were going to have a home run hire. Instead, we have Ed Orgeron. I’m worried we made a big mistake.”

While the Tigers will likely end the season with Orgeron at the helm, LSU boosters have been in contact with Chandler in the last 24 hours about acting like a head coach for LSU.

“Head coaches are figureheads nowadays anyway,” said a booster. “If we can put a good staff around Kyle and he can pretend he’s Coach Taylor at games and practices and with recruits, that’s a situation that could really work well. I know he’s an actor — well, I know that now — but do we really think he could manage the clock worse than Les Miles? I doubt it.”

[Godfather]

From the SportsPickle

and yet still a better news source then al.com

[Snaggletiger]

and yet still a better news source then al.com

Yep.  And much more entertaining. 

[GH2001]

SportsPickle. Sounds kinky

[CCTAU]

SportsPickle. Sounds kinky

DO NOT go there again....

[Buzz Killington]

SportsPickle. Sounds kinky

Watch for the surprise

[dallaswareagle]

SportsPickle. Sounds kinky

[The Six]

[dallaswareagle]

[jmar]

Allow Les to coach his Tigers for free (2 year, 10 Mil figurehead) and hire the best OC you can.

And never the twain shall interfere with the other.

You got a problem? Take it to Yaw Yaw.

[Godfather]

These are both funnier than the sportspickle satire stories

[jmar]

DO NOT go there again....

Hear here!

[wesfau2]

Allow Les to coach recruit and politic for his Tigers for free (2 year, 10 Mil figurehead) and hire the best OC you can.

And never the twain shall interfere with the other.

You got a problem? Take it to Yaw Yaw.

They'd be unstoppable.

[jmar]

They'd be unstoppable.

Yup,  you said it best.

[bgreene]

http://bamahammer.com/2016/09/29/alabama-coach-applies-lsu-job/

After the firing of Les Miles, everyone is wondering who will become the next coach of LSU football. Some are even taking it a step further and applying for the job.


Troy Elliott coaches Middle School football in Gadsden, Alabama. Troy isn’t just any middle school coach, though. His squad sits undefeated with a 5-0 record and only two games remaining.

The self proclaimed “2nd most successful defensive coordinator in Etowah County” sought out LSU athletic director Joe Alleva’s email address to sure up an interview for the head coaching position.



The letter reads

Dear Mr. Alleva,

I am writing this letter in response to your opening labeled HEAD FOOTBALL COACH FOR LSU FIGHTING TIGERS. I am available immediately and will be happy to coach at 1/4 the salary of your previous coach. I understand money is tight.

As I’m sure you are already aware, I am the 2nd most successful public middle school defensive coordinator in Etowah County. My defense this year has been impetuous, and my style has been impregnable. It is good to have impregnable things when you coach boys going through puberty.


Our defense has been labelled “The Hairless Bears” due to our lack of leg hair and tendency to maul our opponents. We have only surrendered 48 points this year, 28 of which I blame squarely on an inept offensive coordinator. I don’t want to say who he models his playbook after, but it rhymes with Spam Spameron. I also have impeccable time management. I have managed to be 5 minutes late for work with consistency for the past 5 years.


I will be right at home in Baton Rouge. Although I have lived in Northeast Alabama my whole life, I am a Cajun at heart. I am a regular at a local authentic Cajun restaurant named “Popeye’s” (Pronounced PO-pies). I am a fan of their fresh seafood menu. Their red beans and rice are award winning and among the finest in the world. Just make sure you order your chicken extra mild. The heat is real. I also put Tony Chachere’s seasoning on everything, including my ice water and communion wafers.

Aside from my culinary expertise, I have also lived a life that helps me fit right into Louisiana. I fell for my common law wife after seeing her expose herself for the honor of plastic beads at Mardi Gras. Our first child was conceived that night on Bourbon Street. We named him Tabasco to commemorate the occasion. Our second son, Zatarain’s, was conceived in a Krystal’s in January 2012. Thank goodness there was another incident that night that took the attention off us.

I have been preparing for the possibility of this job opening since last year. My lawn has been carefully eaten the entire summer. I haven’t had a solid bowel movement in 8 months, but I believe that my dedication proves I am the man for the job.

I’m glad Mike is doing better, and I look forward to hearing from you,

Troy Elliott

[wesfau2]

Hairless bears.

DKW is disappoint.

[WiregrassTiger]

http://bamahammer.com/2016/09/29/alabama-coach-applies-lsu-job/

After the firing of Les Miles, everyone is wondering who will become the next coach of LSU football. Some are even taking it a step further and applying for the job.


Troy Elliott coaches Middle School football in Gadsden, Alabama. Troy isn’t just any middle school coach, though. His squad sits undefeated with a 5-0 record and only two games remaining.

The self proclaimed “2nd most successful defensive coordinator in Etowah County” sought out LSU athletic director Joe Alleva’s email address to sure up an interview for the head coaching position.



The letter reads

Dear Mr. Alleva,

I am writing this letter in response to your opening labeled HEAD FOOTBALL COACH FOR LSU FIGHTING TIGERS. I am available immediately and will be happy to coach at 1/4 the salary of your previous coach. I understand money is tight.

As I’m sure you are already aware, I am the 2nd most successful public middle school defensive coordinator in Etowah County. My defense this year has been impetuous, and my style has been impregnable. It is good to have impregnable things when you coach boys going through puberty.


Our defense has been labelled “The Hairless Bears” due to our lack of leg hair and tendency to maul our opponents. We have only surrendered 48 points this year, 28 of which I blame squarely on an inept offensive coordinator. I don’t want to say who he models his playbook after, but it rhymes with Spam Spameron. I also have impeccable time management. I have managed to be 5 minutes late for work with consistency for the past 5 years.


I will be right at home in Baton Rouge. Although I have lived in Northeast Alabama my whole life, I am a Cajun at heart. I am a regular at a local authentic Cajun restaurant named “Popeye’s” (Pronounced PO-pies). I am a fan of their fresh seafood menu. Their red beans and rice are award winning and among the finest in the world. Just make sure you order your chicken extra mild. The heat is real. I also put Tony Chachere’s seasoning on everything, including my ice water and communion wafers.

Aside from my culinary expertise, I have also lived a life that helps me fit right into Louisiana. I fell for my common law wife after seeing her expose herself for the honor of plastic beads at Mardi Gras. Our first child was conceived that night on Bourbon Street. We named him Tabasco to commemorate the occasion. Our second son, Zatarain’s, was conceived in a Krystal’s in January 2012. Thank goodness there was another incident that night that took the attention off us.

I have been preparing for the possibility of this job opening since last year. My lawn has been carefully eaten the entire summer. I haven’t had a solid bowel movement in 8 months, but I believe that my dedication proves I am the man for the job.

I’m glad Mike is doing better, and I look forward to hearing from you,

Troy Elliott

Now this is nice work. Good find.

[Kaos]

Was sitting outside enjoying a beverage and the night air last night when a table of four old geezers piled in at the next table.  Three of the four wearing Bama hats. 

They proceeded to chuckle over "what they done heart on the Gus Mailzawn" show.  They talked about Saban running Les out of Baton Rouge and said "them other teams just got to understand they cain't be us and it ain't no use to try.  Said Bama had put an end to Les back at 21-0, he jes didn't know he was dead yet..." and more yaw yaw yaw. 

Then one said Saturday was maybe the finest football Saturday he'd ever experienced.  "Bammer won big like they allus do and he got to watch Auburn AND LSU both lose within a five minute span." 

I hate them so much.