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Fractured Christmas Carols

Kaos

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Fractured Christmas Carols
« on: November 26, 2015, 12:36:24 AM »
Anybody else remember the Fractured Fairy Tales that used to be on Bullwinkle and Rocky?  I liked those things. 

So today I'm driving along with Christmas music playing on the radio looking at the snarl of traffic that always announces the Christmas shopping season around here.  And I'm sort of humming along without realizing that I'm making up my own words as I go along.  So here's my first fractured Christmas carol.  There may be more. 

Stay At Home
Dean Martin

Oh the traffic outside is frightful
I wish I had a rifle
Since you've nowhere to go
Stay at home, stay at home, stay at home

It doesn't show signs of stopping
All these bastards shopping
What time do these stores close?
Stay at home, stay at home, stay at home

If this stupid red light would change
How I wish I could stomp on the gas
Get out of my fucking lane
Before I whip your slow ass

The horns just keep on honking
It would be much faster walking
I wish I was getting stoned...
Stay at home, stay at home stay at home
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If you want free cheese, look in a mousetrap.

CCTAU

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Re: Fractured Christmas Carols
« Reply #1 on: November 27, 2015, 12:08:19 AM »
Counseling...
You need it!
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Five statements of WISDOM
1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity, by legislating the wealth out of prosperity.
2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.
3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.
4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it.
5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friends, is the beginning of the end of any nation.

Kaos

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Re: Fractured Christmas Carols
« Reply #2 on: November 27, 2015, 06:48:52 AM »
Counseling...
You need it!

Counseling, counseling, I should go
I can hear the voices
Counseling, counseling, yes I know
Could maybe stop the noises

Screaming at me in my head
How I wish that they were dead

Ding dong, ding dong
The voices keep on screaming

Counseling counseling, go downtown
Voices keep on screaming
Counseling counseling, is that a clown?
Is it his voice that's screaming?

Mark ye well these words I shout
Fuck with me, I'll take you out

Ding, dong, ding, dong
The voices keep on screaming.
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If you want free cheese, look in a mousetrap.

jmar

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Re: Fractured Christmas Carols
« Reply #3 on: November 27, 2015, 07:29:40 AM »
You're just hearing your own screams.
Try not to scare any small children. You should be fine.
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