Ever have the misfortune of winding up by "That guy" in the stadium? Could be a girl, but usually a guy. Experienced "That girl" last season at the Falcons/Panthers game. Wasn't beside her. About 5 rows in front. Before every....single....play.....the....entire....game, she stood up and screamed at the top of her lungs, and trust me...she had some pipes. Couldn't tell what she was saying most of the time but she was screaming for Carolina and honestly, she pretty much ruined the whole experience for most of those around her. But Saturday at JHS, I had that guy.
The game early on is depressing enough with us down 14-0, but that guy made sure everyone around him took the irritation to another level. Guy sits down with his family. He winds up right next to me. The thing that made this guy, that guy, was his incessant blathering about what was happening every second of the game. Not just the blathering, but the way he did it. He's talking to his family..but he's not just talking to his family. He's making sure that his comments are broadcast to all those around him as if constantly seeking affirmation of his vast knowledge of the sport and his keen sense of observation. Think...LOUD. I'll help with all caps.
DUKE'S IN THE SLOT. NO...NOW HE'S SPLIT OUT WIDE. SEE THERE? DUKE'S SPLIT OUT WIDE. THEY'RE GOING TO DUKE. HE STARTED IN THE SLOT BUT HE SWITCHED WITH THAT GUY AND NOW HE'S OUT WIDE.
THAT WAS NOT A CATCH. NOT A CATCH. NO...NOT A CATCH. SEE...HIS FOOT NEVER TOUCHED (Waving arms signaling an incompletion) SEE? IT'S CLEAR. THAT'S CLEAR. HIS FOOT NEVER TOUCHED. IT LOOKED LIKE IT TOUCHED BUT IT NEVER DID. THAT'S NOT A CATCH. NO..IT'S NOT A CATCH...HIS FOOT NEVER TOUCHED.
WAIT...OH MY GOD...WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHY ARE YOU BLOWING YOUR WHISTLE? HE'S BLOWING HIS WHISTLE. HE BLEW THE PLAY DEAD. WE INTERCEPTED AND RAN IT BACK. WHY DID HE BLOW IT DEAD. HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE'S DOING. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Me: Mullen called a time out.
Oh....IT'S 3RD AND 10 HERE. 3RD AND 10. IF THEY DON'T GET 10 YARDS, THEY HAVE TO PUNT. KEEP EM' FROM GETTING 10 YARDS AND WE GET THE BALL BACK. 3RD AND 10. IT'S 3RD AND 10...
Me: Excuse me sir, but are you retarded? Were you dropped on your head as a child?
This went on every second until me and mini decided enough was enough and headed to the new F-150.
Who is "That Guy" for you?
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