Cool Story Bro

[Snaggletiger]

Do you have to make a separate appointed for you balls or do they join you?

I'll reply when you say it in English. 

[chinook]

I'll reply when you say it in English.

Damn that was butchered.

[smooth_operator]

My dad just had the cancer cut out. They caught it early because his PSA levels were elevated, which led to a biopsy which led to a surgery which led to him still being alive. If your doc says they ain't doin' PSAs get a new fucking doc.

Dad would be slowly dying of cancer right now without it.

[Snaggletiger]

My dad just had the cancer cut out. They caught it early because his PSA levels were elevated, which led to a biopsy which led to a surgery which led to him still being alive. If your doc says they ain't doin' PSAs get a new fucking doc.

Dad would be slowly dying of cancer right now without it.

Great news

[DnATL]

Great news

Snags pre-empted testicular cancer by letting the Mrs. perform a preventive double nuttectomy

[Kaos]

Two stories. 

1) Played golf Saturday.  Started off with a birdie and two pars.  Then came within about six inches of a hole in one on four. 

I'm keeping up with distance with an app on my iphone.  As we went to the fifth tee, it fell out of the cart.  Didn't break or even crack a screen, but the golf app had to be restarted because it was frozen.  The rest of the day I'm a club short.  App says I'm 150 out, I know a seven usually hits right at 150, but I'm short of the green.  Still I shoot low 80s, which is good, but the coming up short on every iron into the green is frustrating. It's adding strokes I don't need.  And my driving seems off. My good drives are usually 260, I average about 220 counting the shit ones I occasionally bust out.  I'm barely breaking 200. I've got drives that register 185 and 177.

Can't figure out what the hell is wrong with me.  Why am I shortchanging the drives?  I tinker with stance,grip, weight shift, trying like hell to get the pop back.   I never do.  Just doesn't happen. 

This app emails me the scorecard and a hole-by-hole summary.  I happen to look at it today?  The fucking thing reset itself to the metric system when it fell out of the cart.  All day I'm looking at metric distances.  150 is really 164.  I'm going up to a six from that distance. 

Fucking thing ruined my game.  Probably cost me ten strokes. And has my driving fucked up unless I can undo all the tinkering I started doing from about hole seven on.


-----------------------------------------------------------

2)  Middle of the night last night this awful noise wakes me up.   Sounds sort of like somebody is hammering at the door.  Maybe I dreamed it.  I dunno.  Clock says 4:20. Nobody's home but me and my youngest.  Check the house, nothing seems amiss.  Check the front door.  it's unlocked. 

So I get the the baseball bat and go outside.  It's dark as hell.  I think I see something moving off to the side in the shadows.  So I walk a little closer with that tingly feeling crawling up the back of my neck.  It's nothing.  A stupid ass dog cruising for garbage I guess. 

And then I hear this hissing sound right beside me.  It's like sssssss-ssssssssssss-sssssssskkkkkk. 

I think "oh FUCK, I've walked out here in the fucking dark and am up on a motherfucking snake."  It's pitch.  I can't see what's there. With my nuts trying their best to crawl up into my guts I'm frozen in place trying to figure out where this fucking snake is so I don't step on it. 

And then... Kaaa-sppppppppppissssshhhhhh-tktktktktktktk. 

My fucking sprinklers come on.  I get a face full of water.  That's the "snake" I heard.  The damn sprinkler priming up. 

And it's 4:30ish, I'm soaking ass wet and my day has started off with a bang. 

[JR4AU]

Lawyer talk.

Werd

[Godfather]

I know a few guys around here who would take you up on that.

My dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer a few years ago.  They told me then that when I turned 35 I needed to start getting checked as a precaution.  It was no big deal then because I was in my late 20's and that seemed like a long time away. Well, I turned 35 in January and my wife is constantly nagging me about it.  Is it as bad as I think it will be?

Prep is worse than the exam...besides what are you worried about you have had worse things shove up your anus.

[Jumbo]

Prep is worse than the exam...besides what are you worried about you have had worse things shove up your anus.

I like to use the word "placed".

[DnATL]

I like to use the word "place nouned".

fixt - that would cover person, place, or thing

[Snaggletiger]

I hate that cat.

For some reason, our house has always been a haven for stray cats.  In the 8 years we've lived there, we've probably had 8 different cats take up residence in our garage.  Some will hang out for a few months, some longer but ultimately, they all wind up disappearing.  We have woods next to our house so I don't know if a bobcat or a coyote or other vile creature is killing them.  Welp, lost another one.  Meh.

They're pretty cool for the most part.  We take em' to the clinic once a year and get a rabies shot.  Put a bowl of food out.  They keep the rodent population down and do their own thing.  But the one that's out there now.....gawt damn I'm ready to shoot that bastage.  It's a little killing machine.  There is rarely a day that goes by where that cat doesn't torture and maim some poor creature....in our garage.  We'll walk out and there will be bird feathers everywhere.  Or a mangled skink lizard.  A lot of mice without heads.  Pieces of snake.  She's gutted squirrels bigger than her and presented us with the entrails.  Yesterday, I come home and Snagette tells me there's a wounded chipmunk in the back yard that they saved from the cat.  I go out there and put the little fella in a box to see if he'll live.  He didn't.  So I go outside and what do I find in the garage?  We had taken one play toy away from her...so she went and got another chipmunk family member, ripped it in half and placed it lovingly on the mat at the foot of the stairs.

Stupid cat.  Not there when you need it, either.  Working in the yard this past weekend. I'm walking through the yard and hear this rustling in the bushes. Cat?  No, the cat is 5 feet away under my car yawning.  I look at the bushes and a 4 foot snake comes boogeyin' out right by my feet.  Startled the shit out of me.  Cat just looked at me and said, "Snake almost gotcha' didn't it?"

I hate that cat.

Cool story, bro.     

[WiregrassTiger]

I love a good pussy.

[Snaggletiger]

I love a good pussy.

This one will rip the blue vein out of your Johnson and show it to you.

[dallaswareagle]

One my dogs attacked and destroyed my sunglasses last night. 


My fault for leaving them vulnerable.   

[Godfather]

I hate that cat.

For some reason, our house has always been a haven for stray cats.  In the 8 years we've lived there, we've probably had 8 different cats take up residence in our garage.  Some will hang out for a few months, some longer but ultimately, they all wind up disappearing.  We have woods next to our house so I don't know if a bobcat or a coyote or other vile creature is killing them.  Welp, lost another one.  Meh.

They're pretty cool for the most part.  We take em' to the clinic once a year and get a rabies shot.  Put a bowl of food out.  They keep the rodent population down and do their own thing.  But the one that's out there now.....gawt damn I'm ready to shoot that bastage.  It's a little killing machine.  There is rarely a day that goes by where that cat doesn't torture and maim some poor creature....in our garage.  We'll walk out and there will be bird feathers everywhere.  Or a mangled skink lizard.  A lot of mice without heads.  Pieces of snake.  She's gutted squirrels bigger than her and presented us with the entrails.  Yesterday, I come home and Snagette tells me there's a wounded chipmunk in the back yard that they saved from the cat.  I go out there and put the little fella in a box to see if he'll live.  He didn't.  So I go outside and what do I find in the garage?  We had taken one play toy away from her...so she went and got another chipmunk family member, ripped it in half and placed it lovingly on the mat at the foot of the stairs.

Stupid cat.  Not there when you need it, either.  Working in the yard this past weekend. I'm walking through the yard and hear this rustling in the bushes. Cat?  No, the cat is 5 feet away under my car yawning.  I look at the bushes and a 4 foot snake comes boogeyin' out right by my feet.  Startled the shit out of me.  Cat just looked at me and said, "Snake almost gotcha' didn't it?"

I hate that cat.

Cool story, bro.   

Pussy knows its safe at yo house.

[Godfather]

One my dogs attacked and destroyed my sunglasses last night. 


My fault for leaving them vulnerable.   

not keen, they were ugly anyways though.

[Snaggletiger]

Pussy knows its safe at yo house.

I ain't been bruisin' nothin' up lately.

[dallaswareagle]

not keen, they were ugly anyways though.

If they weren't they are now. 

He didn't think it was keen when I gave some serious thought to launching him over the fence. If I had done that I would have never have had fun with Mrs. Dallas. We have two dogs, three cats. That makes me the sixth most important thing in that house and I know that.

[War Eagle!!!]

If they weren't they are now. 

He didn't think it was keen when I gave some serious thought to launching him over the fence. If I had done that I would have never have had fun with Mrs. Dallas. We have two dogs, three cats. That makes me the sixth most important thing in that house and I know that.

This isn't even worthy of a "cool story bro"...

[dallaswareagle]

This isn't even worthy of a "cool story bro"...

An "ok story bro"?