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"You will lead a long and prosperous life"

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Buzz Killington

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"You will lead a long and prosperous life"
« on: April 30, 2014, 04:11:28 PM »
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/04/30/fortune-cookie-mixer-death_n_5239991.html?&ncid=tweetlnkushpmg00000067

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Man Found Dead Inside Fortune Cookie Dough Mixer

Police in Texas are investigating the death of a 26-year-old man who investigators believe perished inside an industrial fortune cookie dough mixer.

Authorities say that the unnamed man was operating the machine on Sunday when another worker at the Wonton Food company in Houston discovered his body inside the mixer, KHOU reports.

An autopsy will be performed by the Harris County Institute of Forensic Sciences.

According to Houston Press:

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Wonton, which has a huge factory in New York and others around the country, is actually known as one of the leading providers of fortune cookies around the world. It also makes other Asian food under the Golden Bowl brand.
No foul play is suspected.
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Now I may be an idiot, but there is one thing I am not, sir, and that, sir, is an idiot.

Snaggletiger

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Re: "You will lead a long and prosperous life"
« Reply #1 on: April 30, 2014, 04:23:41 PM »
I stuck my dick in the pickle slicer at work.
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My doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating.  I asked him why, and he said, "because I'm trying to examine you."

chinook

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Re: "You will lead a long and prosperous life"
« Reply #2 on: April 30, 2014, 11:24:21 PM »
Quote from: Snaggletiger on April 30, 2014, 04:23:41 PM
I stuck my dick in the pickle slicer at work.

and your skirt took the tin snips to your balls. 
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Snaggletiger

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Re: "You will lead a long and prosperous life"
« Reply #3 on: May 01, 2014, 09:42:05 AM »
Quote from: chinook on April 30, 2014, 11:24:21 PM
and your skirt took the tin snips to your balls.

No, the punch line is....and we both got fired.

And it was a butcher knife, not tin snips Mr. Smarty McSmartpants
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My doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating.  I asked him why, and he said, "because I'm trying to examine you."

Tiger Wench

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Re: "You will lead a long and prosperous life"
« Reply #4 on: May 01, 2014, 11:03:33 AM »
Quote from: Snaggletiger on May 01, 2014, 09:42:05 AM
No, the punch line is....and we both got fired.

And it was a butcher knife, not tin snips Mr. Smarty McSmartpants

Butcher knife?  That's a bit of overkill.  I heard it was a paring knife.  Fit the right tool to the job at hand...
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Saniflush

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Re: "You will lead a long and prosperous life"
« Reply #5 on: May 01, 2014, 11:09:09 AM »
Quote from: Tiger Wench on May 01, 2014, 11:03:33 AM
Butcher knife?  That's a bit of overkill.  I heard it was a paring knife.  Fit the right tool to the job at hand...

I heard olive fork.
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"Hey my friends are the ones that wanted to eat at that shitty hole in the wall that only served bread and wine.  What kind of brick and mud business model is that.  Stick to the cart if that's all you're going to serve.  Then that dude came in with like 12 other people, and some of them weren't even wearing shoes, and the restaurant sat them right across from us. It was gross, and they were all stinky and dirty.  Then dude starts talking about eating his body and drinking his blood...I almost lost it.  That's the last supper I'll ever have there, and I hope he dies a horrible death."

Snaggletiger

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Re: "You will lead a long and prosperous life"
« Reply #6 on: May 01, 2014, 11:12:02 AM »
Sling Blade
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My doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating.  I asked him why, and he said, "because I'm trying to examine you."

wesfau2

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Re: "You will lead a long and prosperous life"
« Reply #7 on: May 01, 2014, 12:01:46 PM »
Quote from: Snaggletiger on May 01, 2014, 11:12:02 AM
Sling Blade

Some folks call it a "kaiser blade." 


Mmmmmmmmhmmmmmmm.
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You can keep a wooden stake in your trunk
On the off-chance that the fairy tales ain't bunk
And Imma keep a bottle of that funk
To get motel parking lot, balcony crunk.

Snaggletiger

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Re: "You will lead a long and prosperous life"
« Reply #8 on: May 01, 2014, 12:09:05 PM »
Quote from: wesfau2 on May 01, 2014, 12:01:46 PM
Some folks call it a "kaiser blade." 


Mmmmmmmmhmmmmmmm.

Ever think of killing yourself on purpose like my daddy done?
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My doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating.  I asked him why, and he said, "because I'm trying to examine you."

AWK

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Re: "You will lead a long and prosperous life"
« Reply #9 on: May 01, 2014, 04:18:42 PM »
Quote from: Tiger Wench on May 01, 2014, 11:03:33 AM
Butcher knife?  That's a bit of overkill.  I heard it was a paring knife.  Fit the right tool to the job at hand...
A hand...job?
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Redskins cornerback DeAngelo Hall said, "Guys don't mind hitting Michael Vick in the open field, but when you see Cam, you have to think about how you're going to tackle him. He's like a big tight end coming at you."
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