When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.
A hooker once told me she had a headache.
I met the surgeon general. He offered me a cigarette.
I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself now."
I went to see my doctor... Doctor Vidi-boom-ba. Yeah...I told him once, "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me? He said, "I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect."
Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide." He told me from now on I have to pay in advance.
http://www.al.com/auburnfootball/index.ssf/2014/01/what_does_auburns_nick_marshal.html#incart_most-commentsNick Marshall probably never heard of Rodney Dangerfield, but the Auburn quarterback and the old actor/comedian have something in common.
I tell ya, they get no respect.
For Dangerfield, that was a joke, a signature line that was part of his act. In Marshall’s case, it’s all too true, and it’s a joke more cruel than kind.
Did you know that the quarterback of Auburn’s SEC champions, who finished No. 2 in the nation, wasn’t one of the top 20 players in the SEC in 2013? That’s the opinion of the SEC blog on ESPN.com.
The Worldwide Leader’s home on the World Wide Web is counting down its list of the top 25 players in the SEC from last season. Marshall made the list - at No. 21.
Check out some of the names ranked ahead of him. At No. 17, there’s Missouri defensive end Kony Ealy, a very good player and disruptive force who watched in person as Marshall piloted Auburn to 59 points and 677 yards of offense in the SEC Championship Game.
At No. 18 is Alabama running back T.J. Yeldon, a real playmaker who put together his second straight 1,000-yard season. In his biggest carries in his biggest game of the year, in the fourth quarter at Auburn, Yeldon was stopped for no gain on third-and-1 and on fourth-and-1 at the Auburn 13 when a first down might’ve put the game out of reach.
Two possessions later, Marshall threw a 39-yard touchdown pass to Sammie Coates as Auburn tied the game to set up the Kick Six. Four other times in 2013, Marshall led late fourth-quarter touchdown drives that gave the Tigers the lead.
Three of those drives won the Mississippi State, Texas A&M and Georgia games. It was only in the BCS Championship Game that the Auburn defense couldn’t hold the lead handed to it in the final minutes by Marshall and the Auburn offense.
That knack for making game-changing plays at winning time would seem to distinguish Marshall’s performance in 2013, wouldn’t it? It would seem to make him one of the best players in the league. At least one of the top 20.
Did you know that the first quarterback who’ll start for a second straight season under quarterback guru Gus Malzahn isn’t one of the top 15 early favorites to contend for the 2014 Heisman Trophy?
The Bovada Online Sportsbook from Las Vegas has listed odds on the next Heisman winner. As you might expect, Florida State quarterback Jameis Winston is the favorite to repeat, followed by Oregon quarterback Marcus Mariota, Ohio State quarterback Braxton Miller and Yeldon.
As you might not expect, Marshall is not among the full list of 15 names, even though he’ll go through a full offseason at Auburn for the first time and he’ll be expected to shoulder even more of the offense with Tre Mason gone to the NFL.
What does Marshall have to do to gain a little respect? He’s already one of only four quarterbacks in SEC history to rush for more than 1,000 yards in a season. The others: Auburn’s Cam Newton, Texas A&M’s Johnny Manziel and Auburn’s Jimmy Sidle.
Marshall still has room to improve as a passer, but on every one of his five game-tying, game-winning or go-ahead drives late in the fourth quarter, he made at least one critical completion.
If he was one of the top players in the SEC in 2013 without the benefit of spring practice - and he was - imagine how good he might be in 2014.
Guess some people don’t have that much imagination.
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