Was at Tanger Outlet yesterday looking for materials to complete the Ark I'm building in my backyard.
Group of three short obese women, two taller skinny men and a gaggle of rotund waddling kids boiling down the sidewalk. None were wearing any identifying colors, but the women did have on those neon t-shirts with long statements about what kind of "girl" they were on the back. First time we passed this group I heard snippets of conversation that included phrases like:
"none of them there wuz" and "therez not nern" and "I'us thankin that store wuz ratchear, cept I guess it ain't"
This volley of conversation was punctuated by a braying laugh from the oldest of the women, the kind of hillbilly shriek that can only be produced after a lengthy period of cultivation that includes large quantities of cigarettes, Natural Light for weekdays and Wild Turkey or gin for weekends, voluminous amounts of twinkies, and a steady diet of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour.
As this swarm of meat feigning humanity rudely passed, shoving all other patrons to the edge of the sidewalk, I glared at their retreating forms and groused "idiot bama fans..."
My wife admonished me for judging a book by its cover and assuming facts not in evidence.
Thankfully I had the opportunity to prove my point an hour later. Ran into this same tumbleweed of vulgarity on the inner circle of the mall still mowing through shoppers with oblivious ignorance. As we tried to fight our way through this offensive wad of bubblegum and burritos I offered a loud and rednecked-up "rawwwl taahd!"
The herd of digested mcburgers erupted in a cacophony of bellowed reply that included "yew know that's raaght" and "nashunal champeenship baby!" among other grunted and unintelligible responses.
Sometimes you just know.