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Sometimes you just know...

Kaos

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Sometimes you just know...
« on: August 18, 2013, 12:03:47 PM »
Was at Tanger Outlet yesterday looking for materials to complete the Ark I'm building in my backyard. 

Group of three short obese women, two taller skinny men and a gaggle of rotund waddling kids boiling down the sidewalk.  None were wearing any identifying colors, but the women did have on those neon t-shirts with long statements about what kind of "girl" they were on the back.  First time we passed this group I heard snippets of conversation that included phrases like:

"none of them there wuz" and "therez not nern" and "I'us thankin that store wuz ratchear, cept I guess it ain't" 

This volley of conversation was punctuated by a braying laugh from the oldest of the women, the kind of hillbilly shriek that can only be produced after a lengthy period of cultivation that includes large quantities of cigarettes, Natural Light for weekdays and Wild Turkey or gin for weekends, voluminous amounts of twinkies, and a steady diet of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour.

As this swarm of meat feigning humanity rudely passed, shoving all other patrons to the edge of the sidewalk, I glared at their retreating forms and groused "idiot bama fans..."

My wife admonished me for judging a book by its cover and assuming facts not in evidence. 

Thankfully I had the opportunity to prove my point an hour later.  Ran into this same tumbleweed of vulgarity on the inner circle of the mall still mowing through shoppers with oblivious ignorance.  As we tried to fight our way through this offensive wad of bubblegum and burritos I offered a loud and rednecked-up "rawwwl taahd!" 

The herd of digested mcburgers erupted in a cacophony of bellowed reply that included "yew know that's raaght" and "nashunal champeenship baby!"  among other grunted and unintelligible responses. 

Sometimes you just know. 
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jmar

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Re: Sometimes you just know...
« Reply #1 on: August 18, 2013, 12:13:05 PM »
"...swarm of meat feigning humanity "

This brought tears.
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oldautiger

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Re: Sometimes you just know...
« Reply #2 on: August 18, 2013, 12:25:43 PM »
"...swarm of meat feigning humanity "

This is THE BEST description of those inbreds I have heard yet.
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wesfau2

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Re: Sometimes you just know...
« Reply #3 on: August 18, 2013, 04:07:26 PM »
Wild Turkey or gin for weekends

Motherfuck you.

Gin is for people of refined tastes and sophistication.
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You can keep a wooden stake in your trunk
On the off-chance that the fairy tales ain't bunk
And Imma keep a bottle of that funk
To get motel parking lot, balcony crunk.

The Prowler

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Re: Sometimes you just know...
« Reply #4 on: August 18, 2013, 04:25:10 PM »
Gin is for people of refined tastes and sophistication.
Said no one, ever.
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Pell City Tiger

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Re: Sometimes you just know...
« Reply #5 on: August 18, 2013, 06:35:18 PM »
"...swarm of meat feigning humanity "

This brought tears.
"...tumbleweed of vulgarity..." did it for me!

 :classic:
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Tiger Wench

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Re: Sometimes you just know...
« Reply #6 on: August 18, 2013, 11:07:03 PM »
Motherfuck you.

Gin is for people of refined tastes and sophistication.

Thank you, weskie.  I'm guessing the rest of the crew here only know gin of the bathtub variety.

A nice highball glass of Sapphire with lime and a splash of tonic is always refreshing on a hot summer day.

Said no one, ever.
I think I just did.
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The Prowler

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Re: Sometimes you just know...
« Reply #7 on: August 19, 2013, 07:49:49 AM »
Thank you, weskie.  I'm guessing the rest of the crew here only know gin of the bathtub variety.

A nice highball glass of Sapphire with lime and a splash of tonic is always refreshing on a hot summer day.
I think I just did.
Technically no, ya didn't...you said nothing about "refined tastes and sophistication."
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"Patriotism and popularity are the beaten paths for power and tyranny." Good, no worries about tyranny w/ Trump

"Alabama's Special Teams unit is made up of Special Ed students." - Daniel Tosh

"The HUNH does cause significant Health and Safety issues, Health issues for the opposing fans and Safety issues for the opposing coaches." - AU AD Jay Jacobs

Tiger Wench

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Re: Sometimes you just know...
« Reply #8 on: August 19, 2013, 11:32:15 AM »
Technically no, ya didn't...you said nothing about "refined tastes and sophistication."

If you have them, you don't have to.
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Godfather

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Re: Sometimes you just know...
« Reply #9 on: August 19, 2013, 11:36:10 AM »
If you have them, you don't have to.

My palate is a raging torrent flooded with rivulets of taste and sophistication cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.

Sapphire & Hendricks are the tits.
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Kaos

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Re: Sometimes you just know...
« Reply #10 on: August 19, 2013, 11:42:12 AM »
good lord. 

change gin (which is a backyard, redneck weekend drank on the cheap) to jack and coke, early times, old forrester, wild turkey, whatever. 

Mountains of cigarettes (Marlboro Lights or Winstons) and copious amounts of cheap booze.   

Creates that laugh that has just a little bit of phlegm gargled at the end of it. 
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If you want free cheese, look in a mousetrap.

Re: Sometimes you just know...
« Reply #11 on: August 19, 2013, 11:48:19 AM »
good lord. 

change gin (which is a backyard, redneck weekend drank on the cheap) to jack and coke, early times, old forrester, wild turkey, whatever. 

Mountains of cigarettes (Marlboro Lights or Winstons) and copious amounts of cheap booze.   

Creates that laugh that has just a little bit of phlegm gargled at the end of it.

I thought it came from yelling, "Hey!  Ya'll younguns leave that durn goat alone!  It's Daddy's turn!" at the top of your lungs.
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Godfather

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Re: Sometimes you just know...
« Reply #12 on: August 19, 2013, 12:09:53 PM »
Said no one, ever.

change gin (which is a backyard, redneck weekend drank on the cheap)




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AUChizad

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Re: Sometimes you just know...
« Reply #13 on: August 19, 2013, 12:16:08 PM »
A nice highball glass of Sapphire with lime and a splash of tonic is always refreshing on a hot summer day.
I think I just did.
Rangpur. But yeah. It is very, very, very, low on the list of liquors I'd consider "redneck". Although for some reason it does show up in a lot of old school country songs, but I suspect that is due to the easily rhymed name. I imagine this same reason is why Bacardi took off in the rap era.
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Kaos

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Re: Sometimes you just know...
« Reply #14 on: August 19, 2013, 12:36:55 PM »
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wesfau2

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Re: Sometimes you just know...
« Reply #15 on: August 19, 2013, 07:57:19 PM »
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You can keep a wooden stake in your trunk
On the off-chance that the fairy tales ain't bunk
And Imma keep a bottle of that funk
To get motel parking lot, balcony crunk.

Godfather

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Re: Sometimes you just know...
« Reply #16 on: August 19, 2013, 08:38:58 PM »
Why do you hate Snoop Lion?
Laid baaack...with my mind on my money and my money on my mind.
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Vandy Vol

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Re: Sometimes you just know...
« Reply #17 on: August 19, 2013, 08:39:46 PM »
Why do you hate Snoop Lion?

It was Dr. Dre who brought the Tanqueray; Snoop Lion supplied the Seagram's, but no one paid him for it.
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Godfather

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Re: Sometimes you just know...
« Reply #18 on: August 19, 2013, 08:45:04 PM »
It was Dr. Dre who brought the Tanqueray; Snoop Lion supplied the Seagram's, but no one paid him for it.
Is that why money was on his mind?
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Vandy Vol

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Re: Sometimes you just know...
« Reply #19 on: August 19, 2013, 08:49:40 PM »
Is that why money was on his mind?

Or was his mind on money?
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"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." - Dean Martin