or rather our traditions. Dumbo Swinney is a putz and I don't particularly care for Climpsum. But, I get what the rock means and I've long held that traditions are what really make college football what it is. Coppage.Scarbinski.Pasta
First, Harvey Updyke killed Auburn's trees. Now, some unknown lowlife has ripped a chunk out of Clemson's rock.
What other icon is next on the endangered species list? LSU's tiger? Georgia's dog? Arkansas's pig?
When will this college football crime spree end?
Do the NCAA and local law enforcement authorities throughout the South have to put together a joint task force to protect and defend the things that football fans hold dear?
This is not a joke. If you're having trouble suppressing a laugh, go ask Updyke how much fun he had during his time in the Lee County Detention Center after his poison hastened the demise of the Toomer's Corner oaks.
It is just a coincidence that the news about the vandalism of Howard's Rock, which has rested on a pedestal at Clemson's Memorial Stadium since 1966, came out right after Updyke got out of jail Monday.
In fairness to him, authorities say the Clemson crime took place June 2 or 3. Updyke was still behind bars so the worst Alabama fan ever is off the hook as a potential serial vandal.
Whoever broke the acrylic casing and removed a piece of the rock, which came from Death Valley, California, and was given to legendary former Clemson coach Frank Howard, belongs in the same category of criminal as Updyke and deserves a few months behind bars himself.
You don't have to be a Clemson fan to fully understand. To you and me, it may be just a rock, a good-luck charm Clemson players rub before they run down the hill into the stadium before every home game.
To them, it's a tradition, and traditions deserve protection from the miscreant portion of opposing fan bases. Clemson coach Dabo Swinney made that point in a statement.
"It is very disappointing that someone would disrespect our unique tradition to this extent," Swinney said. "It is one of the iconic images of the game. I am sure Clemson police will investigate this thoroughly and hold the person accountable for this behavior.
"Thankfully, most of Howard's Rock is still intact and we will do what is necessary to protect it going forward. I know our coaches and players look forward to rubbing Howard's Rock, running down the hill, and furthering one of the great traditions of college football when we open the season against Georgia on August 31."
The mere fact that Swinney and Clemson AD Dan Radakovich both felt compelled to issue statements makes a statement.
Before Updyke gets the twisted notion that he may have started some kind of trend, he should know that this isn't the first time someone has targeted Howard's Rock with malicious intent, but the phenomenon of doing actual physical damage to something a football program and its fans hold dear is fairly new.
Whatever happened to the time-honored tradition of kidnapping a rival's mascot during homecoming week and then returning it unharmed a few mischievous days later?
Mark Emmert may want to trim the NCAA manual, but it's about time to add a new bylaw. Call it the Updyke Law.
If you're found guilty of damaging a college football icon, in addition to whatever justice a judge hands down, you get a punishment similar to that of a disassociated booster. You can't join a booster club, purchase tickets through official channels or set foot on campus at your favorite program or at any program your team plays.
Of course, this would require schools to designate places or things special to them, much like the federal government does with its National Historic Landmarks.
What would Alabama choose? Denny Chimes? The statues of its national championship coaches on the Walk of Champions outside Bryant-Denny Stadium? All of the above?
College football is too important to too many people to let twisted fans run amok. In addition to stiff penalties and 24-hour security cameras, it may be time to throw some bodies at the problem, too.
You know those police officers that follow coaches around? Pull some of them off that detail and put them on icon protection.
After all, coaches come and go. A tree, a rock, a mascot or a statue is supposed to be forever.
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