The Official 2013 MLB Bitch and Moan Thread

[Tiger Wench]

So.  Here we are again at another Opening Day.  For some fans, this day is as highly anticipated as their birthday and Christmas all wrapped up into one.

For some of us, though, given the choice between a pelvic exam and another painful MLB season of mismanagement and major league suckitude, we’d choose the pelvic any day.

Yeah, I know what you are thinking.  “But Wench, you ungrateful hussy.  The Suckasstros beat the Texas By God Rangers last night!  Whooped’em!  Your little team of misfits is #1 in the MLB standings right now!!”

To which I reply…

Fuck them.  And fuck you.

I know how this story ends.  I know which way this mop flops.  And I ain’t getting sucked in again.  Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice or even three times, and yeah, well, I am just a dumbass motherfucker, ain’t I?

Losingest team in baseball last year.  Once of the worst records in modern times.  So far below .500 that .300 was just a happy memory.  And there is absolutely zero fucking chance that this team of wet behind the ears newbies will even manage to get out of the gate before flopping again in an epic fashion.  They are so damn green that I can name exactly ONE player on the team, and he’s a washed up old has been pitcher.  Our manager?  He’s black.  That’s all I know about him.  Don’t even know his name.  Our new owner?  Tried to milk more money out of the fans by going all “retro” on the ugliest logo the Suckasstros ever sported.  Don’t count on seeing my bodacious tatas in a “new” jersey until I see some GOTDAMM production on the field, you sleazy, corrupt underhanded fanboy.  And where, exactly, will that production come from??  Our ENTIRE team payroll is less than A-Rod’s salary for the whole fucking year.  Yeah, boy, lots of high expectations here.

So all you Oriole fans, and you St. Looey fans and you Cubbie fans and you Bravo fans, take heed.  Hear me now and believe me later.  Don’t get sucked in.  Some team will be hoisting those trophies this year but it ain’t gonna be yours.  And shit, you Ranger fans might as well give up now – you lost to the worst fucking team in baseball last night.  How'd that Opening Day work out for ya'?

Here’s to another season of busted dreams, snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, gutwrenching losses and steaming heaps of shit dished out by overpaid prima donna athletes, all of which shall be passed off to we the gullible ticket buying public as “America’s Game”.

Play ball.

[AUJarhead]

Now it's officially baseball season.

[Snaggletiger]

The Astros looked damn good last night and those uni's were top shelf.  No reason why they shouldn't be in contention right down to the wire.  Well, maybe one reason would be there's like 50 individual players out there with a salary of more than the Astros entire payroll.  They went green this year. 

Now, for the Bravos.  They gone make me lose my cool, Upton here, Upton here. 

[Snaggletiger]

From the Braves website....the projected opening day line up against the Phillies.

1. SS: Andrelton Simmons
 2. RF: Jason Heyward
 3. LF: Justin Upton
 4. 1B: Freddie Freeman
 5. CF: B.J. Upton
 6. 2B: Dan Uggla
 7. 3B: Chris Johnson
 8. C: Gerald Laird
 9. SP: Tim Hudson

The line up looks pretty damn badass IF Chopper's brother will hit at least .250 this year. He needs to extend those short arms and he'll hit better.  Don't know squat about Chris Johnson or Gerald Laird, other then one is Mrs. Johnson's boy and the other is filling in til' McCann is ready.

Last year, Gonzales went with 5 and sometimes 6 guys as starters, especially down the stretch.  Really seemed to keep the arms fresh, which is probably pretty important for a guy like Hudson.  I would guess he'll do something similar this year. 

Hudson
Medlen
Minor
Maholm
Tehran
Is Beachey off the DL?  I haven't been following them closely this spring.  Also, did hear that Venters was seeing Dr. James Andrews this past weekend for tightness in his elbow.  Anyone heard anything on that?

Bump.  Just checked the stats.  Chopper Light batted .200 in 26 games this Spring with 25 strikeouts.  Soooo...he's got that goin' for him.

[AUTiger1]

*Sigh*  I don't know what to expect.  Very few changes to our roster. Hey, one game and that damn CC Sabastard having a bad night away from the ALCS, right?  I should be happy, but then again something tells me that since we either won big or lost big last year, lost most of the close ones that I should prepare for a shitty season.  Unless our bats are on fire all year, I don't see us having that many wins again. 

What? Here comes that feeling that is sucking me in, Buck didn't want to make many changes so maybe it's a good thing.  He knows what he is doing, right? Right?  Tell me I am right? 

3rd behind the Yank-me's and the Devil's of Tampa Bay.  I don't expect to see us in the mix again until we develop some pitching or we buy some.  Last year was lucky that some of the guys we moved from middle relief gave some good outings and the young guys that we called up gave us some good innings.  I don't see that happening again.

[bottomfeeder]

https://twitter.com/edsbs

[Buzz Killington]

I am so ready for...eh, I don't know why I even try anymore.

Go Braves.

[Snaggletiger]

*Sigh*  I don't know what to expect.  Very few changes to our roster. Hey, one game and that damn CC Sabastard having a bad night away from the ALCS, right?  I should be happy, but then again something tells me that since we either won big or lost big last year, lost most of the close ones that I should prepare for a shitty season.  Unless our bats are on fire all year, I don't see us having that many wins again. 

What? Here comes that feeling that is sucking me in, Buck didn't want to make many changes so maybe it's a good thing.  He knows what he is doing, right? Right?  Tell me I am right? 

3rd behind the Yank-me's and the Devil's of Tampa Bay.  I don't expect to see us in the mix again until we develop some pitching or we buy some.  Last year was lucky that some of the guys we moved from middle relief gave some good outings and the young guys that we called up gave us some good innings.  I don't see that happening again.

Most of the prognosticator-inators have TB winning that division with Toronto a close second.  I think you can throw a hat over the Yank-Me's, Sahchs and Glory-Holes.  The Yank-Me's are old and half the team is injured.  The RS are just meh and I still don't recognize a soul on the Orioles roster.  Didn't they go from 90+ losses to 90+ wins in one season? 

[Buzz Killington]

Suminabech!  Smarkymarkandthefunkybunchza gives the no-names 8 shutout innings and a chance to beat the Pirrrrrrrrates, and Marmol comes in to fuck things up.  Again.  God, I hate baseball.

[Snaggletiger]

Suminabech!  Smarkymarkandthefunkybunchza gives the no-names 8 shutout innings and a chance to beat the Pirrrrrrrrates, and Marmol comes in to fuck things up.  Again.  God, I hate baseball.

Auburn > Cubs

[Buzz Killington]

Auburn > Cubs

I'm not sure what to say...that makes me feel worse on both counts.

[Buzz Killington]

Thank Heysus for Kujiya Fukijawa...saved the game for Marmol Martin.  Three pitchers in the 9th inning...


1-0 bitch!

[dallaswareagle]

The Rangers   Ron Washington= Gene Chizik. I haven't been to a Ranger game in over 5 years. Got a double AA and independent league team in the area, which makes for better baseball and more importantly cheaper beer.

[Snaggletiger]

Red Sox slapping around the Yank-Me's 7-2 in the 9th in teh Bronx.  Been a bandwagon Sox fan for a while. First, needed an AL team to root for but more importantly, I needed to pull against the Yankees and their $800 skwazillion payroll. The arch rival Sox were just the ticket.  Plus, Fenway Pahk is on my bucket list to watch a game at.  Where Nomah used to crush em' wicked fah.

[Snaggletiger]

Thank Heysus for Kujiya Fukijawa...saved the game for Marmol Martin.  Three pitchers in the 9th inning...


1-0 bitch!

8-2 Sox now.  The score I saw was 3-1 Cubbies in the 9th.  Was that it?  Who came through for the baby bears?

[Buzz Killington]

8-2 Sox now.  The score I saw was 3-1 Cubbies in the 9th.  Was that it?  Who came through for the baby bears?

Ima call him Kujo!

At least we are better than the Pirates.

[Snaggletiger]

Check this out.  The opening day line up for the NY Yankees

Gardner

Nunez

Cano

Youkalis

V. Wells

Francisco

Suzuki

Nix

Overbay

What a difference a year makes.  No Jeter, A-Rod, Texiera etc.  I hope they lose 100.

[AUJarhead]

Laird was a backup to Molina in St Louis in 2011.  He was decent, but everytime I saw him, I wished Molina were playing.

[ssgaufan]

Add the Bravos to the list of 1-0 teams.  Although, I did think they were going to give it away in the 8th.  What the heck happened to Ross?  He was a solid backup catcher and was pretty good with the bat too.

[bottomfeeder]

Chicago WS beat KC 1-0.