Special Olympics

[Snaggletiger]

Buzz was talking about mini-buzz and his Saturday basketball games.  Last night was, thankfully, the next to the last game for the team I coach.  Church league 11-12 year olds.  I normally coach anything mini-snags wants to play and this year was no exception.  Unfortunately, at least 5 of the 7 kids on the team are mildly reatrded. 7 kids is the first problem.  We had 21 kids sign up at our church and in the directors wisdom, he decided it best to have 3 teams.  We have only had 2 games where all 7 showed up and it's usually just 5.  We also are yet to play a team besides the other 2 teams from our church that have had less than 10 kids.  And not only are they all loaded with talented players, it's pretty obvious they're taking this thing a lot more serious than we are.

These are 11-12 year olds.  It's church league.  We're supposed to get 1 hour of practice a week.  These other teams are coming out running several set plays, pressing man to man full court, running fast breaks like the old Lakers with Magic Johnson.  The coaches are hollering at their players and arguing with the refs while they're up by 20 like it's the 7th game of the NBA finals.  Moms and dads are filming the games and hollering at the refs when little Justin is called for traveling.

We're 1-5

While the other teams are clicking like a well-oiled machine, I have my one reserve player sitting behind me on the bench...

Hey Coach

Not now Ryan.  Teddy...you need to go down low..

Hey Coach

Hang on Ryan.  Colby...you've got to box him out when the shot goes up.

Hey Coach

Just a second Ryan...Henderson, you've got to get a hand in his face

Hey Coach

What is it Ryan?

I smell popcorn

 

Last week, I'm telling one of our "big men" (5' 190 pound cupcake) for the 27th time to do something under the basket besides stand there and watch everyone else rebound and put shot after shot back up.  Nope...the kid literally walks off the court and waits for them to score so he can throw the ball in.  I can't pull him.  We only have 5.

So last night, we're getting pounded again.  One kid for the other team hits 3 straight long range 3-pointers.  Nothing but nylon.  Son-of-a.....  I call time out.  We go man-to-man.  Seems to work. Now we're competing better.  They only score 6 points over the next 2 quarters.  At one point, we're shooting free throws.  I've been yelling to Andrew to find his man on defense.  He looks lost.  During the free throws, he walks over to me.

Coach

What is it?

My man's on the bench.

He's what?

The guy I'm guarding....he's sitting over there.

We're 1-5

[AU_Tiger_2000]

How in the hell did we ever win one?



I started playing basketball in 7th grade for the jr. high team.  I think my eighth grade year we went something like 3-15.  We had games where we only scored in the 20's, and we only had one mildly retarded kid on the team (and just to cut off the obvious jokes, no it wasn't me).

[Buzz Killington]

You had me rolling, Snaggs...

We are 1-4, but the only difference is that our Church decided that 2 teams would be fine with 24 kids that signed up.  To add to that, our "draft" was done at the foosball table in the game room...simply looking at the signup sheets of the kids.  Neither of us knew too much I didn't know too much about the kids, so our team has 9 guards (2 of which could possibly play point guard anywhere else), 2 small forwards and one true big kid.  The other team has 8 kids that could be starting at power forward on the local High School team and 4 pure guards that could play either spot.  Yeah...I'm asking for tryouts next year.

We have only practiced 2 plays.  TWO!
Yet, I have one kid that every time I go to put him in the game, looks up at me and asks "coach what do I do, where do I stand?"  I just tell him to stand under the basket and hope the ball comes to him.

Try subbing in a full second team every quarter and still have a couple of kids ask when they are gonna go in...

[bottomfeeder]

Last week, I'm telling one of our "big men" (5' 190 pound cupcake) for the 27th time to do something under the basket besides stand there and watch everyone else rebound and put shot after shot back up.  Nope...the kid literally walks off the court and waits for them to score so he can throw the ball in.  I can't pull him.  We only have 5.

I assistant coached church league basketball too, in 1980-81. Of course my little brother was on the 1st team (now AU grad mech engineer) and we had two teams in one. Rehtards on one and players on the other. I coached the rehtards (second team) and the head coach had the 1st team. You should just concentrate of the four you have in half court and make cupcake run suicide lines the entire time.

Buzz was talking about mini-buzz and his Saturday basketball games.  Last night was, thankfully, the next to the last game for the team I coach.  Church league 11-12 year olds.  I normally coach anything mini-snags wants to play and this year was no exception.  Unfortunately, at least 5 of the 7 kids on the team are mildly reatrded. 7 kids is the first problem.  We had 21 kids sign up at our church and in the directors wisdom, he decided it best to have 3 teams.  We have only had 2 games where all 7 showed up and it's usually just 5.  We also are yet to play a team besides the other 2 teams from our church that have had less than 10 kids.  And not only are they all loaded with talented players, it's pretty obvious they're taking this thing a lot more serious than we are.

These are 11-12 year olds.  It's church league.  We're supposed to get 1 hour of practice a week.  These other teams are coming out running several set plays, pressing man to man full court, running fast breaks like the old Lakers with Magic Johnson.  The coaches are hollering at their players and arguing with the refs while they're up by 20 like it's the 7th game of the NBA finals.  Moms and dads are filming the games and hollering at the refs when little Justin is called for traveling.

We're 1-5

While the other teams are clicking like a well-oiled machine, I have my one reserve player sitting behind me on the bench...

Hey Coach

Not now Ryan.  Teddy...you need to go down low..

Hey Coach

Hang on Ryan.  Colby...you've got to box him out when the shot goes up.

Hey Coach

Just a second Ryan...Henderson, you've got to get a hand in his face

Hey Coach

What is it Ryan?

I smell popcorn

 

 At one point, we're shooting free throws.  I've been yelling to Andrew to find his man on defense.  He looks lost.  During the free throws, he walks over to me.

Coach

What is it?

My man's on the bench.

He's what?

The guy I'm guarding....he's sitting over there.

We're 1-5

 

[Snaggletiger]

One kid had a question at practice last week.  He grabbed a ball and demonstrated.

Coach...if I dribble like this....and then take 2 steps...and then dribble again.  Is that a foul?

Yes Ryan.  That's your 5th foul.  Now go sit down over there.

[bottomfeeder]

One kid had a question at practice last week.  He grabbed a ball and demonstrated.

Coach...if I dribble like this....and then take 2 steps...and then dribble again.  Is that a foul?

Yes Ryan.  That's your 5th foul.  Now go sit down over there.

Foul, double dribble...just fucking sit down kid.

[Tarheel]

Buzz was talking about mini-buzz and his Saturday basketball games.  Last night was, thankfully, the next to the last game for the team I coach....

One kid had a question at practice last week.  He grabbed a ball and demonstrated.

Coach...if I dribble like this....and then take 2 steps...and then dribble again.  Is that a foul?

Yes Ryan.  That's your 5th foul.  Now go sit down over there.

You're doing Yeoman's work there Snags.

I absolutely would never have that kind of patience...

[War Eagle!!!]

I am a first year coach for 3rd grade rec basketball this year.

So there are try-outs, consisting of dribbling to the basket, shooting 2 layups and one free throw, passing to someone, receiving a pass and shooting another layup. It lasts for 20 seconds for 1 kid. There are fucking 140 players. Needless to say, I am at a big time disadvantage since a lot of these kids have played for several years and these coaches have watched them play for several years and know a lot about these kids. I am standing listening to the other coaches joke around about this kid and that kid.

So, we are able to freeze up to 3 kids on your team. That is one strike against me because i don't know any of these little shits. So I keep my kid, who is one of the worst on the team. Yeah...that is strike 2.

So come draft day, I have my list and since I have frozen my allstar, I get a 2nd and third round pick before a lot of other teams get any of their picks. The bad news, is I have to pick these kids based on the 20 seconds I saw them run. So, I am feeling pretty good about my first 2 picks...I get my highest ranking guys. haha...suckers is what I think...And now its everyone's time to pick. And I get my 3rd ranked guy, and 4th ranked guy, and 8th ranked guy, and 12th ranked guy. Why the fuck is everyone picking guys that I have rated in the 50's??? Yeah...Strike 3...

So, we have 1 hours to practice before our first game. One. Hour. And we are playing the team that won it all last year. For the first, and only hour, I have to practice, I have to figure out who is going to play where and set up a defense.

Game time Saturday. They fucking half court trap us. My guys freeze up like hell and can't get it past the time line even close to the basket. I call a time out and try and let the guys know how to break it, but Academy was sold out of the clip boards that have the basketball court on them, and that's hard as shit to do without actually showing them where to be during a timeout.

At the end of the first quarter, we were down 14-0. At the break, I went out on the floor and showed them where to go...physically each one. We finally break the press several times and they have to fall back in zone. We played them decent from there on out. Only losing 28-12. They beat a team in week 2 42-0. I shit you not...

Second game, played the other team in finals. We lost 21-14, but we played decent. Next game, we lost 12-10 and should have won. I think we shot the ball probably 25 times to the other teams maybe 10. Seriously. And they were good shots, just nothing fell.

So this week...I put in a full court trap press in my hour. We can full court press in the 4th quarter, and I plan on doing it no matter what. We have a tournament at the end of the year and I think we can still make a run. I am a damn good coach you know. Despite the 0-3 record...

[Snaggletiger]

You're doing Yeoman's work there Snags.

I absolutely would never have that kind of patience...

In all seriousness, I knew what I had immediately at the first practice.  Ours was just like Buzz' draft.  I knew a couple of the kids but really knew nothing about their athletic ability.  I found out.  Mini-Snags is admittedley right there with the special kids.  Tall and lanky but he's like a doberman puppy. Long legs and big ole paws but he just hasn't really grown into that body yet.

Last night, we had our full compliment of 7 and late in the game, Mini and another kid were sitting in the 4th quarter.  Figured I'd get em' back in to finish it with about 3-4 minutes left.  Walked over there and they were trading stories about some X-PlayStation-DS-Atari-Apple game where the Dark Lord of the Underworld changes into a raven and transports himself to the 2nd level of the 4th plateau of.......

Decided I didn't need to interrupt their train of thought. They seemed much happier there.

[bottomfeeder]

I think we can still make a run. I am a damn good coach you know. Despite the 0-3 record...

Didn't AU have a coach that said something along the lines of "we had a great hour week of practice"?

[Ogre]

I am a damn good coach you know. Despite the 0-3 record...

Even Gene Chizik never started a season 0-3.  Just sayin'. 

[Snaggletiger]

I am a first year coach for 3rd grade rec basketball this year.

So there are try-outs, consisting of dribbling to the basket, shooting 2 layups and one free throw, passing to someone, receiving a pass and shooting another layup. It lasts for 20 seconds for 1 kid. There are fucking 140 players. Needless to say, I am at a big time disadvantage since a lot of these kids have played for several years and these coaches have watched them play for several years and know a lot about these kids. I am standing listening to the other coaches joke around about this kid and that kid.

So, we are able to freeze up to 3 kids on your team. That is one strike against me because i don't know any of these little shits. So I keep my kid, who is one of the worst on the team. Yeah...that is strike 2.

So come draft day, I have my list and since I have frozen my allstar, I get a 2nd and third round pick before a lot of other teams get any of their picks. The bad news, is I have to pick these kids based on the 20 seconds I saw them run. So, I am feeling pretty good about my first 2 picks...I get my highest ranking guys. haha...suckers is what I think...And now its everyone's time to pick. And I get my 3rd ranked guy, and 4th ranked guy, and 8th ranked guy, and 12th ranked guy. Why the fuck is everyone picking guys that I have rated in the 50's??? Yeah...Strike 3...

So, we have 1 hours to practice before our first game. One. Hour. And we are playing the team that won it all last year. For the first, and only hour, I have to practice, I have to figure out who is going to play where and set up a defense.

Game time Saturday. They fucking half court trap us. My guys freeze up like hell and can't get it past the time line even close to the basket. I call a time out and try and let the guys know how to break it, but Academy was sold out of the clip boards that have the basketball court on them, and that's hard as shit to do without actually showing them where to be during a timeout.

At the end of the first quarter, we were down 14-0. At the break, I went out on the floor and showed them where to go...physically each one. We finally break the press several times and they have to fall back in zone. We played them decent from there on out. Only losing 28-12. They beat a team in week 2 42-0. I shit you not...

Second game, played the other team in finals. We lost 21-14, but we played decent. Next game, we lost 12-10 and should have won. I think we shot the ball probably 25 times to the other teams maybe 10. Seriously. And they were good shots, just nothing fell.

So this week...I put in a full court trap press in my hour. We can full court press in the 4th quarter, and I plan on doing it no matter what. We have a tournament at the end of the year and I think we can still make a run. I am a damn good coach you know. Despite the 0-3 record...

Scoring that many points with 3rd graders is a damn good feat in itself. 

I have one kid who is a pretty good player.  Scores 97.5% of our points. But I have to say, there's one other kid that makes it worth while.  He comes from a family with 10 kids...all extremely athletic.  He apparently was deprived of the skill gene but he goes 110% at all times and tries to get better every practice, every game.  You tell him to do something one time and while he may not be able to carry it out perfectly, he's doing exactly what you tell him.  And the best part, he's really gotten better since we started. A lot better.  Scored 6 points last week. 

[War Eagle!!!]

Scoring that many points with 3rd graders is a damn good feat in itself. 

I have one kid who is a pretty good player.  Scores 97.5% of our points. But I have to say, there's one other kid that makes it worth while.  He comes from a family with 10 kids...all extremely athletic.  He apparently was deprived of the skill gene but he goes 110% at all times and tries to get better every practice, every game.  You tell him to do something one time and while he may not be able to carry it out perfectly, he's doing exactly what you tell him.  And the best part, he's really gotten better since we started. A lot better.  Scored 6 points last week.

Oh yeah...it's worth it. They are fun to coach. There is only 1 kid on my team of 9 I really don't like. He doesn't think he has to do shit I ask him to.

Even my son, who has never played before is getting better. He is playing in 2 leagues; the one I coach and an upward league since my bitch ex-wife got mad when I put him in basketball where I was coach so she decided it was best to let him play near her too...

But anyway, the 2 leagues are vastly different. Ours is ultra competitive while the church one is not. In the upward league, they still wear colored wristbands to let you know who you guard and play on an 8' goal. That is just a little different than the shit we do. He scored 6 points last game in the church league and he got wide ass open for a 6' shot in my league but he just missed it.

It is great watching the kids that don't score much score. They still jump up and down while I am yelling...GET BACK ON DEFENSE!!!!!!!!

[Buzz Killington]

Even Gene Chizik never started a season 0-3.  Just sayin'.

Hussel.  Strong.

[War Eagle!!!]

Hussel.  Strong.

Fuck you Bieber-boy...

[dallaswareagle]

Even Gene Chizik never started a season 0-3.  Just sayin'.

He is prolly not done coaching, so give it some time.

[Buzz Killington]

Fuck you Bieber-boy...

With that attitude, it's no wonder you are 0-3.

[wesfau2]

3rd grade bball?  Do the kids even understand the game?

I see the possibility of coaching/mentoring the kids, but this is a pretty complicated game (if you're running traps/press/etc) and I hope that you guys are (and it seems  that you are) treating the kids age/skill appropriately.

Actually, it's not you coaches I worry about (having met most of you), it the stupid fucking hyper-competitive parents.  I hereby offer my services to bitch-slap/taze uber-aggressive parents.

[DnATL]

Actually, it's not you coaches I worry about (having met most of you), it the stupid fucking hyper-competitive parents.  I hereby offer my services to bitch-slap/taze uber-aggressive parents.

With the 9-year-old kids, is it more the mid-30s to early 40s milfs that you're interested in calming?
(if the kids have big sisters you know sani is game for a double date)

[WiregrassTiger]

No matter how it is spun, 1-5 always comes down to coaching. Didn't read all of your post but have you thought about confronting the coach on his lack of coaching ability/knowledge/interest? These kids deserve better. Give him a swift kick in the ass.