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Grandma, would you please take the stand?

bottomfeeder

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Grandma, would you please take the stand?
« on: January 07, 2013, 02:49:42 PM »
Quote
Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'

She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,

'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'
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Godfather

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Re: Grandma, would you please take the stand?
« Reply #1 on: January 07, 2013, 02:53:58 PM »
Isn't that the same "woman" from your avatar only with a darker wig?
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JR4AU

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Re: Grandma, would you please take the stand?
« Reply #2 on: January 07, 2013, 02:55:41 PM »
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Saniflush

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Re: Grandma, would you please take the stand?
« Reply #3 on: January 07, 2013, 03:04:29 PM »
Isn't that the same "woman" from your avatar only with a darker wig?

BOOM!
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"Hey my friends are the ones that wanted to eat at that shitty hole in the wall that only served bread and wine.  What kind of brick and mud business model is that.  Stick to the cart if that's all you're going to serve.  Then that dude came in with like 12 other people, and some of them weren't even wearing shoes, and the restaurant sat them right across from us. It was gross, and they were all stinky and dirty.  Then dude starts talking about eating his body and drinking his blood...I almost lost it.  That's the last supper I'll ever have there, and I hope he dies a horrible death."

Snaggletiger

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Re: Grandma, would you please take the stand?
« Reply #4 on: January 07, 2013, 03:04:47 PM »
Germans, Pearl Harbor, etc. etc.

Wright Brothers. Kitty Hawk, etc. etc.
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Tiger Wench

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Re: Grandma, would you please take the stand?
« Reply #5 on: January 07, 2013, 03:07:11 PM »
Wright Brothers. Kitty Hawk, etc. etc.

Come on, now.  Cut bottomlicker some slack.  Y'all know that electroshock therapy fucks up short term memory.  I'd tell you to ask him, but... well, you know...
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Buzz Killington

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Re: Grandma, would you please take the stand?
« Reply #6 on: January 07, 2013, 03:33:55 PM »
Wright Brothers. Kitty Hawk, etc. etc.

Doubleday.  Balls, diamonds, etc. etc.
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Now I may be an idiot, but there is one thing I am not, sir, and that, sir, is an idiot.

War Eagle!!!

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Re: Grandma, would you please take the stand?
« Reply #7 on: January 08, 2013, 10:11:18 AM »


O.M.G. That is hilarious!!!

Link? I have got to read that story!
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bottomfeeder

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« Last Edit: January 08, 2013, 12:55:08 PM by bottomfeeder »
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Vandy Vol

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