Speaking of the fap fap, I grew up next to a family that had 4 kids, 2 of which were brothers right around my age. These folks were the Klumps. Never a dull moment. If I was bored on a summer afternoon, I'd go over there just to sit and watch for entertainment. I'd walk in...dad (Who looked like Mr. Spacely of Spacely's Sprockets) would say, "What the hell do you want? Don't expect me to feed you." Great. How are you, Mr. Dunbar?
Anyway, one day I'm sitting there watching all the commotion when big ole Mama Dunbar comes storming into the den with some laundry. ""David, what the hell is this? You sick bastard, why would you do this?"
Long story short, he was wacking off into his socks. He'd sock up and fap. I laffed my ass off.