23 Adult truths

[dallaswareagle]

1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was a kid.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Google Maps really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my own neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. I never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when I know that I'm just not going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer the damn call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.

17. I wish Garmin had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand shit they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent some asshole from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

23. The first testicular guard, "The Cup" was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

[Godfather]

Fuck those are good.

 

[AUTiger1]

1, 3, 11, 14 & 20 happen more often that not.

[GH2001]

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was a kid.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

7. Google Maps really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my own neighborhood.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. I never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when I know that I'm just not going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

17. I wish Garmin had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

My personal favs.

Although ALL were great.

[dallaswareagle]

My personal favs.

Although ALL were great.

But were they keen?

Think I am gonna try this one tonight-Tomorrow and Sat:

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.

[Tarheel]

1, 3, 11, 14 & 20 happen more often that not.

Yep, same for me plus 4, 9, and 13.

[Kaos]

Where's the fart surprise one? 

You know, you're afraid to cut loose with a moose fart because it might be followed by a geyser...

[chityeah]

Where's the fart surprise one? 

You know, you're afraid to cut loose with a moose fart because it might be followed by a geyser...

I sharted

[AUTiger1]

Yep, same for me plus 4, 9, and 13.

13 actually happened to me today when I opened up a document that I was proofing.  3 or 4 days worth of work, I actually panicked for a split second.

[Tiger Wench]

I cannot remember the last time I was not tired or achy in some part of my body.  I am tired all the gorram time.  I could sleep for two days and wake up ready for a nap.  Mainly because Thing 1 and Thing 2 would pretty much conspire to make sure that two days was full of constant interruptions.

Fitted sheets are the instrument of the devil.  All those housewife bitches who snap and kill their husbands with a frozen leg of lamb probably spent the morning doing laundry and trying to fold a gorram fitted sheet.

The answer for how many times you say "What?" is five.  By then he is yelling so loudly at me that I get every word.  I have low register hearing loss in my left ear, yet he mumbles with his back turned, and the gets pissy as hell because I cannot hear him. Like I do this on purpose??  I CANNOT FUCKING HEAR YOU, remember, just like those last five hundred seventy three times?  That will be the frozen leg of lamb moment in our house one day - ("What??!!"  BOOM!!!!) because I do not even attempt to fold a gorram fitted sheet.

[WiregrassTiger]

I cry plagiarism. Dallaswareagle ain't smart enough to have given birth to these. Although, I admittedly did have to look up how to spell plagiarism and there is no need for the i.

[GH2001]

I cry plagiarism. Dallaswareagle ain't smart enough to have given birth to these. Although, I admittedly did have to look up how to spell plagiarism and there is no need for the i.

Did he claim he did?

[dallaswareagle]

Did he claim he did?

Control C    Control P

[Vandy Vol]

Control C    Control P

You copied something off of the internet and then printed it with a keen printer?