(This is NOT for the guys like Token and my buddy Rouse who are fun to be around. Not all of you are like what I'm about to describe. There's a small minority of you who know how to enjoy it, talk a little fun trash, and don't live and die with the Tide's every move. I feel sorry for you and wish you well. )
I've read on more than one board and heard on more than one radio station how the Alabama nation feels like the rest of the world hates them because they won.
Well, let me clear that up for you all right now.
To paraphrase the girl from "The Social Network" movie: 'Bama nation you are going to go through your life thinking others don’t like you because you are winners. But I want you to know from the very bottom of my heart that it won’t be because of that. It’s because you are a bunch of assholes.
You are assholes when you win. It's not because you win though; it's how you act when you do win. You sing that "beat the hell out of you" shit to the top of your Marlboro stained lungs. You tattoo your famous past on your back. You wear houndstooth as if you invented the pattern. You make a "championship" out of signing day t-shirts and all. Speaking of t-shirts, they all not only proclaim your achievements, but downplay the achievements of others. You are the worst winners in the history of winning. It's not enough to win. No, you have to grind people's face in the dirt about it. Your fanbase is the very definition of pathological narcissism. You are assholes when you win.
You are assholes when you lose. One need to look no further than your celebrated hero Harvey Updyke who admitted he just couldn't take seeing another team (in that case Auburn) win over his beloved Tide. So he took matters in his own hands and exacted justice for the Tide nation. Nevermind that it was illegal. Nevermind that it was extremely dangerous. Nevermind it was completely unwarranted. He's not the only example though. When Alabama does lose a game, read your own messages and threads. "The refs cheated." "Time just ran out." "We must write the SEC office and complain." Your fans never take a loss in stride. You are assholes when you lose.
So the next time you feel persecuted, picked on, or singled out, take a long look in the mirror and answer this question: "Is it because I root for the team that won or is it because I'm asshole about it all no matter what?"
Peace.
- J. Newcastle