Dear Coach Leach -
The most important hire of your new position will be defensive coordinator. May I present for your consideration Terrence Edwin Roof, Jr.
Mr. Roof is currently the defensive coordinator at Auburn University where he helped guide the Auburn Tigers to the 2010 NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP.
Under his watch, Auburn's Nick Fairley was the recipient of the LOMBARDI AWARD.
He has coached three years in the SEC and matched wits with some of the nation's best college football teams and coaches including two likely national champions as well as Bobby Fucking Petrino.
He has worked alongside offensive coordinator Gus Malzahn and understands how to tailor a defense to match a fast-paced offense.
Roof inherently understands that sometimes you want the opposing offense to drive the field on you and score while others you just want it to score right away so you can get your offense back out on the field sooner.
Roof has also coached at dismal places like Minnesota, Duke, Western Carolina and Louisville so it won't be difficult for him to adjust to Wahzoo Washington.
Roof's record as head coach is 6-45. That's worse than 5-19. He won't be a threat to leave your staff to be a head coach anywhere. He won't threaten you for the position.
Roof also looks like a heavier Steve Martin and could entertain the team by doing arrow through the head tricks and singing the King Tut song.
Please give Mr. Roof your full consideration.
Sincerely,
Auburn