life's irritations

[chinook]

names have been changed to protect the innocent.  emoticons are for pale rider.

i was tired.  i went to bed at 8:30.  i know...i know...fricking looser.  big brother 13 would have to wait until tomorrow.  anyhoo...aubie, the golden retriever, curls up next to the bed and quickly fades to doggy sleep.  i'm out  quickly too dreaming of  .  well, i wake from a barking dog.  i realize aubie isn't in the room.  it's my dog that is barking.   within moments the skirt comes in to the bedroom,  "can you help get the dog inside?"  yes and it's 10:00 p.m. 

i go to the backdoor and get a wiff of skunk.  i look out and the dog has a fucking skunk cornered.  i call the dog...he comes quickly.  wagging his tail, panting and all the good thing dogs do when happy...like getting fisted by  .  he reeks.   i tell him to lay and stay.  he does.  i make my way to the kennel and call him to the kennel.  he does.

the skunk is trying to find a way out of the fenced yard.  by this time my neighbor comes over and ask what's going on...his dog his barking too.  i say, aubie has been sprayed.  can i help?  sure.  we go to the back yard and search for the skunk.  it isn't around.  we did find a opening that we assume the skunk entered and exited.

well, i fucking head to the grocery store for doggy shampoo made for skunk detoxification.  they don't have that type.  so, i buy regular dog shampoo, tomato juice and some other home remedies recommended from teh ebays.

it's 11:00.  the neighbor and i  washed the dog.  tomato juiced the motherfucker.  bloody mary anyone?  washed him again.  it's 12:30 a.m.  i figured it would be safe to but him in the kennel.  he still reeks.

unfortunately, the kennel runs along side our bedroom.  i don't get back to sleep.  he's clawing the chain link gate...etc.   at 2, i hear aubie growling and barking.  i jump up to open the blinds.  the skunk is in the fucking kennel with dog.  i get the dog out of the kennel and put him in the garage.  it doesn't appear he got sprayed but still stinks to high heaven.

my alarm is set for 5 a.m.

 

[Jumbo]

names have been changed to protect the innocent.  emoticons are for pale rider.

i was tired.  i went to bed at 8:30.  i know...i know...fricking looser.  big brother 13 would have to wait until tomorrow.  anyhoo...aubie, the golden retriever, curls up next to the bed and quickly fades to doggy sleep.  i'm out  quickly too dreaming of  .  well, i wake from a barking dog.  i realize aubie isn't in the room.  it's my dog that is barking.   within moments the skirt comes in to the bedroom,  "can you help get the dog inside?"  yes and it's 10:00 p.m. 

i go to the backdoor and get a wiff of skunk.  i look out and the dog has a fucking skunk cornered.  i call the dog...he comes quickly.  wagging his tail, panting and all the good thing dogs do when happy...like getting fisted by  .  he reeks.   i tell him to lay and stay.  he does.  i make my way to the kennel and call him to the kennel.  he does.

the skunk is trying to find a way out of the fenced yard.  by this time my neighbor comes over and ask what's going on...his dog his barking too.  i say, aubie has been sprayed.  can i help?  sure.  we go to the back yard and search for the skunk.  it isn't around.  we did find a opening that we assume the skunk entered and exited.

well, i fucking head to the grocery store for doggy shampoo made for skunk detoxification.  they don't have that type.  so, i buy regular dog shampoo, tomato juice and some other home remedies recommended from teh ebays.

it's 11:00.  the neighbor and i  washed the dog.  tomato juiced the motherfucker.  bloody mary anyone?  washed him again.  it's 12:30 a.m.  i figured it would be safe to but him in the kennel.  he still reeks.

unfortunately, the kennel runs along side our bedroom.  i don't get back to sleep.  he's clawing the chain link gate...etc.   at 2, i hear aubie growling and barking.  i jump up to open the blinds.  the skunk is in the fucking kennel with dog.  i get the dog out of the kennel and put him in the garage.  it doesn't appear he got sprayed but still stinks to high heaven.

my alarm is set for 5 a.m.

 

That stinks.

[Snaggletiger]

Fortunately, I've never had any run ins with those stinky critters.  Our problems have been with possums and racoons because we have 2 outside cats and their food stays out in the garage.  We have woods next door to us and occasionally, they'll sniff out the food and come in the garage.  The racoons, I'll catch after a night or two with a trap but the possums just by pass it and come right on in. 

There was one possum in particular that was giving us fits for a couple of weeks.  They don't just eat the food, they also bathe their nasty asses in the water.  I would open the door sometimes and happen to catch this guy in there and he would scamper off but each time, he'd take his time more and more as if he was daring me to do something.  Well, one night, he stood his ground.

I came out and this smelly varmint is at the foot of the stairs between the stairs and wall and he ain't moving.  It's a stare down at first as I think...get my .38 and pop a cap in his azz?  Then, I think better of that as I envision a bullet ricocheting around the garage and winding up in my ass.  So, I step back inside and look quickly for some tool of destruction.  In the closet is one of those extendable paint rollers.  Long pole and heavy enough on the end.  Yep, this should do the trick.  I walk back out to the steps and the bastard is still there so I line him up and bash his head in.  Long pause as I see blood coming out of his eye...but all he does is snarl and hiss at me.

Alright fucker, time to die.  I hit him again...hsssss....again.....hssssss..again and again...by now blood is flying all over the garage floor and walls and my family is running out to see what the commotion is.  Here's dad on the steps, pummeling this filthy beast, blood everywhere and me screaming, "Die you devil possum scum".

Not only did my family think I'd lost it...the 2 stupid cats just sat up on a shelf watching calmly like they'd just polished off 3-4 bong hits.  Whoa..that was cool.   

[AUJarhead]

Alright fucker, time to die.

I always wondered whatever happened to that cat...

[GarMan]

Solution: Get a BB/pellet gun.  Shoot anything that doesn't belong on your property.  If you don't want to kill it, go for a body shot.  You'll rarely cause serious injury or bleeding, but it will be hurt enough to want to get out of there in a hurry. 

Bonus: Shoot your cats.  Seriously...  They'll keep coming back as long as you keep food in their bowl, and you can shoot them again.  It's cheap fun.

[AUTiger1]

Sounds like Nookie might be a little worn out.

Sucks man, sounds like some shit that would happen to me.

[Godfather]

my alarm is set for 5 a.m.

Shit...that's like 9am here....pussy

[Godfather]

...aubie, the golden retriever...

[chinook]

the skunk is now dead.  shot it with a .22...