I don't give a rat's ass that it would cause pain and humiliation to the opposing team - I'd do it anyway.
my first trick would guarantee us a national championship - and be so covert that enchantment wouldn't be suspected.
No, no, no, it's not gonna be that our team knows all the plays the other guys are gonna run. NO! It's not a mass case of fumbles and interceptions. No, it's not even a haze over the minds of the other team like they'd just been locked in a car with 5 Jamaicans, a pound of weed, and a water-bong.
I want the other team to fear, to tremble, to fake injury to avoid having to step foot on the killing field.... to do this, I would toy with physics.
Everytime our players touched/tackled/blocked/pushed/hit or in anyway made physical contact with an opposing player (during play), I'd want that contact to be equal to what it would be if our player was running as fast and hard as he could at the player.
so - a common block off the line of scrimmage would be like all of our linemen getting a 20 yard head of fucking steam and plowing into the defensive line!
The D-line - they would knock the o-line so far back the QB would HAVE to take snaps from shotgun.
DBs - you know that little press-man technique where you come up and bump the WR off his route? Well how about knocking him on his ass?
That little bump on a QB just as he gets a pass off? BOOM MUTHERFUCKER!
Now, don't get me wrong... I don't want to injure anybody - I just want them to wish they were injured.
yeah
what would you evil assed conjurers of doom do?