Joshua calls to help

[Kaos]

So I get a call from "Joshua" at "Computer Technical Services." 

823-865-4978

He is calling to let me know that all the Internets I have done over the last weeks has been accessed and they are calling all users of the internets with a service to help fix the problem.  OK? 

Here's and abbreviated version of how the call that lasted 12:38 went:

J: Ok, first I need you to look at your keyboard and tell me what is the key on the bottom row at the far left.
Me:  Curtle? Cartal? Cattral? Cutteral? I don't think that's English.
J: I'm sorry?
Me: Caaateeral?  Turral?  Is the 'C' silent?
J: Excuse me, can you spell this for me?
Me: C  T  R  L
J:  Yes! Yes! This is Control Key. Very good.  Ok, next to that key what do you see?
Me: Fuhhnuhh? Finnahh? Feennn? FuNAA?
J: Faaa? Fuuuhhh?  Feee?
Me: I don't think this is English either.  I never seen a word like it. 
J:  Ok, No worry. Do you have Windows Key? 
Me: No, I don't have keys on my window.  I got double locks and a security system, though.  See I got this company to come out and they put these little boxes on every window.  Whenever I open one it beeps.  Want me to do that so you can hear it?  Hang on I'll have to get up.  (Make a beeping sound)  Did you hear that? 
J: Waht?  No, not windows, windows.  on your laptop. 
Me:  OH.  Ok. Hang on.  I just thought that since this was all technical the security system would be tied in.  Let's see.  W. I. N. D. ...
J: Wait, are you typing the word?
Me: Yes. Windows. Now I got to start over. W. I. ...
J: No, No!  Look for the one key that is windows.  The square key.
Me: All the keys are square.  So W. I. N. D....
J: No!! No a key that has square on it!
Me:  Oh, hang on.  No.  I don't have one of those. I got one with four little bitty squares.  But not one square.
J: Yes!  Yes!  You find it.  Ok.  Now press that key and the R.
Me.  Click.  Wait. Click.   Nothing happened.
J:  Did you press both key at the same time?
Me:  No.  I didn't.  Should I?  Is it going to blow something up?
J: No.  It is be fine. We need to update your system.  Now press both at same time.
Me: CLICK.
J: Ok, tell me what you see, ok?
Me:  Well, I see a big picture of a gorilla.
J: What?
Me: Well, I was lookin at one of them nature shows before and..... wait...what is that?  Oh no!  There's a man underneath the gorilla.  It's RAPING HIM!!  What the HELL..  There's a caption to this picture... it says "Gorilla fucking Joshua in HELL!  WHY ARE YOU SHOWING THIS TO ME??
J: ..silence..
Me: Scam artist motherfucker. You think people are stupid? You're going to hell for....
J: Fuck you.  Click.

[Snaggletiger]

You don't have a key to get out of your windows?  What if there's a fire and you can't get to the door?

[GH2001]

Gold.

Lemme guess. Chinese? They never scam people. Ever.

[Buzz Killington]

You make me miss the emails from an asshole guy

[Kaos]

Gold.

Lemme guess. Chinese? They never scam people. Ever.

Pakis-tasian.  I Dunno.  What’s sad is that as soon as he hung up with me he was on the phone with somebody else.  Eventually he will get somebody naiive enough to believe their computer has been compromised and they’ll let his scumbag company install some virus program on their machine.

[Kaos]

You make me miss the emails from an asshole guy

I don’t harass innocents. But let me get one of these scammers (or Verizon) and i will poop on their heads.

[Kaos]

Karma?

Got a call at 7:24 from some Paki-hindi about my Best Buy credit card.  He said it was past due.  Well, bullshit.  I pay it in the store on the same day once a month.  I try to be nice for a while, but he keeps telling me I didn't make the September payment.  But I did.  Everything was fine until he says "if you just pay the bill like you suppose to, you not be get these calls." 



I wove a tapestry of obscenities that as far as I know is still hanging in space over Mobile Bay.  I could not begin to tell you what I said.  I know I referenced Shiva, cows, the plague and shitting into a hole over the river. 

At some point he yelled "pay you BILLS!"  and hung up. 

After a sufficient period of cooling off I called the credit card company.  The motherfucker changed my address, deleted all the notes associated with my account, removed my phone numbers and marked my file as do not contact. 

It's going to take me a month to get this straightened out.  In the meantime the payment I made on September 25 has been deleted from the system.  They are sorry for the inconvenience, but I can either pay it again or they'll have to report it to the credit agencies. 

Fuck them.  I'm a spiteful motherfucker.  I'm going to figure out a way to win this. 

[wesfau2]

You don't keep your receipt?

[WiregrassTiger]

Karma?

Got a call at 7:24 from some Paki-hindi about my Best Buy credit card.  He said it was past due.  Well, bullshit.  I pay it in the store on the same day once a month.  I try to be nice for a while, but he keeps telling me I didn't make the September payment.  But I did.  Everything was fine until he says "if you just pay the bill like you suppose to, you not be get these calls." 



I wove a tapestry of obscenities that as far as I know is still hanging in space over Mobile Bay.  I could not begin to tell you what I said.  I know I referenced Shiva, cows, the plague and shitting into a hole over the river. 

At some point he yelled "pay you BILLS!"  and hung up. 

After a sufficient period of cooling off I called the credit card company.  The motherfucker changed my address, deleted all the notes associated with my account, removed my phone numbers and marked my file as do not contact. 

It's going to take me a month to get this straightened out.  In the meantime the payment I made on September 25 has been deleted from the system.  They are sorry for the inconvenience, but I can either pay it again or they'll have to report it to the credit agencies. 

Fuck them.  I'm a spiteful motherfucker.  I'm going to figure out a way to win this.

I agree with the guy. If dead beats would just pay their bills, the world would be a better place.

[Kaos]

You don't keep your receipt?

When I play golf the guys I play with take my receipt away at the clubhouse. They’ve learned from experience that by the time we get to the starter there’s a distinct possibility I won’t know what I did with it. 

I have receipts from a convenience store in Colorado from 2013.  That one I can’t find.

[chinook]

Karma?

Got a call at 7:24 from some Paki-hindi about my Best Buy credit card.  He said it was past due.  Well, bullshit.  I pay it in the store on the same day once a month.  I try to be nice for a while, but he keeps telling me I didn't make the September payment.  But I did.  Everything was fine until he says "if you just pay the bill like you suppose to, you not be get these calls." 



I wove a tapestry of obscenities that as far as I know is still hanging in space over Mobile Bay.  I could not begin to tell you what I said.  I know I referenced Shiva, cows, the plague and shitting into a hole over the river. 

At some point he yelled "pay you BILLS!"  and hung up. 

After a sufficient period of cooling off I called the credit card company.  The motherfucker changed my address, deleted all the notes associated with my account, removed my phone numbers and marked my file as do not contact. 

It's going to take me a month to get this straightened out.  In the meantime the payment I made on September 25 has been deleted from the system.  They are sorry for the inconvenience, but I can either pay it again or they'll have to report it to the credit agencies. 

Fuck them.  I'm a spiteful motherfucker.  I'm going to figure out a way to win this.

more importantly why do you have a Best Buy credit card? 

[Kaos]

more importantly why do you have a Best Buy credit card?

I buy all the company stuff on it and rack up points.  I've gotten a Sonos sound system, a curved flatscreen and a bunch of other shit from them for free with the points stuff.   

I also get 12 months no interest on anything I buy.  So I occasionally get stuff for me or the girls and then pay it off over six months or less just to keep the credit juices flowing. 

I'm definitely not one to buy stuff on credit.  I normally just pay for whatever.  But you have to have credit and it's a fucked up system that requires you to buy stuff -- but not too much -- and have some balance -- but not too much -- and not close out your cards or accounts because too many closed accounts is a negative, but then again so is too many open ones.   I loathe the entire concept.  I liked it better when credit was what you had with your local banker.  You walk in, tell him what you need and he either gives you the money, gives you part of it or tells you why he can't and what you need to do so he can.  It's a fucked up system designed to screw people over now. 

[WiregrassTiger]

more importantly why do you have a Best Buy credit card?

Credit Checking policy before issuance is obviously not as stringent.

[Kaos]

Just a BestBuy update.

Three trips to the store and I finally find somebody who can look back into the history, find my payment and print me a duplicate copy of the receipt. 

What I discovered is that Best Buy doesn't even actually own the credit card.  It's with Citibank.  So what happens when you pay the card is the money goes to Best Buy and then they -- at a time they determine -- pass that along to Citi.  Apparently in cash-flow situations, Best Buy can delay that by a day or two (or more) the distribution of that cash. 

Today I finally got confirmation that the payment has been credited and an apology letter from CitiBank.