Fuck, so you don't use a real turtle? Damn I knew I was doing something wrong.
The newest BBQ fad... the "Redneck Turtle Burger". Take a burger, wrap it in bacon, stick in some hotdogs, throw it on the grill for 20-30 minutes. A little crispy, not too crunchy.
You forgot to use the word "Texas" as an adjective to describe each subject matter in your post. You're slipping. Not keen at all.