Stop me if you've heard this one before:
Shane isn't feeling well and decides to go down to the free health clinic and see the doctor.
The doctor tells him, "You've got lung cancer. I'm afraid it's terminal."
"How long do I have to live?"
The doctor replies, "Six months."
"Is there anything I can do to prolong my life? I need time to fabricate more lies for my spot on the Paul Finebaum show."
"There is one thing you can do," said the doctor.
"I'll do anything, doctor!", Shane replies.
"Great! I recommend you marry a Tennessee girl and move to Auburn."
"Are you crazy?", Shane snaps. "Why in the world would you recommend that? Don't you know who I am? I'm Shane from Centerpoint! I'm too full of bammer for that!"
Shane ponders the doctors advice for a few moments then asks, "Will this cure my cancer?"
"No, it won't cure your cancer, dumbass," said the doctor, "but the six months will seem much longer to you!"