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Almost Going Postal

Snaggletiger

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Almost Going Postal
« on: April 17, 2024, 04:27:51 PM »
Nothing came of it, but tensions were high in the Post Office today.  Went to our P.O. Box and had a notice that I had certified mail.  Hate that, because you always have to stand in a 10 deep line with one employee handling everyone’s bidnezz.  Right in front of me is a woman, all of 5’ tall and 12’ around.  She’s holding a toddler, and for 20 solid minutes, that child screamed bloody murder, without so much as a Shhhh from momma. Behind me is a man who isn’t much taller, but he’s a good 15’ feet around.

The girl at the counter is a long time employee, efficient at her job, and very pleasant to deal with.  A customer comes up and says he filled out an address change form at the other Post Office, but he hasn’t been getting mail for 2 weeks.  It’s all in pretty close proximity, so you can hear everything.  Fatty behind me, mumbles something about that being typical for the Post Office.  Made sure he was loud enough for the girl to hear.  While the two are talking, Fatty makes sure and interjects himself into the conversation with a couple of snippy comments.  She asks the guy for his ID, and leaves the counter to go check on something.

Lard Ass tells the customer very loudly, “She just walked off with your ID.  That’s illegal.  She ain’t supposed to do that.  I wouldn’t put up with it.”  Toddler is still wailing.

She comes back and tells the customer that unfortunately, he’ll need to fill out the form again as they have no record of the first one.  He’s not happy, and says something about a waste of time.  Here comes Tub-O-Goo again, and says, “Can’t you just make a copy of….” She cuts him off, points her finger at him and says, “I’m dealing with this customer right now. I’ll deal with you when it’s your turn.”

I had had my fill of Goo Boy, and turned to tell him to close his pie hole, but he had turned his back and was looking at another guy in line. Tub-O says, “That’s a public employee, and she’s being rude, and you’re laughing about it.”

The other guy, had the roles been reversed, was someone I might not have been so quick in telling him to close said pie hole.  Goo Boy? Yes.  6’3” 250 pound country boy?  Nah!  I hate totin’ ass whoopins at my age, and I believe I would have had to use a wheelbarrow to roll mine out of that one.  He told Lard Ass, “You need to shutcher damn mouth.” Fatty said something about it being a free country, to which country boy said, “Yeah, and I’m free to whip your ass if you don’t shut it.”

Lard-O starts ranting about, “I’m in public.  I’m in public.  This is a public place.” I have no idea what that meant, but country boy just said, “I’ll take your fat ass out on the sidewalk and whip it in public.”

It got real quiet right after that.  Even the toddler was like, “Yeah, I believe I might just zip it.” The girl behind the counter now had a big smile on her face.  “I can help the next person in line.”   
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My doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating.  I asked him why, and he said, "because I'm trying to examine you."

GH2001

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Re: Almost Going Postal
« Reply #1 on: April 17, 2024, 05:06:31 PM »
Ahhhh, Dothan.
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WDE

Snaggletiger

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Re: Almost Going Postal
« Reply #2 on: April 17, 2024, 05:23:41 PM »
Ahhhh, Dothan.

Ah'll whip yore ass, runner boy.
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My doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating.  I asked him why, and he said, "because I'm trying to examine you."

chinook

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Re: Almost Going Postal
« Reply #3 on: April 17, 2024, 07:17:57 PM »
that story sucked.
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WiregrassTiger

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Re: Almost Going Postal
« Reply #4 on: April 18, 2024, 04:48:32 PM »
Nothing came of it, but tensions were high in the Post Office today.  Went to our P.O. Box and had a notice that I had certified mail.  Hate that, because you always have to stand in a 10 deep line with one employee handling everyone’s bidnezz.  Right in front of me is a woman, all of 5’ tall and 12’ around.  She’s holding a toddler, and for 20 solid minutes, that child screamed bloody murder, without so much as a Shhhh from momma. Behind me is a man who isn’t much taller, but he’s a good 15’ feet around.

The girl at the counter is a long time employee, efficient at her job, and very pleasant to deal with.  A customer comes up and says he filled out an address change form at the other Post Office, but he hasn’t been getting mail for 2 weeks.  It’s all in pretty close proximity, so you can hear everything.  Fatty behind me, mumbles something about that being typical for the Post Office.  Made sure he was loud enough for the girl to hear.  While the two are talking, Fatty makes sure and interjects himself into the conversation with a couple of snippy comments.  She asks the guy for his ID, and leaves the counter to go check on something.

Lard Ass tells the customer very loudly, “She just walked off with your ID.  That’s illegal.  She ain’t supposed to do that.  I wouldn’t put up with it.”  Toddler is still wailing.

She comes back and tells the customer that unfortunately, he’ll need to fill out the form again as they have no record of the first one.  He’s not happy, and says something about a waste of time.  Here comes Tub-O-Goo again, and says, “Can’t you just make a copy of….” She cuts him off, points her finger at him and says, “I’m dealing with this customer right now. I’ll deal with you when it’s your turn.”

I had had my fill of Goo Boy, and turned to tell him to close his pie hole, but he had turned his back and was looking at another guy in line. Tub-O says, “That’s a public employee, and she’s being rude, and you’re laughing about it.”

The other guy, had the roles been reversed, was someone I might not have been so quick in telling him to close said pie hole.  Goo Boy? Yes.  6’3” 250 pound country boy?  Nah!  I hate totin’ ass whoopins at my age, and I believe I would have had to use a wheelbarrow to roll mine out of that one.  He told Lard Ass, “You need to shutcher damn mouth.” Fatty said something about it being a free country, to which country boy said, “Yeah, and I’m free to whip your ass if you don’t shut it.”

Lard-O starts ranting about, “I’m in public.  I’m in public.  This is a public place.” I have no idea what that meant, but country boy just said, “I’ll take your fat ass out on the sidewalk and whip it in public.”

It got real quiet right after that.  Even the toddler was like, “Yeah, I believe I might just zip it.” The girl behind the counter now had a big smile on her face.  “I can help the next person in line.”   
I find it ironic that you called him Lard ass.
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WiregrassTiger

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Re: Almost Going Postal
« Reply #5 on: April 18, 2024, 04:57:40 PM »
But I am glad that you didn’t get your ass beat at the post office.
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Snaggletiger

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Re: Almost Going Postal
« Reply #6 on: April 18, 2024, 05:32:37 PM »
I find it ironic that you called him Lard ass.

I identify as Captain Lard Ass.
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My doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating.  I asked him why, and he said, "because I'm trying to examine you."

wesfau2

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Re: Almost Going Postal
« Reply #7 on: April 18, 2024, 06:56:45 PM »
I identify as Captain Lard Ass.

Boom-baba-boom-baba...

Happy to have young master Davie Hogan with us, folks.
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You can keep a wooden stake in your trunk
On the off-chance that the fairy tales ain't bunk
And Imma keep a bottle of that funk
To get motel parking lot, balcony crunk.

Kaos

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Re: Almost Going Postal
« Reply #8 on: April 18, 2024, 08:12:34 PM »
That was a very kaos-esque encounter. 

Bravo.  Enjoyed your find wordsmithing.
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If you want free cheese, look in a mousetrap.

CCTAU

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Re: Almost Going Postal
« Reply #9 on: April 20, 2024, 01:06:51 AM »
That was a very kaos-esque encounter. 

Bravo.  Enjoyed your find wordsmithing.

Like a brief…that wasn’t brief enough…
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Five statements of WISDOM
1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity, by legislating the wealth out of prosperity.
2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.
3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.
4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it.
5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friends, is the beginning of the end of any nation.

Re: Almost Going Postal
« Reply #10 on: April 20, 2024, 06:38:07 AM »
Like a brief…that wasn’t brief enough…

You’re on a roll.
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Don't rush me, sonny. You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.