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The Library => Haley Center Basement => Topic started by: Ogre on June 25, 2009, 05:51:36 PM

Title: Somewhere, Macaulay Culkin is crying.
Post by: Ogre on June 25, 2009, 05:51:36 PM
Michael Jackson has passed away.

Quote
Michael Jackson Dies
Posted Jun 25th 2009 5:20PM by TMZ Staff
We've just learned Michael Jackson has died. He was 50.

Michael suffered a cardiac arrest earlier this afternoon and paramedics were unable to revive him. We're told when paramedics arrived Jackson had no pulse and they never got a pulse back.

Michael is survived by three children: Michael Joseph Jackson, Jr., Paris Michael Katherine Jackson and Prince "Blanket" Michael Jackson II.

Jackson had 13 number one hits during his solo career.

Story developing...
Title: Re: Somewhere, Macaulay Culkin is crying.
Post by: Tarheel on June 25, 2009, 06:01:28 PM
Michael Jackson has passed away.



Well...that was the third death...if you can trust "TMZ" as a source:

http://www.tmz.com/2009/06/25/michael-jackson-dies-death-dead-cardiac-arrest/ (http://www.tmz.com/2009/06/25/michael-jackson-dies-death-dead-cardiac-arrest/)

http://www.tigersx.com/forum/index.php?topic=5977.0 (http://www.tigersx.com/forum/index.php?topic=5977.0)



What the hell am I doing keeping up with fucking celebrity news anyway?
Title: Re: Somewhere, Macaulay Culkin is crying.
Post by: Ogre on June 25, 2009, 06:06:25 PM
Good point.  It's being reported on CNN and other websites that he was rushed to the hospital, but no word on his condition.  TMZ is the only one reporting that he's dead.  We'll all know in a matter of hours.
Title: Re: Somewhere, Macaulay Culkin is crying.
Post by: Kaos on June 25, 2009, 06:22:49 PM
Good point.  It's being reported on CNN and other websites that he was rushed to the hospital, but no word on his condition.  TMZ is the only one reporting that he's dead.  We'll all know in a matter of hours.

TMZ is out on the Prowler limb. 
Title: Re: Somewhere, Macaulay Culkin is crying.
Post by: AUChizad on June 25, 2009, 06:33:56 PM
TMZ is out on the Prowler limb. 
They did report that Tupac is alive.

But I believe that.
Title: Re: Somewhere, Macaulay Culkin is crying.
Post by: Kaos on June 25, 2009, 06:41:57 PM
They did report that Tupac is alive.

But I believe that.

Tupac is alive.  He's got a robot body. 

Mike, though?  Seems like he's dead.  Like dead, man. Not Paul is dead dead, but like Elvis dead.  No, that's not right.  Elvis lives on that island with Bear Bryant and John Kennedy.  They play golf every day.  Mikey's dead like Hitler dead.  Oh, wait.  Hitler? Anybody really see the body?  I think that old fuck lives in my neighborhood. Michael's dead like Strom Thurmond dead.  Wait. Is he dead?  He died like 50 years ago, right?

Maybe there's something to all those damn Gadsden rumors after all....  nah. 
Title: Re: Somewhere, Macaulay Culkin is crying.
Post by: JR4AU on June 25, 2009, 06:45:37 PM
Tupac is alive.  He's got a robot body. 

Mike, though?  Seems like he's dead.  Like dead, man. Not Paul is dead dead, but like Elvis dead.  No, that's not right.  Elvis lives on that island with Bear Bryant and John Kennedy.  They play golf every day.  Mikey's dead like Hitler dead.  Oh, wait.  Hitler? Anybody really see the body?  I think that old fuck lives in my neighborhood. Michael's dead like Strom Thurmond dead.  Wait. Is he dead?  He died like 50 years ago, right?

Maybe there's something to all those damn Gadsden rumors after all....  nah. 

Fox News reports...

Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon all died today.  They say they come in threes.  On the same day?
Title: Re: Somewhere, Macaulay Culkin is crying.
Post by: ggraf71 on June 25, 2009, 06:46:58 PM
Good point.  It's being reported on CNN and other websites that he was rushed to the hospital, but no word on his condition.  TMZ is the only one reporting that he's dead.  We'll all know in a matter of hours.

He's molesting angels now.
Title: Re: Somewhere, Macaulay Culkin is crying.
Post by: Kaos on June 25, 2009, 06:49:12 PM
He's molesting angels now.


BAAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAAA.... 

Best line of the century. 
Title: Re: Somewhere, Macaulay Culkin is crying.
Post by: Townhallsavoy on June 25, 2009, 06:49:55 PM
That's ignorant. 
Title: Re: Somewhere, Macaulay Culkin is crying.
Post by: Kaos on June 25, 2009, 06:56:48 PM
That's ignorant. 

You're right.  Child molesters probably don't go where angels are. 

He's molesting imps now. 
Title: Re: Somewhere, Macaulay Culkin is crying.
Post by: Townhallsavoy on June 25, 2009, 07:00:55 PM
You're right.  Child molesters probably don't go where angels are. 

He's molesting imps now. 

That's just ignorant.  You're all ignorant. 

(http://tvmedia.ign.com/tv/image/article/848/848950/south-park-20080131034948483.jpg)
Title: Re: Somewhere, Macaulay Culkin is crying.
Post by: Pell City Tiger on June 25, 2009, 07:54:16 PM
That's ignorant. 
Major league Southpark spek.
Title: Re: Somewhere, Macaulay Culkin is crying.
Post by: AWK on June 25, 2009, 08:07:58 PM
You're right.  Child molesters probably don't go where angels are. 

He's molesting imps now. 
Someone doesn't watch the boob tube.
Title: Re: Somewhere, Macaulay Culkin is crying.
Post by: DnATL on June 25, 2009, 09:22:00 PM
He's molesting angels now.

Only the cherubim
Title: Re: Somewhere, Macaulay Culkin is crying.
Post by: Jumbo on June 25, 2009, 11:31:58 PM
Mike had nothing left to do, except Beat It.
Title: Re: Somewhere, Macaulay Culkin is crying.
Post by: Talon on June 26, 2009, 12:12:21 AM
Epitaph:

Darkness Falls Across The Land
The Midnight Hour Is Close At Hand
Creatures Crawl In Search Of Blood
To Terrorize Y'awl's Neighborhood
And Whosoever Shall Be Found
Without The Soul For Getting Down
Must Stand And Face The Hounds Of Hell
And Rot Inside A Corpse's Shell
The Foulest Stench Is In The Air
The Funk Of Forty Thousand Years
And Grizzy Ghouls From Every Tomb
Are Closing In To Seal Your Doom
And Though You Fight To Stay Alive
Your Body Starts To Shiver
For No Mere Mortal Can Resist
The Evil Of The Thriller
Title: Re: Somewhere, Macaulay Culkin is crying.
Post by: AUChizad on June 26, 2009, 12:33:35 AM
Fox News reports...

Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon all died today.  They say they come in threes.  On the same day?
McMahon died Monday night. But still.
Title: Re: Somewhere, Macaulay Culkin is crying.
Post by: Kaos on June 26, 2009, 08:09:24 AM
Preliminary autopsy reports are in. He did not die of a heart attack as originally thought. He actually died of food poisioning.

:
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He choked on a 12 year old weiner.
Title: Re: Somewhere, Macaulay Culkin is crying.
Post by: Saniflush on June 26, 2009, 09:00:45 AM
I heard in honor of him, all little boys will have their pants lowered to half mast today.
Title: Re: Somewhere, Macaulay Culkin is crying.
Post by: Snaggletiger on June 26, 2009, 09:22:24 AM
Michael was misunderstood.
Title: Re: Somewhere, Macaulay Culkin is crying.
Post by: Jumbo on June 26, 2009, 02:16:24 PM
Michael was misunderstood.
He believed that the children were our future!
Title: Re: Somewhere, Macaulay Culkin is crying.
Post by: JR4AU on June 26, 2009, 02:52:15 PM
He believed that the children were our future!

Also believed they were sexually attractive...NOW!
Title: Re: Somewhere, Macaulay Culkin is crying.
Post by: Jumbo on June 26, 2009, 04:47:03 PM
Also believed they were sexually attractive...NOW!
He was a smooth criminal.
Title: Re: Somewhere, Macaulay Culkin is crying.
Post by: Pell City Tiger on June 26, 2009, 08:06:07 PM
They're going to cremate him, which means he'll melt given all the plastic surgery he's had. All this melted plastic will be donated to Lego and used to make those blocks. This will give children across America a chance to play with him for a change.
Title: Re: Somewhere, Macaulay Culkin is crying.
Post by: Pell City Tiger on June 26, 2009, 09:53:48 PM
McDonalds is commemorating Michael Jackson's death by introducing the "McThriller" burger. It is going to consist of 50 year old meat shoved into 12 year old buns.
Title: Re: Somewhere, Macaulay Culkin is crying.
Post by: Talon on June 26, 2009, 10:05:55 PM
Q: How can you tell if Michael Jackson had a hot date?
A: There was a big wheel parked outside his house.
Title: Re: Somewhere, Macaulay Culkin is crying.
Post by: Pell City Tiger on June 26, 2009, 10:27:35 PM
Breaking news! It is being reported that Casper the Friendly Ghost was allegedly molested late yesterday evening.
Title: Re: Somewhere, Macaulay Culkin is crying.
Post by: Snaggletiger on June 26, 2009, 11:08:20 PM
Breaking news! It is being reported that Casper the Friendly Ghost was allegedly molested late yesterday evening.

Dude, Casper is like..what...53? 
Title: Re: Somewhere, Macaulay Culkin is crying.
Post by: AWK on June 27, 2009, 01:09:39 PM
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong?

Neil Armstrong didn't fuck a kid.
Title: Re: Somewhere, Macaulay Culkin is crying.
Post by: ggraf71 on June 27, 2009, 07:58:48 PM
Whats the difference between pimples and Michael Jackson?



Pimples don't come on a boys face until he's 14.
Title: Re: Somewhere, Macaulay Culkin is crying.
Post by: Pell City Tiger on June 27, 2009, 08:46:49 PM
Whats the difference between pimples and Michael Jackson?



Pimples don't come on a boys face until he's 14.
outstanding!
Title: Re: Somewhere, Macaulay Culkin is crying.
Post by: Kaos on June 27, 2009, 10:02:09 PM
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and caviar? 



Nothing, they both come on little crackers.
Title: Re: Somewhere, Macaulay Culkin is crying.
Post by: Kaos on June 27, 2009, 10:03:37 PM
Why did Michael Jackson like twenty eight year old boys? 


Because there were 20 of them.