Tigers X - Number one Source to Talk Auburn Tigers Sports
The Library => Haley Center Basement => Topic started by: Kaos on October 17, 2018, 02:57:35 PM
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I was reading something today about people who tried to get away with scams and it made me think about a boss I had once. Nice enough guy, very scatterbrained. His name was Maurice. I was uneducated and had gotten a job loading furniture for the store he managed. Couple of weeks later he promoted me to collections and I started banging on doors and getting my stuff back or my money. Anyway....
1) One day these four kids of Middle Eastern descent come in. They want to rent a full living room set, dining room furniture, three bedroom sets, washer, dryer, stereo system, VCR... essentially furnish an entire apartment from the ground up. If you know anything about the rent-to-own industry (as it was then) your goal is to build BOR (business on rent) and collect what's owed weekly, bi-weekly or monthly. You're judged based on your delinquencies. As a general rule, the goal was to never have more than 15% of your BOR over 14 days past due. Well Maurice was running closer to 25%. Except on my route which was running at 4% because I was a stone cold collector. So these middle eastern guys tell Maurice they're going to get all this stuff and pay six months in advance. They do that and it's going to cut the overall past due percentage by several points. So Maurice is infatuated with these guys. They spend half the day in the store picking out item after item after item and I can see Maurice's brain lighting up. I don't remember the exact amount, but rental on all their stuff came to about $1200 a month. On an average day that store brought in about $5000 a day. Maurice was about to hit a $7000 knock and was sure to get massive praise from corporate. So the guys dawdle around until it's after 5 and the bank is closed. Then they present him with a check that's made out for $10,000 to some government agency with an endorsement on the back and a note that says it has been signed over to Achmed as proceeds for education or something. I take Maurice in the back and tell him he's got to get them out of there, the check is no good. Maurice blusters, tells me to fuck off and then as if it's some guarantee asks the guys for driver's licenses because he needs to make copies. One has a DL, not the guy who has the check. Maurice takes it and gives them back a little over $3k in cash. The delivery guys take two trucks and four or five hours to get that stuff in to the third floor apartment. Maurice gets written up in the company newsletter for making a huge sale.
Check? No good. Fake. I knew it. Takes two weeks, but it comes back bogus. I'm the fucking grim reaper when it comes to collections so he assigns it to me. I'm supposed to go get these Saudis to give back the stuff and hand over his $3200. I was good, but they were better. I staked the place out for months when I had time and could never catch them coming or going. I could hear them inside sometimes, but they refused to answer the door. I could smell them cooking funky shit in there, but they didn't answer. Finally one day I went to knock and the door was open. Achmed and the night visitors were gone. Some of the furniture was left, but it was destroyed. Looked like they'd used the couch as an open pit bbq. Nothing was recoverable. Store took the loss on the merchandise, but Maruice had to pay the $3200 out of his check but didn't lose his job.
2) Maurice drove a VW Diesel Rabbit. Ha! He was living in an apartment that the company paid for. So when corporate would come down from Kentucky, they'd stay in his apartment in the spare room. One week they were coming and Maurice was on vacation so he said they could just stay there even if nobody was home. Maurice had a bedroom completely full of merchandise he had filed as stolen from the warehouse and apparently (based on the messages on his answering machine) was selling the merchandise out of his apartment through newspaper want ads. He didn't even bother to lock the door of that room when he KNEW corporate was going to stay in his apartment. They called him on vacation and told him not to come back to the state unless he wanted to be prosecuted. The company would go through his apartment and ship anything they determined to be his to his mother's address. I never saw or heard from Maurice again.
And that's how I came to be a furniture store manager. I was handling my business. They offered me a raise to triple what I was making and a percentage of everything delinquent my people collected so long as we stayed under 10% behind. I fired the other two account reps, found people who were as ruthless as I used to be and we went two years without ever cracking 5% delinquent while I simultaneously grew BOR from 300 units to 2100 units. I used to be good at something.
Oh well.
I love stories. So you lawyers. Who'd you screw or who tried to screw you?
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I'll tell you a story about a School President we will call him Heath that got taken by a con-man who called himself a coach and his lawyer to the tune of 49 million dollars.
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Damn I hate that I couldn't have been on the collection team for you. As it were, I did collections for my mother's music store while I was at Auburn. You would be surprised at the motherfuckers that would write a shitty check for $50 of sheet music being used in the middle or high school band.
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Damn I hate that I couldn't have been on the collection team for you. As it were, I did collections for my mother's music store while I was at Auburn. You would be surprised at the motherfuckers that would write a shitty check for $50 of sheet music being used in the middle or high school band.
I was a son of a bitch. You couldn't be nice.
I remember this woman out on the projects in Tuscaloosa. Hays Court. I wouldn't go there at night now to save your life, but I used to regularly patrol out there. Black trench coat, black boots, long hair slicked back in a ponytail. Locked and loaded because I almost always had at least a grand in collected money on me at any given time. Cash.
She'd come in like in August and rented a television set (32" big for the time) and paid the first week down on it. She only had a government check as source of income and company policy said minimum of a month, but Maurice let her go with a week. $17, I think, with the promise she'd come in next Friday and pay the rest of the month.
She did not. September came. Halloween passed. Then Thanksgiving. Still nothing. I made it my personal mission to get that back. I bribed neighbors to tell me when she got home. If I saw her on the road I'd try to follow her back to her place and catch the door open. I went mornings, afternoons, nights. The neighbors would give me a knowing look and say "She up in there..." But she'd hide behind the door.
Christmas Eve. After 6 pm. I parked two blocks over and walked through the hood. Her door was open. She was having a Christmas party. I knocked and a little kid let me in. Stood in her kitchen in my trench and ponytail until she walked by. She looked startled and said "Who you?" I told her I was there for the TV. She gets all apologetic and says she had been meaning to call, she was going to come up there Monday and straighten it all out, so I could just let them know. I told her nope, I didn't want her rent I wanted the TV. She said just wait a minute and she'd get me half of what she owed and then she'd come Monday with the rest. Nope. TV. Now. That elicited a "well fuck you if you think you can get it and get it out of here, just go on ahead." And I did.
As I was unplugging the thing, a little kid came up. Maybe four or five years old. Mad because he was supposed to watch the California Raisin Christmas. I didn't care.
The people I dealt with doing that shaped a lot of how I think and feel these days.
I will never ever forget Ethyl Lee telling her 16 year old daughter that she couldn't keep living with her in her project house unless she had another baby because they needed the extra check.
I also won't forget Black Bertha painting her feet green because she hoped that would convince me she had money coming and I'd let her slide for another week. Or Bertha offering me her 16/17 year old high yellow daughter (who was actually pretty damn hot) because she wanted her "broke in proper by a white man." And of course a break on her rent.
Nor will I forget an older married white woman who I actually sort of liked and respected before this, blowing my then-72 year old business partner in the back room of the store because she was $28 behind on a dining room table she was trying to pay off. And then blowing him every week thereafter instead of paying the $12.95 she owed.
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Snags cares about his clients. No screwing involved. And I mean none.
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I was a son of a bitch. You couldn't be nice.
I remember this woman out on the projects in Tuscaloosa. Hays Court. I wouldn't go there at night now to save your life, but I used to regularly patrol out there. Black trench coat, black boots, long hair slicked back in a ponytail. Locked and loaded because I almost always had at least a grand in collected money on me at any given time. Cash.
She'd come in like in August and rented a television set (32" big for the time) and paid the first week down on it. She only had a government check as source of income and company policy said minimum of a month, but Maurice let her go with a week. $17, I think, with the promise she'd come in next Friday and pay the rest of the month.
She did not. September came. Halloween passed. Then Thanksgiving. Still nothing. I made it my personal mission to get that back. I bribed neighbors to tell me when she got home. If I saw her on the road I'd try to follow her back to her place and catch the door open. I went mornings, afternoons, nights. The neighbors would give me a knowing look and say "She up in there..." But she'd hide behind the door.
Christmas Eve. After 6 pm. I parked two blocks over and walked through the hood. Her door was open. She was having a Christmas party. I knocked and a little kid let me in. Stood in her kitchen in my trench and ponytail until she walked by. She looked startled and said "Who you?" I told her I was there for the TV. She gets all apologetic and says she had been meaning to call, she was going to come up there Monday and straighten it all out, so I could just let them know. I told her nope, I didn't want her rent I wanted the TV. She said just wait a minute and she'd get me half of what she owed and then she'd come Monday with the rest. Nope. TV. Now. That elicited a "well fuck you if you think you can get it and get it out of here, just go on ahead." And I did.
As I was unplugging the thing, a little kid came up. Maybe four or five years old. Mad because he was supposed to watch the California Raisin Christmas. I didn't care.
The people I dealt with doing that shaped a lot of how I think and feel these days.
I will never ever forget Ethyl Lee telling her 16 year old daughter that she couldn't keep living with her in her project house unless she had another baby because they needed the extra check.
I also won't forget Black Bertha painting her feet green because she hoped that would convince me she had money coming and I'd let her slide for another week. Or Bertha offering me her 16/17 year old high yellow daughter (who was actually pretty damn hot) because she wanted her "broke in proper by a white man." And of course a break on her rent.
Nor will I forget an older married white woman who I actually sort of liked and respected before this, blowing my then-72 year old business partner in the back room of the store because she was $28 behind on a dining room table she was trying to pay off. And then blowing him every week thereafter instead of paying the $12.95 she owed.
Cheapest bj west of Bham.
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The dumbest people in the world are those people who believe the local sheriff’s office called them to tell them they have a warrant for their arrest for missing a jury summons but if they just go to Walgreens and purchase a $500 green dot Visa card and give them the numbers they’ll drop the warrant.
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I'll tell you a story about a School President we will call him Heath that got taken by a con-man who called himself a coach and his lawyer to the tune of 49 million dollars.
That sounds very familiar to the situation and Aubu…..wait just a damn minute.
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The dumbest people in the world are those people who believe the local sheriff’s office called them in a phone to tell them they have a warrant for their arrest for missing a jury summons but if they just go to Walgreens and purchase a $500 green dot Visa card and give them the numbers they’ll drop the warrant.
That's weird I just got a call from the IRS and had to do the same thing, I just figured it was so no one could steal cash out of an envelope. It solved my IRS issue though.
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The dumbest people in the world are those people who believe the local sheriff’s office called them in a phone to tell them they have a warrant for their arrest for missing a jury summons but if they just go to Walgreens and purchase a $500 green dot Visa card and give them the numbers they’ll drop the warrant.
Sonofabitch! I knew I didn't remember knocking off that Piggly Wiggly.
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The dumbest people in the world are those people who believe the local sheriff’s office called them to tell them they have a warrant for their arrest for missing a jury summons but if they just go to Walgreens and purchase a $500 green dot Visa card and give them the numbers they’ll drop the warrant.
I got a call from them a few days ago telling me they were the IRS and coming to execute a warrant. I told them to come on because they would take me away to a quiet cell that was devoid of a 10 and 8 year old. Still waiting.
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The dumbest people in the world are those people who believe the local sheriff’s office called them to tell them they have a warrant for their arrest for missing a jury summons but if they just go to Walgreens and purchase a $500 green dot Visa card and give them the numbers they’ll drop the warrant.
If you want to piss them off, when they call and say "we are the (whatever branch of the federal government) and you owe us money" ask them for their federal ID number. Abu got pissed and started screaming and cussing me.
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If you want to piss them off, when they call and say "we are the (whatever branch of the federal government) and you owe us money" ask them for their federal ID number. Abu got pissed and started screaming and cussing me.
I like it when someone Indian tells me they are Peter smith or Mary jones. Yeah. Sure. I believe it totally. Let me give you what you need.
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I like it when someone Indian tells me they are Peter smith or Mary jones. Yeah. Sure. I believe it totally. Let me give you what you need.
or Elizabeth Warren
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or Elizabeth Warren
You win today. Gold.
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Hahahhahahahahahahahahahahabavvahahaaaaa
Yeah, k is as intimidating a "collector" as I would be.
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Hahahhahahahahahahahahahahabavvahahaaaaa
Yeah, k is as intimidating a "collector" as I would be.
I just wanna see a pic of him with ponytail.
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I just wanna see a pic of him with ponytail.
Pretty sure I've got some shots of my rat-tail from the 6th grade. It's the functional equivalent.
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Hahahhahahahahahahahahahahabavvahahaaaaa
Yeah, k is as intimidating a "collector" as I would be.
Think what you will. But I was. My store led the nation in lowest percentage of delinquent accounts for three straight years. I got national awards and all expense trips to Cancun to show for it.
Context? I was doing deliveries and collections when my first wife got killed. After I healed up and came back to work, I didn’t give the first fuck about anybody or anything. I get killed collecting? Cool by me.
The person i am now? Didn’t exist then.
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Think what you will. But I was. My store led the nation in lowest percentage of delinquent accounts for three straight years. I got national awards and all expense trips to Cancun to show for it.
Context? I was doing deliveries and collections when my first wife got killed. After I healed up and came back to work, I didn’t give the first fuck about anybody or anything. I get killed collecting? Cool by me.
The person i am now? Didn’t exist then.
I hear you.
But im gonna need that ponytail pic.
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I hear you.
But im gonna need that ponytail pic.
I'm sure I got one somewhere. I was a mess.
Had an earring. Wore a diamond when I was being fancy and had a skull on a spike cross for regular days. My hair hadn't gone then. Before the wreck I had a nice mullet. After the accident I was out for three months or so and then in recovery for six more months at least. Didn't get a haircut the whole time. So when I went back to work and DNGAF I used this crap that slicked it back like Pat Riley and put the mullet into a tail.
I see now in retrospect that I was being purposely self-destructive, but hell. I was in good shape from playing baseball, I was not even 30 and a widower, my arm was still sorta fucked up and I honestly didn't care if I lived or died. It wasn't necessarily about "intimidation" because I really didn't physically intimidate the deadbeats. It was more about intractability and doggedness. There was no threat and no negotiation they could provide that would get me to leave without my money or my shit. Period.
Dude, at the same time I was doing this I was working with another guy doing car repossessions at night and on the weekends. I had guns pulled on me, shots fired in our direction, dogs sicced on me, people try to fight. I did not care.
Having a daughter and realizing I didn't really want to die after all changed me.
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Hahahhahahahahahahahahahahabavvahahaaaaa
Yeah, k is as intimidating a "collector" as I would be.
You know as well as anyone that attitude or not giving a fuck can cover for a lot of sins my not so young padawan learner.
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You know as well as anyone that attitude or not giving a fuck can cover for a lot of sins my not so young padawan learner.
You can tell when someone has a touch of crazy in them.