Tigers X - Number one Source to Talk Auburn Tigers Sports
The Library => Haley Center Basement => Topic started by: Townhallsavoy on June 01, 2011, 09:50:46 AM
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Headed to Orange Beach next week with the wife and friends, and the friends are dying to go to Flora-Bama.
What can I expect from this place? I've heard it's the Mecca of rednecks, cougars, and debauchery, but I'm going with my wife. So, um, cougars and debauchery are probably off the list of things to do.
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Headed to Orange Beach next week with the wife and friends, and the friends are dying to go to Flora-Bama.
What can I expect from this place? I've heard it's the Mecca of rednecks, cougars, and debauchery, but I'm going with my wife. So, um, cougars and debauchery are probably off the list of things to do.
Overrated in my opinion. Especially after the storm destroyed it. Rednecks are guaranteed, though, but that goes without saying in GS/OB.
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Headed to Orange Beach next week with the wife and friends, and the friends are dying to go to Flora-Bama.
What can I expect from this place? I've heard it's the Mecca of rednecks, cougars, and debauchery, but I'm going with my wife. So, um, cougars and debauchery are probably off the list of things to do.
We stay within a mile of it every year in OB, and I have never made it inside. I can tell you to expect many leather-clad bikers, based on the contents of their parking lot every time we drive by though.
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It's a walled in spot on the beach that sells alcohol located on the Florida Alabama line. What do you expect it to be like? Wear galoshes.
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So far, I'm not liking the sound of this place.
I guess I can fake sick, and then command the wife to take care of me. Then have the condo to ourselves while the friends go get drunk. :pb:
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The only bar I've ever been kicked out of.
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So far, I'm not liking the sound of this place.
I guess I can fake sick, and then command the wife to take care of me. Then have the condo to ourselves while the friends go get drunk. :pb:
Just make sure you chain the door.
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The only bar I've ever been kicked out of.
I have also been kicked out. It's nothing spectacular...rednecks and old whures.
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The Place is a shit hole, With a ton of security.
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The only bar I've ever been kicked out of.
Not an easy challenge I would imagine.
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The only bar I've ever been kicked out of.
Jimmy Buffett threw me out.
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Jimmy Buffett threw me out.
I think I remember that story.
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The Place is a shit hole, With a ton of security.
Being the "landmark" that it is, the clientele is quite diverse. Bikers, skanks, college chics, cougars, Frat boys, construction workers, tourists of all stripes. It's "convention time" down there too, so could be anybody there. The District Attorneys Assoc. has our conference at the Perdido Resort around the 4th of July every year. I usually go there one night with a group. Bottom line is it looks like a refuge camp where you can get beer, and at night it's crawling with cops.
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I'm going to be down in Gulf Shores for a week starting on June 18th. Hint Snaggle and Wes.
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Being the "landmark" that it is, the clientele is quite diverse. Bikers, skanks, college chics, cougars, Frat boys, construction workers, tourists of all stripes. It's "convention time" down there too, so could be anybody there. The District Attorneys Assoc. has our conference at the Perdido Resort around the 4th of July every year. I usually go there one night with a group. Bottom line is it looks like a refuge camp where you can get beer, and at night it's crawling with cops.
Cops scare me.
I had a problem at Innisfree one night with a drunk guy who thought it was funny to grab my wife's friend's ass. I told him to stop and he threw a beer bottle at me. When we were leaving, he run up behind me and grabbed me and tried to start a fight. I stumbled into the road and two cops grabbed us.
If the bouncer at the door hadn't come out to plead my case, I think I would have gone to jail that night. I have no desire to experience that again.
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I'm going to be down in Gulf Shores for a week starting on June 18th. Hint Snaggle and Wes.
Hint nothing, motherfucker. You're hell and gone from the promised land. Have fun at bammerbeach.
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GS is the same drive as B'ham for me. Go east young man.
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/Sad Face
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Jimmy Buffett threw me out.
I heard that...
Jimmy got caught smoking a joint out behind the bar, sitting in his car and they took him to jail.
The tip jar paid his bail.
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I heard that...
Jimmy got caught smoking a joint out behind the bar, sitting in his car and they took him to jail.
The tip jar paid his bail.
I think Mick Jagger wrote his name on a woman's bathroom stall.
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Jimmy Buffett threw me out.
He got tired of hearing "FREEBIRD" every 30 seconds.
It's "convention time" down there too, so could be anybody there. The District Attorneys Assoc. has our conference at the Perdido Resort around the 4th of July every year. I usually go there one night with a group.
Ain't nothing worse than a bar full of broke ass lawyers.........
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Lowlights of Flora-Bama. I fucking hated this place. Pina Colada for $7? Where's the alcohol? Bushwhacker? Too sweet and too much like a dessert. Went right in the trash.
Besides it being absolutely filthy and odorous, it was a cesspool of the trashiest white people I've ever seen in my life. The Wonderful Whites of West Virginia would have fit in nicely with the clientele, and I being a sophisticated motherfucker definitely did not mingle well.
Ever seen a 5'10 400 pound woman take her top off and pour beer over her misshaped, tubular breasts? I have. Bouncers no where to be found to take her out. This woman and her 5'2 100 pound boyfriend were all over each other simulating some Kama Sutra poses while the band played frat party hits like Sweet Caroline and Brown Eyed Girl. They attacked each other with their mouths and even engaged in a Jedi duel using their tongues as light sabers. Their family and friends stood around them hoo-hahing the entire event.
Moving from there, my wife and her two friends wanted to dance near the band. I don't dance. Especially after my wife once told me, "You look funny when you dance tee-hee tee-hee." So I no longer dance. Anyway, this 65 year old greasy, fat woman comes up to me and wraps her legs around me. She then proceeded to dry hump me like a frustrated dog. When she realized my wife was right there, she encouraged me to dance with my wife. I mistakenly admitted that I don't dance, and the woman started grinding into me again and said, "Dancing feels the pussy. Feel the pussy. Feel it. Feel it."
I broke away from the succubus's grasp and made my way to the back picnic benches.
Eventually, my wife, her two friends, and I made our way towards the inside stage. Before getting there, we were stopped by a middle aged man wearing a lifejacket with no shirt on underneath. He asked my friend if she knew CPR. She laughed. He said, "If you do, I could use it right now. My lifejacket isn't going to save me." I then asked why he was wearing a wedding ring on his right hand. He got wide-eyed. I then repeated, "Why are you wearing a wedding band on your right hand?" He said, "Well, my left ring finger was broken and it will only fit on my right hand." I said, "Bending the truth is probably worse than lying. Ask your wife." He said, "Fuck you." And then he walked away.
My wife's two friends - both single - were not amused. But I was already in a foul mood after seeing obese titties and feeling a sweaty, greasy grandma grind against my mid section while telling me to feel her pussy.
The inside stage area was no better. Crammed with people. Mullets abounded. Jean shorts. Wife beaters. Toothless rednecks screaming, dancing, grinding, bumping into anyone and everyone. Nothing I wanted to experience. But the band was playing music, and my wife and her two friends wanted to dance. So in we went.
A fat guy who was bald and wore a thick goatee started dancing horribly right in the middle of us. I walked away after he started trying to get low and humping the air like he had hips worthy of a cornerback. The fat guy danced with the three girls for a minute until he started grinding his ass into them. The girls then laughed and came back towards me.
Of course he followed.
He stuck his finger into my chest and said, "Who the fuck are you?" I said, "I'm the family." He said, "What?" I said, "Well this one is my wife, and these two are my younger sisters." He said, "Oh, your wife. Well that's fine because this one is the one I want." He then lightly flicked his finger on my friend's nose.
The girls, of course, were laughing. I'm seeking the escape route. Or a way to kill this guy.
He then stood in front of me with his bacon back blocking my vision. I was pushed towards the wall behind me, and I was starting to get really frustrated. But he seemed alright. A bit drunk. But he wasn't too much of a threat. He was silly and started making jokes. The girls laughed.
Some minutes went by, and the band took a break. I honestly started zoning out because I was tired from my sunburn, and I had consumed a few beers.
That's when chunky trunks stuck his hand up my friend's skirt and said, "What are you wearing under here?"
She yelped. I grabbed him by the back of his neck and shoved him. He turned around and lunged towards me. I guess you could call it lunging. He was drunk and out of his element. His shoulder went straight into the wall behind me. Two guys with muscles and Flora-Bama uniforms grabbed him and took him out. On their way, they said to me, "You need to get the fuck out of here." I said, "Gladly."
And so we left. And that was my one and only experience at Flora-Bama.
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Sounds about right.
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Lowlights of Flora-Bama. I fucking hated this place. Pina Colada for $7? Where's the alcohol? Bushwhacker? Too sweet and too much like a dessert. Went right in the trash.
Besides it being absolutely filthy and odorous, it was a cesspool of the trashiest white people I've ever seen in my life. The Wonderful Whites of West Virginia would have fit in nicely with the clientele, and I being a sophisticated motherfucker definitely did not mingle well.
Ever seen a 5'10 400 pound woman take her top off and pour beer over her misshaped, tubular breasts? I have. Bouncers no where to be found to take her out. This woman and her 5'2 100 pound boyfriend were all over each other simulating some Kama Sutra poses while the band played frat party hits like Sweet Caroline and Brown Eyed Girl. They attacked each other with their mouths and even engaged in a Jedi duel using their tongues as light sabers. Their family and friends stood around them hoo-hahing the entire event.
Moving from there, my wife and her two friends wanted to dance near the band. I don't dance. Especially after my wife once told me, "You look funny when you dance tee-hee tee-hee." So I no longer dance. Anyway, this 65 year old greasy, fat woman comes up to me and wraps her legs around me. She then proceeded to dry hump me like a frustrated dog. When she realized my wife was right there, she encouraged me to dance with my wife. I mistakenly admitted that I don't dance, and the woman started grinding into me again and said, "Dancing feels the pussy. Feel the pussy. Feel it. Feel it."
I broke away from the succubus's grasp and made my way to the back picnic benches.
Eventually, my wife, her two friends, and I made our way towards the inside stage. Before getting there, we were stopped by a middle aged man wearing a lifejacket with no shirt on underneath. He asked my friend if she knew CPR. She laughed. He said, "If you do, I could use it right now. My lifejacket isn't going to save me." I then asked why he was wearing a wedding ring on his right hand. He got wide-eyed. I then repeated, "Why are you wearing a wedding band on your right hand?" He said, "Well, my left ring finger was broken and it will only fit on my right hand." I said, "Bending the truth is probably worse than lying. Ask your wife." He said, "Fuck you." And then he walked away.
My wife's two friends - both single - were not amused. But I was already in a foul mood after seeing obese titties and feeling a sweaty, greasy grandma grind against my mid section while telling me to feel her pussy.
The inside stage area was no better. Crammed with people. Mullets abounded. Jean shorts. Wife beaters. Toothless rednecks screaming, dancing, grinding, bumping into anyone and everyone. Nothing I wanted to experience. But the band was playing music, and my wife and her two friends wanted to dance. So in we went.
A fat guy who was bald and wore a thick goatee started dancing horribly right in the middle of us. I walked away after he started trying to get low and humping the air like he had hips worthy of a cornerback. The fat guy danced with the three girls for a minute until he started grinding his ass into them. The girls then laughed and came back towards me.
Of course he followed.
He stuck his finger into my chest and said, "Who the fuck are you?" I said, "I'm the family." He said, "What?" I said, "Well this one is my wife, and these two are my younger sisters." He said, "Oh, your wife. Well that's fine because this one is the one I want." He then lightly flicked his finger on my friend's nose.
The girls, of course, were laughing. I'm seeking the escape route. Or a way to kill this guy.
He then stood in front of me with his bacon back blocking my vision. I was pushed towards the wall behind me, and I was starting to get really frustrated. But he seemed alright. A bit drunk. But he wasn't too much of a threat. He was silly and started making jokes. The girls laughed.
Some minutes went by, and the band took a break. I honestly started zoning out because I was tired from my sunburn, and I had consumed a few beers.
That's when chunky trunks stuck his hand up my friend's skirt and said, "What are you wearing under here?"
She yelped. I grabbed him by the back of his neck and shoved him. He turned around and lunged towards me. I guess you could call it lunging. He was drunk and out of his element. His shoulder went straight into the wall behind me. Two guys with muscles and Flora-Bama uniforms grabbed him and took him out. On their way, they said to me, "You need to get the fuck out of here." I said, "Gladly."
And so we left. And that was my one and only experience at Flora-Bama.
Sounds about right.
GS/OB: It's PCB with more bammers.
I will never understand why anyone (non-bammer) would visit that stinkpit of a beach.
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Sounds about right.
GS/OB: It's PCB with more bammers.
I will never understand why anyone (non-bammer) would visit that stinkpit of a beach.
Usually try to rent a house closer to Ft Morgan. Not so bad there.
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I'm going to be down in Gulf Shores for a week starting on June 18th. Hint Snaggle and Wes.
24 minutes from the sugar sands and I don't even get a sniff?
I see how you are.
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Sounds about right.
GS/OB: It's PCB with more bammers.
I will never understand why anyone (non-bammer) would visit that stinkpit of a beach.
^^ All of this ^^
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Sounds about right.
GS/OB: It's PCB with more bammers.
I will never understand why anyone (non-bammer) would visit that stinkpit of a beach.
THIS. Every bit. They have taken the place over.
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The woman started grinding into me again and said, "Dancing feels the pussy. Feel the pussy. Feel it. Feel it."
Well.......did you? What kind of patron would you have been not to oblige a regular? When in Rome....
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I was praying to God that the moisture I felt from her was sweat or alcohol and not some kind of vaginal spray.
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I've lived here all of my life and only went to the Flora-Bama once. It looks a little better now that both counties made them get rid of the temporary shit and actually build walls, but it is still a shit hole. Too many morons go there, and it is such a tourist trap now. You're much better off at somewhere like Live Bait if you're in the Orange Beach area. The bars in Gulf Shores are OK, as far as douchebags, etc go.
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24 minutes from the sugar sands and I don't even get a sniff?
I see how you are.
Yo, we are going to be there starting late Saturday night through the rest of the week. Hit me up.
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24 minutes from the sugar sands and I don't even get a sniff?
I see how you are.
He's not the only one - sounds like THS just met Prowler at the Flora-Bama
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Ain't nothing worse than a bar full of broke ass lawyers.........
Best advice...seek help for your obsession.
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He's not the only one - sounds like THS just met Prowler at the Flora-Bama
He didn't say anything about the guy wearing a hardhat.
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Best advice...seek help for your obsession.
These are my confessionssssssss! ...wait, shit.
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Lowlights of Flora-Bama. I fucking hated this place. Pina Colada for $7? Where's the alcohol? Bushwhacker? Too sweet and too much like a dessert. Went right in the trash.
Besides it being absolutely filthy and odorous, it was a cesspool of the trashiest white people I've ever seen in my life. The Wonderful Whites of West Virginia would have fit in nicely with the clientele, and I being a sophisticated motherfucker definitely did not mingle well.
Ever seen a 5'10 400 pound woman take her top off and pour beer over her misshaped, tubular breasts? I have. Bouncers no where to be found to take her out. This woman and her 5'2 100 pound boyfriend were all over each other simulating some Kama Sutra poses while the band played frat party hits like Sweet Caroline and Brown Eyed Girl. They attacked each other with their mouths and even engaged in a Jedi duel using their tongues as light sabers. Their family and friends stood around them hoo-hahing the entire event.
Moving from there, my wife and her two friends wanted to dance near the band. I don't dance. Especially after my wife once told me, "You look funny when you dance tee-hee tee-hee." So I no longer dance. Anyway, this 65 year old greasy, fat woman comes up to me and wraps her legs around me. She then proceeded to dry hump me like a frustrated dog. When she realized my wife was right there, she encouraged me to dance with my wife. I mistakenly admitted that I don't dance, and the woman started grinding into me again and said, "Dancing feels the pussy. Feel the pussy. Feel it. Feel it."
I broke away from the succubus's grasp and made my way to the back picnic benches.
Eventually, my wife, her two friends, and I made our way towards the inside stage. Before getting there, we were stopped by a middle aged man wearing a lifejacket with no shirt on underneath. He asked my friend if she knew CPR. She laughed. He said, "If you do, I could use it right now. My lifejacket isn't going to save me." I then asked why he was wearing a wedding ring on his right hand. He got wide-eyed. I then repeated, "Why are you wearing a wedding band on your right hand?" He said, "Well, my left ring finger was broken and it will only fit on my right hand." I said, "Bending the truth is probably worse than lying. Ask your wife." He said, "Fuck you." And then he walked away.
My wife's two friends - both single - were not amused. But I was already in a foul mood after seeing obese titties and feeling a sweaty, greasy grandma grind against my mid section while telling me to feel her pussy.
The inside stage area was no better. Crammed with people. Mullets abounded. Jean shorts. Wife beaters. Toothless rednecks screaming, dancing, grinding, bumping into anyone and everyone. Nothing I wanted to experience. But the band was playing music, and my wife and her two friends wanted to dance. So in we went.
A fat guy who was bald and wore a thick goatee started dancing horribly right in the middle of us. I walked away after he started trying to get low and humping the air like he had hips worthy of a cornerback. The fat guy danced with the three girls for a minute until he started grinding his ass into them. The girls then laughed and came back towards me.
Of course he followed.
He stuck his finger into my chest and said, "Who the fuck are you?" I said, "I'm the family." He said, "What?" I said, "Well this one is my wife, and these two are my younger sisters." He said, "Oh, your wife. Well that's fine because this one is the one I want." He then lightly flicked his finger on my friend's nose.
The girls, of course, were laughing. I'm seeking the escape route. Or a way to kill this guy.
He then stood in front of me with his bacon back blocking my vision. I was pushed towards the wall behind me, and I was starting to get really frustrated. But he seemed alright. A bit drunk. But he wasn't too much of a threat. He was silly and started making jokes. The girls laughed.
Some minutes went by, and the band took a break. I honestly started zoning out because I was tired from my sunburn, and I had consumed a few beers.
That's when chunky trunks stuck his hand up my friend's skirt and said, "What are you wearing under here?"
She yelped. I grabbed him by the back of his neck and shoved him. He turned around and lunged towards me. I guess you could call it lunging. He was drunk and out of his element. His shoulder went straight into the wall behind me. Two guys with muscles and Flora-Bama uniforms grabbed him and took him out. On their way, they said to me, "You need to get the fuck out of here." I said, "Gladly."
And so we left. And that was my one and only experience at Flora-Bama.
A little behind in the threads....I could have told you Flora-Bama is one of the worst places on earth.
I laughed until I cried. :clap:
P.S. It is also the only bar I have ever been thrown out of.
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A little behind in the threads....I could have told you Flora-Bama is one of the worst places on earth.
I laughed until I cried. :clap:
P.S. It is also the only bar I have ever been thrown out of.
I don't believe this.
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Racist.
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Racist.
That story is BS because they don't let Mexicans in.
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Racist.
Davey Jones, Giant Squid.
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THS has tempted me into visiting the FB with his wonderful story. I think I'll talk the wifey into going sometime this next week whilst we are at bammer beach.
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THS has tempted me into visiting the FB with his wonderful story. I think I'll talk the wifey into going sometime this next week whilst we are at bammer beach.
When you get back I'll tell you the (true) story of how I got kicked....er, escorted out.
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When you get back I'll tell you the (true) story of how I got kicked....er, escorted out.
Can't wait to hear it.