Tigers X - Number one Source to Talk Auburn Tigers Sports
The Library => Haley Center Basement => Topic started by: Tiger Wench on September 23, 2010, 11:47:48 PM
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My friend A at work is very thin - she is 5'9-ish and maybe 105 lbs. She is just one of those skinny bitches - she eats junk food, and keeps it down - in other words, she is not anorexic. Her mom is built the same way. But because of her thinness, she is prone to anaemia and can easily dehydrate if she is not careful.
So today at work, after a long morning of meetings (she is one of our attorneys), no lunch, no water, etc., she passed out cold in the hall. 9-1-1, etc. They brought her to my office because I have a small couch, and she could recline and get her feet up. The bolance folks1 came, blah blah blah, we need to take you to the hospital. She pitched a royal hissy fit (more than usual, as she was still somewhat altered by the fainting spell), saying she would go but in someone's car, NOT in the bolance... the medics were trying to convince her otherwise, but I stepped in and managed after MUCH debate to make her see that it would be for the best to let them take her. I literally talked her onto the gurney and it was one of my harder negotiations. I promised her I would do all I could to minimize the embarrassment factor... it was a short distance to the elevators, etc.
Of course, as soon as she rolls out of my office, the single biggest asshole in our company was standing in the kitchen and she rolls right past him. He is a French guy, as in a citizen (still) of France, and is VP of Procurement and Stepping All Over Anyone He Has To In Order To Get Ahead. And of course, M'sieu Fuckface makes a smart ass comment about her being on the gurney. His piss poorly timed comment almost undoes my frantic negotiation with A and results in her making an attempt to exit said gurney. Fortunately she was strapped in place.
At this point, I wheeled around on Pepe Le Pew (he bathes once weekly, if we are lucky...). He was still standing there smirking when I got in his face and stated in front of about 35 other people that if he made another comment to her, I would kick his ass myself.
A left in the bolance, I went back to my office, the day continued. Her boyfriend met her at the hospital and later she called me to say thanks - she was both anaemic and dehydrated and going to the ER in the bolance was the right thing to do, as she passed out again before they got her there.
I also had five different people come by my office and tell me that hearing me threaten to kick Pepe's ass was the absolute highlight of their day. I got an "Atta Girl" by email from my boss, our freaking General Counsel. And our Corporate Safety Director, who witnessed the entire thing, told me that had anything actually occurred, he doubted he would have found any witnesses that would admit to seeing me tear Pepe a new one...
Sometimes somebody just needs to say what everyone else has been thinking...
1 When the bolance was on the way, someone joked that we just wanted to see some hot firemen. I laughed and said with my luck, they would probably be two dykes and a couple of wimpy volunteer firemedic wannabes.
Nailed it.
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Question....what the fuck is a bolance? I think you mean amberlamps
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I'm shocked he didn't surrender immediately.
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Picked these up off a chain email. Most are about the French. Don't know if they are accurate, but they sound good:
These
are good
JFK'S
Secretary of State, Dean Rusk, was in France in the early 60's when
DeGaulle decided to pull out of NATO. DeGaulle said he wanted all US
military out of France as soon as possible.
Rusk responded,
"Does that include those who are buried here?"
DeGaulle
did not respond.
You
could have heard a pin drop.
When in England ,
at a fairly large conference, Colin Powell was asked by the
Archbishop of Canterbury if our plans for Iraq were just an example of
'empire building' by George Bush.
He answered by saying,
"Over the years, the United States has sent many of
its fine young men and women into great peril to fight for freedom
beyond our borders. The only amount of land we have ever asked for
in return is enough to bury those that did not
return."
You
could have heard a pin drop.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a conference in France
where a number of international engineers
were taking part, including French and American. During a break,
one of the French engineers came back into the room saying, "Have you
heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft
carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims. What does he
intend to do, bomb them?"
A Boeing engineer
stood up and replied quietly: "Our carriers have three
hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are
nuclear powered and can supply emergency electrical power to
shore facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to
feed 3,000 people three meals a day, they can produce several thousand
gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a
dozen helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and
from their flight deck. We have eleven such ships;
how many does France have?"
You
could have heard a pin drop.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A U.S. Navy Admiral
was attending a naval conference that included
Admirals from the U.S., English, Canadian, Australian and French
Navies At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large
group of officers that included personnel from most of those countries.
Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a
French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many
languages, Americans learn only English. He then asked, "Why is it that
we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than
speaking French?"
Without hesitating,
the American Admiral replied, "Maybe it's because the
Brit's, Canadians, Aussie's and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't
have to speak German."
You
could have heard a pin drop.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AND
THIS STORY FITS RIGHT IN WITH THE ABOVE...
Robert Whiting,
an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane.
At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport
in his carry on.
"You
have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked
sarcastically.
Mr. Whiting
admitted that he had been to France
previously.
"Then
you should know enough to have your passport ready."
The American said,
"The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible..
Americans always have to show their passports on arrival in France !"
The American senior
gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he
quietly explained, ''Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in
1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find a single Frenchmen
to show a passport to."
You
could have heard a pin drop.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If
you are proud to be an American, pass this on! If not, delete it.
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Those stories are great...true or not. People forget all the good things America has done and countries over seas will always take our help in the bad times, and curse us like hell in the good times. This world would have been fucked more times than once if not for America.
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Those stories are great...true or not. People forget all the good things America has done and countries over seas will always take our help in the bad times, and curse us like hell in the good times. This world would have been fucked more times than once if not for America.
We as a country give so much to the rest of the world. We ask for so little back. More time than not, we get less than that.
And that is why have been the greatest country in the world. We are changing though. As more and more of our populace continue to ask, "What is in it for me"?
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We as a country give so much to the rest of the world. We ask for so little back. More time than not, we get less than that.
And that is why have been the greatest country in the world. We are changing though. As more and more of our populace continue to ask, "What is in it for me"?
Hell, we not only go help others facing an asswhippin', but after we whip someone's ass, we usually help them fix the damage we did, and leave them better off than before the asswhippin'. We never have done what I advocate...invade foreign lands, kill the enemy, rape the women, and sell the children in to slavery.
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Hell, we not only go help others facing an asswhippin', but after we whip someone's ass, we usually help them fix the damage we did, and leave them better off than before the asswhippin'. We never have done what I advocate...invade foreign lands, kill the enemy, rape the women, and sell the children in to slavery.
Their is only one thing best in life:
"To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women." - Conan
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I have sacrificed for my country. It is why I joined.
My govt has asked me to sacrifice for other countries for political reasons only. (It was and still is a hard pill to swallow).
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You had me right up until you said something about a hot blonde's boyfriend showing up...After that I just got clicks and pops.
Fuck the French!
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My friend A at work is very thin - she is 5'9-ish and maybe 105 lbs. She is just one of those skinny bitches - she eats junk food, and keeps it down - in other words, she is not anorexic. Her mom is built the same way. But because of her thinness, she is prone to anaemia and can easily dehydrate if she is not careful.
So today at work, after a long morning of meetings (she is one of our attorneys), no lunch, no water, etc., she passed out cold in the hall. 9-1-1, etc. They brought her to my office because I have a small couch, and she could recline and get her feet up...
When I opened this thread, the "Dear Penthouse" voice in my head started reading it to me out loud and this was as far as I made it.
And, just for future reference, I've always heard that, when a girl faints, the first thing you're suppose to do is take off her panties. I've heard it's so she can get plenty of air.
...When the bolance was on the way, someone joked that we just wanted to see some hot firemen. I laughed and said with my luck, they would probably be two dykes and a couple of wimpy volunteer firemedic wannabes.
Nailed it.
Good For You! My buddy JoeBobHog always says, "Big girls need loving too." I'm sure the same applies to two dykes and a couple of wimpy (Were they wanting you to buy them hamburgers today and pay you back next Tuesday?) volunteer firemedic wannabes. Glad you were there to take care of the local heros.
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Their is only one thing best in life:
"To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women." - Conan
Genghis would make Arnie squeal like a fuckin pig.
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Good For You! My buddy JoeBobHog always says, "Big girls need loving too." I'm sure the same applies to two dykes and a couple of wimpy (Were they wanting you to buy them hamburgers today and pay you back next Tuesday?) volunteer firemedic wannabes. Glad you were there to take care of the local heros.
Please don't misunderstand me. If I was ever in a serious emergency situation, I would not give a rat's ass about the orientation of the head paramedic. She was beyond competent and well on her way into badass, and took zero bullshit. The wannabes, wimpy tho they were, give their time to help others. No shame in that.
However, when the desire was to see seriously hot firemen with bulging biceps and ripped abs like the ones in the HFD calendar, that particular crew fell a little short. And yeah, that was a bit disappointing.
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Please don't misunderstand me. If I was ever in a serious emergency situation, I would not give a rat's ass about the orientation of the head paramedic. She was beyond competent and well on her way into badass, and took zero bullpoop. The wannabes, wimpy tho they were, give their time to help others. No shame in that.
However, when the desire was to see seriously hot firemen with bulging biceps and ripped abs like the ones in the HFD calendar, that particular crew fell a little short. And yeah, that was a bit disappointing.
Oh, I didn't misunderstand. I was just saying it was nice that you nailed them all.
By chance, did someone happen to whip out their cell phone and record you nailing them? Because that would be hot.
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Oh, I didn't misunderstand. I was just saying it was nice that you nailed them all.
By chance, did someone happen to whip out their cell phone and record you nailing them? Because that would be hot.
Lame. Just lame... :rolleyes: