« on: July 19, 2010, 08:29:36 AM »
I think this might be from a long lost brother of mine.
http://shitmydadsays.com/?page=1s
1.
"Don’t focus on the one guy who hates you. You don’t go to the park and set your picnic down next to the only pile of dog shit."
about 21 days ago from web
2.
"Engagement rings are pointless. Indians gave cows...Oh sorry, congrats on proposing. We good now? Can I finish my indian story?"
about a month ago from web
3.
"Look, we're basically on earth to shit and fuck. So unless your job's to help people shit or fuck, it's not that important, so relax."
about a month ago from web
4.
"No. Humans will die out. We're weak. Dinosaurs survived on rotten flesh. You got diarrhea last week from a Wendy's."
about 2 months ago from web
5.
"They're offended? Fuck, shit, asshole, shitfuck; they're just words...Fine. Shitfuck isn't a word, but you get my point."
about 2 months ago from web at Elmhurst, Illinois, United States in context
6.
"I don't want your advice, you're 27 fucking years old...Fine. I don't want your advice, you're 29 fucking years old."
about 2 months ago from web
7.
“You seen my cell phone?...What’s it look like? Like two horses fucking. It’s a phone, son. It looks like a phone."
about 3 months ago from web
8.
"Stop trying so hard. He doesn't like you. Jesus, don't kiss an ass if it's in the process of shitting on you."
about 3 months ago from web at Fountain Valley, California, United States
9.
“It’s Los Angeles, son. It’s the epicenter of the asshole earthquake. They’d fuck you twice if they had another dick.”
about 3 months ago from web
10.
"I’m not sure you can call that roughing it, son… Well, for one, there was a fucking minivan parked forty feet from your sleeping bags.”
about 3 months ago from web at North Hollywood, California, United States
11.
"Waking up when you got a baby, you feel like you drank a bottle of whiskey the night before, except the shit's in someone else's pants."
about 3 months ago from web
12.
"I found some shit in your room...No, I found actual shit. Feces...Well I should hope it's from your shoes, otherwise what the fuck?"
about 3 months ago from web
13.
"Don't start a story with This is SO funny. Be like saying My dick's huge before you screw. Even if you're right you sound like an asshole."
about 3 months ago from web
14.
"Your mom just ordered 35 copies of your book. I'm not paying for one. Fucking. Copy. Mine's free." http://shitmydadsays.com/book
about 4 months ago from web
15.
"I didn't say you were ugly. I said your girlfriend is better looking than you, and standing next to her, you look ugly."
about 4 months ago from web
16.
"Don't ask for my opinion then. I said congrats on the car, just saying nobody's panties are getting wet from a fucking Honda Accord."
about 4 months ago from web
17.
"War hero? No. I was a doc in Vietnam. My job was to say "This is what happens when you screw a hooker, kid. Put this cream on your pecker."
about 4 months ago from web
18.
"HIDDEN roaming charges? Jesus, Sprint has 'fucking people' down to a science, like they practice it in a fucking lab on mice first."
about 4 months ago from web
19.
"I lost 20 pounds...How? I drank bear piss and took up fencing. How the fuck you think, son? I exercised."
about 4 months ago from web
20.
"Science and Mother Nature are in a marriage where Science is always surprised to come home and find Mother Nature blowing the neighbor."
about 5 months ago from web
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"Hey my friends are the ones that wanted to eat at that shitty hole in the wall that only served bread and wine. What kind of brick and mud business model is that. Stick to the cart if that's all you're going to serve. Then that dude came in with like 12 other people, and some of them weren't even wearing shoes, and the restaurant sat them right across from us. It was gross, and they were all stinky and dirty. Then dude starts talking about eating his body and drinking his blood...I almost lost it. That's the last supper I'll ever have there, and I hope he dies a horrible death."
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