Restraint

[AUChizad]

So I just went to the grocery store to buy some sandwich meat.

As I was checking out, the mildly retarded bagboy noticed my Auburn hat, and asked "So you guys think you'll be good this year?"

Small talk kind of annoys me, so I just nonchalantly mumbled, "Yeah, I think we'll do alright."

He then asks, "Do you know who your first game is?"

I respond, "Um, I think it's..."

"Arkansas State," he interrupts. "That's why Auburn can't move up in the polls and will never be National Champions. Alabama plays a tough schedule next year, whoo boy."

Because, as I mentioned, this guy was clearly retarded (not downs syndrome retarded, but certainly Forrest Gump retarded, possibly moreso), I just responded with, "I guess so."

This took much restraint from my initial instinct to snap at him with the following:

"That's why you're in your late twenties, and are a bagger at a grocery store. Because your retardation prevents you from simple cognitive abilities, such as logic, or the ability to compare and contrast. You guys open with juggernauts San Jose State. The same team that was 2-10 last year and was throttled 55-20 by La Tech, who prior to that game also only had 2 wins, and by the way, their biggest loss before that one was to us in last year's season opener. You also play fucking Duke, the perennial joke of D1 college football, and Georgia State in their first year ever as a program. Like you, and every other fucking school int he SEC, we play one tough OOC game, in Clemson, and then three easy wins.

"If anything, I'd put our three patsies against yours, any day of the week. If La Monroe can beat your mighty Saban-coached Tahd, they can certainly put a waxing on Duke. Give me our opener Arkasas State over your opener San Jose State any day of the week, and I'm fairly positive that Chatanooga (who you also played last year) would destroy this team in their first year ever in the Colonial Athletic Association conference.

In summation, fuck you, retard."

Just had to get that off of my chest. I feel better.

[Saniflush]

You better be glad you didn't piss him off to the point where he went all retard strong on you!

[Snaggletiger]

I had a restraint moment myself two weeks ago down at the beach.  Can't get away from em'.

Me and a buddy were biking on 30A and stopped at a convenience store to fuel up.  I had an AU biking shirt on and this guy walks by us and gives a Row Tahd.  I smiled and responded with a War Eagle.  Simple enough, right?  No harm...part of the fun of the rivalry.  Row Tahd...War Eagle.  Cool, go your separate ways.  Nope.

As he starts to get in his car..."Ya'll may ah beat us in the stats, but we gotcha'll on the score board."

Me: Yeah, it was a good game. 

"Stats don't mean nuthin'.  We gotcha'll wher it counts..on the score board".  He says this as he's pointing to the Bama tag on the front of his crimson colored Mustang...weraing his Bama shirt and Bama shorts.  Admittedly, I'm taken a little by surprise because you just don't expect such mindless, juvenile bullshit down at the beach unless you're at Wal Mart.  All I could do was give him the thumbs up and say, "Stay classy".

The funniest reaction was from my friend who grew up in Winter Park Florida and knows little about this breed of football fan.  He just looked at me and asked, "What's wrong with those people?  Do they all act like that?"

[280TIGER]

So I just went to the grocery store to buy some sandwich meat.

As I was checking out, the mildly retarded bagboy noticed my Auburn hat, and asked "So you guys think you'll be good this year?"

Small talk kind of annoys me, so I just nonchalantly mumbled, "Yeah, I think we'll do alright."

He then asks, "Do you know who your first game is?"

I respond, "Um, I think it's..."

"Arkansas State," he interrupts. "That's why Auburn can't move up in the polls and will never be National Champions. Alabama plays a tough schedule next year, whoo boy."

Because, as I mentioned, this guy was clearly retarded (not downs syndrome retarded, but certainly Forrest Gump retarded, possibly moreso), I just responded with, "I guess so."

This took much restraint from my initial instinct to snap at him with the following:

"That's why you're in your late twenties, and are a bagger at a grocery store. Because your retardation prevents you from simple cognitive abilities, such as logic, or the ability to compare and contrast. You guys open with juggernauts San Jose State. The same team that was 2-10 last year and was throttled 55-20 by La Tech, who prior to that game also only had 2 wins, and by the way, their biggest loss before that one was to us in last year's season opener. You also play fucking Duke, the perennial joke of D1 college football, and Georgia State in their first year ever as a program. Like you, and every other fucking school int he SEC, we play one tough OOC game, in Clemson, and then three easy wins.

"If anything, I'd put our three patsies against yours, any day of the week. If La Monroe can beat your mighty Saban-coached Tahd, they can certainly put a waxing on Duke. Give me our opener Arkasas State over your opener San Jose State any day of the week, and I'm fairly positive that Chatanooga (who you also played last year) would destroy this team in their first year ever in the Colonial Athletic Association conference.

In summation, fuck you, retard."

Just had to get that off of my chest. I feel better.

I'm just glad Birmingham found work.  Economy is tough...

[Saniflush]

I had a restraint moment myself two weeks ago down at the beach.  Can't get away from em'.

Me and a buddy were biking mopeding on 30A and stopped at a convenience store to fuel up Miss Lucille's Gossip Parlor to have a fruity drink.  I had an AU biking black mesh shirt on and this guy walks by us and gives a Row Tahd.  I smiled and responded with a War Eagle "Hey Queen".  Simple enough, right?  No harm...part of the fun of the rivalry.  Row Tahd...War Eagle Hey Queen.  Cool, go your separate ways.  Nope.

As he starts to get in his car..."Ya'll may ah beat us in the stats, but we gotcha'll on the score board."

Me: Yeah, it was a good game.  

"Stats don't mean nuthin'.  We gotcha'll wher it counts..on the score board".  He says this as he's pointing to the Bama tag on the front of his crimson colored Mustang...weraing his Bama shirt and Bama shorts.  Admittedly, I'm taken a little by surprise because you just don't expect such mindless, juvenile bullshit down at the beach unless you're at Wal Mart.  All I could do was give him the thumbs up and say, "Stay classy".

The funniest reaction was from my friend who grew up in Winter Park Florida and knows little about this breed of football fan.  He just looked at me and asked, "What's wrong with those people?  Do they all act like that?"

[Snaggletiger]

Well okay.  Maybe I changed the verbage a little to make it sound less like trolling for gay butt sex and more like a manly exchange between red blooded American football fans.  But I did show restraint.

[BZ770]

Well okay.  Maybe I changed the verbage a little to make it sound less like trolling for gay butt sex and more like a manly exchange between red blooded American football fans.  But I did show restraint.

It would have been really gay if you'd had some biking shorts on to match the biking shirt.

[GH2001]

I'm just glad Birmingham found work.  Economy is tough...

Why are you glad? I dont want the sumbeech bagging my fucking groceries or attempting to make it "my way" at BK after I order. He'll fuck it all up and handle my burger with his booger infested hands. No thanks....Id rather have him at home.

[Snaggletiger]

It would have been really gay if you'd had some biking shorts on to match the biking shirt.

Come to think of it, that may be why the Bammer decided to strike up a conversation in the first place.  I am pretty damn hot in biking shorts.

[Jumbo]

Come to think of it, that may be why the Bammer decided to strike up a conversation in the first place.  I am pretty damn hot in biking shorts.

I would have been too busy staring at your banana hammock.

[Snaggletiger]

I would have been too busy staring at your banana hammock.

Baking potatoes do wonders for your looks.

[AWK]

This thread isn't gay yet, because:

1. No one has fallen in love (except maybe Jumbo)

2. Snaggle used a condom on his "friend."

3. No one touched balls.

Continue...

[Snaggletiger]

This thread isn't gay yet, because:

1. No one has fallen in love (except maybe Jumbo)

2. Snaggle used a condom on his "friend."

3. No one touched balls.

Continue...

Wait....does #3 mean touching by hand or two sacks slapping together?

I just need clarification.

[AWK]

Wait....does #3 mean touching by hand or two sacks slapping together?

I just need clarification.

Sack touching sack.  Tread lightly, I don't want to have to get all AUFAMILY on this bitch if it turns gay.

[Snaggletiger]

Sack touching sack.  Tread lightly, I don't want to have to get all AUFAMILY on this bitch if it turns gay.

Thanks for clearing that up.  And I teabag the AUFAMILY. 

[AWK]

Thanks for clearing that up.  And I teabag the AUFAMILY. 

They enjoy it too...or so I've heard.

[Tiger Six]

I heart the original post...except I find the term "retard" to be racist.

[Jumbo]

Thanks for clearing that up.  And I teabag the AUFAMILY. 

Only if it's Lipton...

[Token]

I'm just glad Birmingham found work.  Economy is tough...

For once, I'll just stick with the title of the thread. 

[No Huddle]

I nearly punched an allbarn fan in the mouth a few years back. SHE was my wife's friend and in 2003 when ya'll won 28-23 she came by my house and danced in my living room screaming WAR EAGLE to top of her lungs talking about all kinds of poop. Talk about restraint she came to MY HOUSE to do this crap. Needless to say the next four yeas she talked crap and I bit my tongue and said nothing. FINALLY we won a stinking IB and she has not said one word to me nor has she wanted to talk about football. Now I should have gone to her house and took a big ole steaming poop on her punt bama punt framed newspaper clipping but I have shown RESTRAINT! That is all.