Got my phone replaced in 10 minutes free of charge, with zero hassle. I walked into the apple store to see if anything could be done about it, fully expecting them to reply "Yeah, you can fuck yourself", but they informed me that apparently Apple is completely cool with people fucking their phones up into oblivion for a certain number of days after a release, and they hand you a new one, no questions asked. Apparently, it's so they can send the defective ones back to "study". Looks like I got lucky for once.