Ah, yes, I have the privledge of spending year #29 of my life of the greatest decade of my life in a barren wasteland. I cannot think of any place else I'd rather spend it than right here in good 'ol northern Iraq where there's nothing to look at, the days run together, and everyday I feel more and more like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day. Anyway, I started off my birthday with the normal routine of falling out of bed, peeing in an empty one liter water bottle (because it's about a mile to the nearest latrine), getting dressed, running an hour long operations meeting and then generally just reacting to various reports of gunfire, random explosions, kidnappings and car bombs. It's great stuff, believe me.
Anyway, on to the various comments... most of them smartass.
1) Since I got investigated the last time I was here for pissing on the side wall of a mosque being used by enemy snipers I opted to "celebrate" this time around by cursing the name of Allah, stapling various degrading depictions of Mohammed around camp and breaking my diet by eating a piece of strawberry cake at chow.
2) Yes.
3) Sure, if I get to shove an IED up YOUR ass, light the fuse and watch you squirm.
4) For a fee, of course. And I get 75% of the cut, too, Randall and don't try to cheat me.
5) I was wondering who the hell I knew from Woodstock, GA. Thanks for the package, I actually waited and opened it Christmas Day with the rest of my stuff. The Peyton Manning football? Yes, I got that. How did you know I had a man crush on Peyton? Because you do, too? Because he's pretty much the most awesomest QB to step foot on a football field?
6) Huh? Did you enlist or something?
7) goddman right I am.
8) She's not dressing up like Ariel, is she? Because Ariel was bangin' hot and I don't want to think of Katie that way. And you don't want any of this sand. It's got, like, 6,000 years of stank ass haji sweat and shit in it. Gross.
Thanks, guys!
11 Replies
3470 Views