Since we're gonna bitch, here's mine.
I bought a software program. Perpetual license, paid for training and the whole nine yards. One year maintenance was $2500. I'm good with that. I might only need to call it three or four times a year, but I paid it.
Next year maintenance went up to $7500. I didn't really look when the bill came in and it was paid before I caught it. Okay. It was too high but I was there. I called and registered a complaint, blah blah blah.
Third year maintenance bill comes in and its $11,250. I tell them in no uncertain terms to fuck off. Get the sales manager calling. He asks me if i'll reconsider for $8500. I tell him to fuck off. I get the manager of the sales manager calling. He says they'll give me a one year exemption and we'll drip back to the $7500 but they can't lock it in for the following year. Fuck off again. He asks me why I'm being obstinate. I tell him to fuck off.
Two months later, I get a call from the VP of finance. He says that according to their records one of my employees called for maintenance during the time we were "negotiating" the extension. Since they called that triggered an automatic renewal. Please remit $11,250 immediately. I laugh in his face and tell him to fuck off.
Get a call from the VP of development. He says he understands the situation, but rules are rules. He's willing to cut me a break, though. I can send them $7500 and we'll be good. Fuck the fuck off.
I get a call from their collections department. They just want to settle it. Would I consider paying $5000? Fuck off. I hang up. She calls my bookkeeper and tells her I've approved a payment for $5000 and could she please remit? I call them and tell them to fuck off again.
Collections department manager calls with a one-time deal. Send $2500 by close of business Friday and they will close the books on the issue. I laugh in her face. Literally scream fuck off in the phone as I'm hanging it up.
She calls back 15 times over the next three days before she gets me on the phone. Asks again if I'll consider $2500. I tell her no. She says what about $1400, which is the prorated amount of the original invoice through the day of the alleged call. Of course nobody in my office will confess to making the call and I can't find it on the phone bill. I tell her I'd come a hell of a lot closer to paying $1400 than I would $11K, but the answer remains no. Fuck off. She says DEAL!
Next week I get an invoice in the mail for the prorated amount I've "agreed" to. I send it back with the words Fuck Off in green sharpie.
The next call is from their lawyer. He'll be filing small claims unless I pay $1400.
Fuck this shit. I call my lawyer. Give him the details. Tell him to fuck them up.
After looking at it for a week, he tells me it will cost more to fight it than it will to pay the $1400. I'm better off to pay it and move on.
They got a check. For $1400. The accompanying letter read "Fuck Off" In the "For" line I had my bookeeper put "Extortion".
Wow. That felt good to type.
41 Replies
6255 Views