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A Loss of Joy

Kaos

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A Loss of Joy
« on: November 11, 2020, 07:23:20 PM »
Life used to be so easy.  I hated the redneck jackasses from Tuscaloosa. I loved and believed in my country. Even though I didn't always agree with people politically it was never personal, really. I loved and believed in Auburn. I might not have always agreed with how things were done there, but I knew who we were, I knew what Auburn meant and what Auburn was. I had my family.  I was relatively happy.  I let that hate for all things crimpson burn off the majority of my negative feelings.  It was good to have that one enemy and feel like I was at the head of my own little army.  

Now?  

1. I still hate Alabama, but after being beaten over the head for a decade with the "Saban era" I've just sort of let it wane.  I really don't care what they do.  I can't even muster any hate for them. 

2. The last four years have really soured me on the American political system The push toward socialism, the utter horseshit narrative of COVID, the doubly utter horseshit narrative of Biden getting ANY fucking votes, much less 985 kabillion, the harangue that's been directed toward Trump (who has, by the way done more to benefit this country than any other president in my lifetime by far), the demonization of anyone who looks or thinks like me... it's worn on me.  All empires collapse, usually from within and we are standing on the precipice as it crumbles beneath our feet. The entire political class with a few exceptions (Kayleigh, Ted Cruz and others) are lying, greedy, traitorous fucktards. Barring a radical revamp of the entire process (term limits for one because then Joe Biden would be just another Delaware lawyer in a threadbare suit telling stories in his dingy office about when he used to wear leopard print underwear down at the YMCA), America is done. It's over and the fuckheads won.  This started in the 60s with Lyndon Johnson and the communist/socialist appropriation of the Civil Rights movement.  It's on a high-speed train to globalism and a world of government controlling every facet of your life (aka shackles) for your own good. Censorship of any dissenting opinion is already punished.  I've seen good friends, patriots, harassed off social media for daring to question the narrative.  We're either going to war internally or the toilet is being flushed on our way of life.  

3. You know my stance on Auburn. Virtue signaling, cash grubbing, complete and total buffoonery.  I don't care what any of you say, it's NOT the same place I love(d).  And I don't know if it ever can be again.  You have no idea what that does to my soul. 

4. Kids are grown. Last one turned 21. They don't need me, which is what I always wanted.  Treacherous wife gone, thank God.  Haven't found a replacement.  Well, I have, but only temporary ones and some of them have been really bad choices. I've really started to sometimes wonder why I bother getting up any more. 

The coming Christmas season is supposed to be a time of joy.  I'm having a hard time finding it.  
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CCTAU

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Re: A Loss of Joy
« Reply #1 on: November 11, 2020, 08:17:54 PM »
You have to find your new direction. Usually when the kids leave, you and your wife have to learn to be alone together again. With you, you’ll have to find your new direction alone. But it’s just you so there will be no squabbling over the decision. 
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Five statements of WISDOM
1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity, by legislating the wealth out of prosperity.
2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.
3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.
4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it.
5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friends, is the beginning of the end of any nation.

Kaos

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Re: A Loss of Joy
« Reply #2 on: November 11, 2020, 09:26:10 PM »
You have to find your new direction. Usually when the kids leave, you and your wife have to learn to be alone together again. With you, you’ll have to find your new direction alone. But it’s just you so there will be no squabbling over the decision.
Im the weird guy who actually WANTS to be married.  I stuck it out a lot longer than I probably should have for that reason.  

Even married though I think I’d be pretty disillusioned right now.  

It won’t change anything, probably but I don’t see myself being part of an American with a ghoul and a gutter trash whore at the top of the chain.  I’m researching places to move and getting my shit together to do it. 
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bgreene

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Re: A Loss of Joy
« Reply #3 on: November 12, 2020, 11:28:43 AM »
While I can't say that I know how you feel, because my kids are still at home, and I have a great wife.  However, I do know the feeling that this country is going down the crapper right before our very eyes.  Also, the feeling of Christmas has always been my favorite, and my little girl was beside me all the way with that.  Now that she is in heaven, it's hard to be as excited for the season.  My other four kids (3 teenagers and a 7 year old) are not as into it as I am and my wife is still having a hard time showing any excitement towards any holiday without Rozlyn being with us physically. 

Here is my suggestion, and what helps me.  First thing is that I submit my life to the Lord.  Since I have made him the first priority in my life, I have a peace about life.  I'm not preaching to you, just letting you know how I get through this roller coaster we call life. John 16:33 Jesus says "In this world you will have trouble, but take heart because I have overcome the world". Psalms 23 says that He walks us through the valley of the shadow of death.  It doesn't say that we go to the valley and hang out for a while.  He will walk you through if you just lean into Him.  My peace is knowing the final outcome...God wins!! 

Secondly, depression is real.  Find a shrink or someone you confide in and talk.  Don't hold it all in, it will eat you up.  If you don't have anyone, hit me up, 256-390-3217 
Hang in there.
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"Men are made stronger on the realization that the helping hand they need is at the end of their own arm."

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Snaggletiger

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Re: A Loss of Joy
« Reply #4 on: November 12, 2020, 12:30:52 PM »
Turning 60 a couple of months ago has been a bit of an eye opener.  For some reason, it's really made me think seriously about the future and life in general.  There's a distinct realization that in a few short years, I'll be leaving the rat race and stress of a career and running a business. My retirement "portfolio" (He says with great sarcasm) ain't the greatest, but between that, hopefully social security, and a couple of income producing side ventures I've already put in motion, I'm reeeeeally looking forward to that time in my life.

The other thing about getting to this age, is that you start considering your mortality.  Now, that may sound morbid but I actually mean that in a good way.  Yes, you realize you're much closer to the end than the beginning. And you also can't help taking every new ache and pain, and wondering if this is the big one, Elizabeth.  But I've started taking those things and turning them into a positive.  You've heard it a million times, that none of us are promised tomorrow. That's so true and I've started being thankful for every day. Snagette and I have been taking a ton of little trips lately.  I needed to pressure wash my back patio last weekend.  The hell with that.  There's a Rolling Stones tribute band playing at Sandestin.  Grab the chairs and a cooler.

I'm looking at this upcoming Thanksgiving and Christmas as if it could be my last.  Again, not in a morbid way, but more from the approach that I need to stop taking things for granted.  Because yes, it could be my last. Who knows?  I called up an old friend last night I hadn't talked to in quite a while.  I'm currently trying to get a reunion of sorts together for a bunch of old work buddies that I used to golf and hang with.  In other words, I'm to the point where I don't want to ever look back with regrets.

Politically, I hate what's gone on recently.  No need to rehash it all.  But, I'm taking that worry out of my life and realize all I can do is vote my conscience in the future, like I've always done. 

Sports.  Huge part of my life and regardless of whether Auburn has changed or not, I'll always watch and support my Tigers.  As for the pros, unless you put that political crap in my face (NBA) I'm going to watch.  Been watching the NFL all season.  I don't care what anybody thinks.  They've pretty much fazed all that BLM shit out.  As a matter of fact, they've made a pronounced move in the opposite direction.  MLB....watched it with a passion all season.  Bottom line, I love the spurts and I'm gonna' watch, enjoy, and not sweat the little things.

Family.  We're going to take more and more trips and see things we've never seen.  I'm taking my boy fishing more often and even have plans to take him on his first deer hunt.  Snagette and I have become 100% closer over the last year or two.  Closer than we've ever been in 36 years of marriage.  We've become best friends and I plan on giving my best friend the high hard one tonight. Got a brand new bottle of Astroglide.  Damn, that's good stuff.

Again, no promise there will be a tomorrow, next week, month or year.  And that's the approach I'm taking from here on out.  But one guarantee is that Snagette gonna' be sore tomorrow.  Should be the best 90 seconds of her life tonight. 
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Buzz Killington

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Re: A Loss of Joy
« Reply #5 on: November 12, 2020, 01:13:46 PM »
You mistyped 30
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Now I may be an idiot, but there is one thing I am not, sir, and that, sir, is an idiot.

dallaswareagle

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Re: A Loss of Joy
« Reply #6 on: November 13, 2020, 03:25:13 PM »
Turning 60 a couple of months ago has been a bit of an eye opener.  For some reason, it's really made me think seriously about the future and life in general.  There's a distinct realization that in a few short years, I'll be leaving the rat race and stress of a career and running a business. My retirement "portfolio" (He says with great sarcasm) ain't the greatest, but between that, hopefully social security, and a couple of income producing side ventures I've already put in motion, I'm reeeeeally looking forward to that time in my life.

The other thing about getting to this age, is that you start considering your mortality.  Now, that may sound morbid but I actually mean that in a good way.  Yes, you realize you're much closer to the end than the beginning. And you also can't help taking every new ache and pain, and wondering if this is the big one, Elizabeth.  But I've started taking those things and turning them into a positive.  You've heard it a million times, that none of us are promised tomorrow. That's so true and I've started being thankful for every day. Snagette and I have been taking a ton of little trips lately.  I needed to pressure wash my back patio last weekend.  The hell with that.  There's a Rolling Stones tribute band playing at Sandestin.  Grab the chairs and a cooler.

I'm looking at this upcoming Thanksgiving and Christmas as if it could be my last.  Again, not in a morbid way, but more from the approach that I need to stop taking things for granted.  Because yes, it could be my last. Who knows?  I called up an old friend last night I hadn't talked to in quite a while.  I'm currently trying to get a reunion of sorts together for a bunch of old work buddies that I used to golf and hang with.  In other words, I'm to the point where I don't want to ever look back with regrets.

Politically, I hate what's gone on recently.  No need to rehash it all.  But, I'm taking that worry out of my life and realize all I can do is vote my conscience in the future, like I've always done.

Sports.  Huge part of my life and regardless of whether Auburn has changed or not, I'll always watch and support my Tigers.  As for the pros, unless you put that political crap in my face (NBA) I'm going to watch.  Been watching the NFL all season.  I don't care what anybody thinks.  They've pretty much fazed all that BLM shit out.  As a matter of fact, they've made a pronounced move in the opposite direction.  MLB....watched it with a passion all season.  Bottom line, I love the spurts and I'm gonna' watch, enjoy, and not sweat the little things.

Family.  We're going to take more and more trips and see things we've never seen.  I'm taking my boy fishing more often and even have plans to take him on his first deer hunt.  Snagette and I have become 100% closer over the last year or two.  Closer than we've ever been in 36 years of marriage.  We've become best friends and I plan on giving my best friend the high hard one tonight. Got a brand new bottle of Astroglide.  Damn, that's good stuff.

Again, no promise there will be a tomorrow, next week, month or year.  And that's the approach I'm taking from here on out.  But one guarantee is that Snagette gonna' be sore tomorrow.  Should be the best 90 seconds of her life tonight.
Being on the backside of life myself (just turned 60) I am slowly weening down my work life. I have been working since I was 14 (throwing news papers) till this job I have now. My portfolio is being well managed and unless things just go totally south, June 2022 will be my last working month. I have started leaving work when I want to go play golf. I played Wed and Thur of this week. 

I am avoiding watching all sports (Turned off every sports channel)  this year as my way of not agreeing with their crap. Hopefully things get back to normal next year and I'll turn them all back on to watch college football. I quit watching the Pro's (Baseball and football) years ago, never watched the NBA. 

Mrs. Dallas and I are gearing back up to travel,  we have moved or cancelled three trips this year. We are Heading to Tucson for T-day get away and heading to Cabo the week of X-mas.  Flew  into Atlanta last month, at DFW and ATL airports, it looked like something out of the walking dead, everybody looked like Zombies. 

The leadership of this country is in peril.  I don't think I'll be around when it really turns into a shit storm and for that I am glad.  Instructions for my demise is very simple. Cremation and scatter my ashes in the wind. 
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A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to 'The United States of America ' for an amount of 'up to and including my life.' That is Honor, and there are way too many people in this country who no longer understand it.'

chinook

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Re: A Loss of Joy
« Reply #7 on: November 13, 2020, 03:29:53 PM »
they make 9mm guns for a reason.  well many reasons.  

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Buzz Killington

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Re: A Loss of Joy
« Reply #8 on: November 13, 2020, 03:48:04 PM »
they make 9mm guns for a reason.  well many reasons. 
Are you suggesting they shoot all the golfers?
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Now I may be an idiot, but there is one thing I am not, sir, and that, sir, is an idiot.

Kaos

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Re: A Loss of Joy
« Reply #9 on: November 13, 2020, 04:23:26 PM »
Are you suggesting they shoot all the golfers?
Definitely shoot the gophers
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Snaggletiger

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Re: A Loss of Joy
« Reply #10 on: November 13, 2020, 04:44:23 PM »
The untold truth of Caddyshack
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My doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating.  I asked him why, and he said, "because I'm trying to examine you."

AUTiger1

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Re: A Loss of Joy
« Reply #11 on: November 16, 2020, 04:31:07 PM »
Something about this year.  I am in the same boat as K.  I just don't enjoy things like I used to.  Hell, even hunting feels different this year.  I enjoy it and I love the moment to "get away" but something is different.  The COVID, the lockdowns earlier this year.  It has been a weird year, but it has also taken a lot of joy away.  I assume some of that is because it has caused me to cancel plains that I have made for a year or more.  This summer we were wanting to go kayaking a lot more than we did, but it just didn't work out for us.  Most places were closed because of COVID or were running limited shuttles.  We camped once this year and that was in September for fall break.  We canceled 3 camping trips that we have been looking forward to and it was like it zapped our happiness away from us. 

The political rhetoric from the past 4 years me sick and disappointed.  For the first time in my life I am embarrassed for America.  I remember back in 2018 when Trump introduced an infrastructure plan the left howled at the moon for weeks and they have been pushing for money to be spent on infrastructure since the Bush administration. But, since it was Trump they hated it and were totally against it. They couldn't even be happy that something they wanted was going to happen just because of who is in charge.  Again, fuck'em and feed'em fish heads, thrice!

Football, nope, just not as excited.  I don't know if that is because of Gus or what.  It's also sad to see us play in front of a sold out crowd of 117 people instead of 87,000K.  It could be because the shortened year in my mind is somehow going to work in advantage for bammer and they will win their 1,285th NC. 

Pro sports, meh, I gave up on them a long time ago other than MLB.  The shortened season wasn't as much fun to me.  I watched a few games but that was it.  NASCAR fucked themselves with me last year for their knee jerk reaction to Bubba Wallace and the garage door rope.  Fuck their virtue signaling without any proof of any foul play.  Bubba Wallace didn't even see the fucking rope and talked about how it was a noose.  They suspended Larson for the season.  He fucked up, he apologized but they still suspended him.  I did enjoy my subs to speed51.com and lucasoilracing.com and watchin Larson make a historic run on dirt and whip everyone's asses. 

Work even sucks.  It has always had it's good days and bad, but there is no more good.  Wear your mask at all times.  If you are seen without your mask in your own office and 10 feet from the door, someone is still going to panic and rat your ass out.  No one has a sense of humor anymore. Fuck them too! 
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Courage is only fear holding on a minute longer.--George S. Patton

There are gonna be days when you lay your guts on the line and you come away empty handed, there ain't a damn thing you can do about it but go back out there and lay em on the line again...and again, and again! -- Coach Pat Dye

It isn't that liberals are ignorant. It's just they know so much that isn't so. --Ronald Reagan

Kaos

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Re: A Loss of Joy
« Reply #12 on: November 16, 2020, 05:57:10 PM »
Since the media fraudulently declared Biden the president-elect, things have taken a decisively more confrontational tone.  

I don't wear masks.  I just don't.  

1) There's no evidence whatsoever to prove they are effective in any way. There is a great deal of evidence they make things worse. Fuck Joe Biden. 
2) More than half the people wearing them have them pulled half off their sweating faces. 
3) I'm an American. I've yet to see any legal means by which they can be required (or businesses closed, etc.) 

Prior to Nov. 3 I had one business tell me I had to wear it or I couldn't shop there.  So I didn't. Next day I went back and nobody said a word.  

Since November 3?  

I have been barred from entering two different stores -- places I went maskless multiple times since March.  

Saturday was the topper.  I went to a Christmas shopping thing (read: Milf-a-palooza) with some lady friends.  They don't wear masks either.  This was my day. 

a) I got there first so I went out in the lobby of the entrance and just enjoyed the steady stream of spectacular scenery.  I'm 50 feet away from everybody, just chilling.  I see a 65-year old Karen, growing agitated.  She in her mask made of yarn (yes, crocheted yarn is so effective) gets on her phone and apparently calls security.  Guy comes up, she's gesturing and pointing and he shrugs.  Walks a few steps toward me and says I'm supposed to wear a mask.  I say "nah" and go right back to what I was doing.  I hear him tell her "free country, I can't make him put a mask on" and he leaves. 

b) Long line to get in (the smells of women around me and the confections coming from the shopping area are great).  Nobody's six-feet apart, people are everywhere.  Me and my four compadres remain maskless.  We get to the entrance and some chubby worker chick in a suit comes running over and blocks our way.  
Sidebar 1: 
> I can't let you in without a mask. 
< Why?  
> You have to wear one, it's a national law. 
< No I don't and no it's not. 
>Well, it's a state law. 
< Nope, it's not a state law either. It's an order from the governor, but it includes no penalties for non-compliance because she doesn't have the legal authority to impose them.  That makes it more like advice and since I think she's dumber than a broken fence post, I'm going to ignore her advice. 
> You can't go in, it's a city ordinance. 
< Wrong. It's not a national law, a state law or a city rule.  
> Look, all I know is if I let you in without a mask I'm going to get fired. And it's a national law anyway, so you just have to. 

At this point, my lady friends capitulate and tell me to just put it on.  So I do.  And we enter. First thing I see is a cluster of four of the workers standing around talking. No masks on any.  The chubby suit who accosted me walks up to them peeling HER mask off, no doubt regaling them with tales the virtuous victory she just won.  At that point, I was done with it but to refrain from causing my friends any additional aggravation, I just hung it around my neck like every other idiot in there.  

My friends all looked fantastic, the place was loaded to the gills with hot moms.  But the Christmas pickings were pretty slim.  They left by one exit and I went off by a different route.  

Sidebar 2: 
About 20 feet from the exit, I realized I still had the stupid mask twaddling around my neck. So I pulled it off and dropped it in the garbage.  That initiated this lovely exchange with an elderly black woman in a security uniform:

> HAY, you can't be walkin around in here without no masks! 
< I'm going out the door and don't need it. 
> Not without no mask you ain't goin nowhere. 
At this point Lady Liberty is physically blocking the exit door. 
< I'm not getting another mask to walk eight steps out of the building. So you need to move. 
> Yes you is, you can't be walking around up in here without no mask on! Don't make me call the po-lice. 
< Call them.  Call them now.  But let me get my phone out so I can video you and show the world just how STUPID you are. 
Phone comes out. She makes a half ass snatch at it.  
> Put that thang down. Don't you video me. You don't have my permission!  
< Oh, I'm getting it.  The mask nazi strikes!  
> GET ON OUTTA HERE AND DON'T COME BACK UP IN HERE NO MORE! 

I went to my truck and sat there for 15 minutes, maybe 30. Trying to make up my mind if I wanted to go back up there and start the revolution.  But I just went home.  

This is just the beginning.  It's not even the politicians that are doing it any more.  It's the every day people, just like the screaming pod people in Invasion of the Body Snatchers.  The Karens feel empowered and they are going to scream at the sky and make all us neanderthals do what the command.  They ARE going to see the manager. They DO have a coupon. And you better put that mask on.  

It's only the first step.  Barring Trump reversing the narrative?  The herding has just begun.  I'm not a sheep. But I need other non-sheep to step up with me.  I can't be the only one.  I can't be the ONLY one who doesn't "go along to get along" or this wonderful American experiment is over. 
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WiregrassTiger

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Re: A Loss of Joy
« Reply #13 on: November 17, 2020, 10:14:22 AM »
Since the media fraudulently declared Biden the president-elect, things have taken a decisively more confrontational tone. 

I don't wear masks.  I just don't. 

1) There's no evidence whatsoever to prove they are effective in any way. There is a great deal of evidence they make things worse. Fuck Joe Biden.
2) More than half the people wearing them have them pulled half off their sweating faces.
3) I'm an American. I've yet to see any legal means by which they can be required (or businesses closed, etc.)

Prior to Nov. 3 I had one business tell me I had to wear it or I couldn't shop there.  So I didn't. Next day I went back and nobody said a word. 

Since November 3? 

I have been barred from entering two different stores -- places I went maskless multiple times since March. 

Saturday was the topper.  I went to a Christmas shopping thing (read: Milf-a-palooza) with some lady friends.  They don't wear masks either.  This was my day.

a) I got there first so I went out in the lobby of the entrance and just enjoyed the steady stream of spectacular scenery.  I'm 50 feet away from everybody, just chilling.  I see a 65-year old Karen, growing agitated.  She in her mask made of yarn (yes, crocheted yarn is so effective) gets on her phone and apparently calls security.  Guy comes up, she's gesturing and pointing and he shrugs.  Walks a few steps toward me and says I'm supposed to wear a mask.  I say "nah" and go right back to what I was doing.  I hear him tell her "free country, I can't make him put a mask on" and he leaves.

b) Long line to get in (the smells of women around me and the confections coming from the shopping area are great).  Nobody's six-feet apart, people are everywhere.  Me and my four compadres remain maskless.  We get to the entrance and some chubby worker chick in a suit comes running over and blocks our way. 
Sidebar 1:
> I can't let you in without a mask.
< Why? 
> You have to wear one, it's a national law.
< No I don't and no it's not.
>Well, it's a state law.
< Nope, it's not a state law either. It's an order from the governor, but it includes no penalties for non-compliance because she doesn't have the legal authority to impose them.  That makes it more like advice and since I think she's dumber than a broken fence post, I'm going to ignore her advice.
> You can't go in, it's a city ordinance.
< Wrong. It's not a national law, a state law or a city rule. 
> Look, all I know is if I let you in without a mask I'm going to get fired. And it's a national law anyway, so you just have to.

At this point, my lady friends capitulate and tell me to just put it on.  So I do.  And we enter. First thing I see is a cluster of four of the workers standing around talking. No masks on any.  The chubby suit who accosted me walks up to them peeling HER mask off, no doubt regaling them with tales the virtuous victory she just won.  At that point, I was done with it but to refrain from causing my friends any additional aggravation, I just hung it around my neck like every other idiot in there. 

My friends all looked fantastic, the place was loaded to the gills with hot moms.  But the Christmas pickings were pretty slim.  They left by one exit and I went off by a different route. 

Sidebar 2:
About 20 feet from the exit, I realized I still had the stupid mask twaddling around my neck. So I pulled it off and dropped it in the garbage.  That initiated this lovely exchange with an elderly black woman in a security uniform:

> HAY, you can't be walkin around in here without no masks!
< I'm going out the door and don't need it.
> Not without no mask you ain't goin nowhere.
At this point Lady Liberty is physically blocking the exit door.
< I'm not getting another mask to walk eight steps out of the building. So you need to move.
> Yes you is, you can't be walking around up in here without no mask on! Don't make me call the po-lice.
< Call them.  Call them now.  But let me get my phone out so I can video you and show the world just how STUPID you are.
Phone comes out. She makes a half ass snatch at it. 
> Put that thang down. Don't you video me. You don't have my permission! 
< Oh, I'm getting it.  The mask nazi strikes! 
> GET ON OUTTA HERE AND DON'T COME BACK UP IN HERE NO MORE!

I went to my truck and sat there for 15 minutes, maybe 30. Trying to make up my mind if I wanted to go back up there and start the revolution.  But I just went home. 

This is just the beginning.  It's not even the politicians that are doing it any more.  It's the every day people, just like the screaming pod people in Invasion of the Body Snatchers.  The Karens feel empowered and they are going to scream at the sky and make all us neanderthals do what the command.  They ARE going to see the manager. They DO have a coupon. And you better put that mask on. 

It's only the first step.  Barring Trump reversing the narrative?  The herding has just begun.  I'm not a sheep. But I need other non-sheep to step up with me.  I can't be the only one.  I can't be the ONLY one who doesn't "go along to get along" or this wonderful American experiment is over.
Your using Ebonics to tell the story of the interaction with the black lady is not woke.

This does not bode well for you in a Biden presidency and I’m beginning to think Honduras may not be such a bad idea for you, after all.
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GH2001

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Re: A Loss of Joy
« Reply #14 on: November 17, 2020, 11:09:55 AM »
Your using Ebonics to tell the story of the interaction with the black lady is not woke.

This does not bode well for you in a Biden presidency and I’m beginning to think Honduras may not be such a bad idea for you, after all.
you don't speak jive, so you wouldn't understand.........bro
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